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  1. #1
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    Default Help- explaining how the heart loves to my son! He's inconsolable

    Ok so ds is 3- turning 4 this November. We often say we love him with all of our hearts. Dh has gone to an event today and when he left he said to both ds and I I love you with all of my heart. Ds ran to his room upset. I've gone in to see what's wrong and he was sad and angry because he doesn't love dad but dad loves him. I explained that he was sad when dad went because he loves him and will miss him until he sees him in the morning. He got even more upset and angry because he loves me, not dad because he only has 1 very little boys heart.
    We cuddled while cried and calmed down and then I explained that our hearts can love lots of people all at the same time. He thought about it for awhile then got really angry again and said they can't because if your whole heart loves someone it's full and can't love anyone else-he could love 4 people because the heart has 4 spaces (chambers im guessing ?) in it but that wouldn't be with all his heart- and he loved me with his whole heart. And if his heart has 4 parts its not enough to love the people he wants to.
    i tried explaining that the heart is like magic when it loves it can love more and more until there is room to love everybody. Epic fail- he kicked and screamed and cried because only magicians are magic and have wands but hearts can't be.
    I got 2 mirrors and cut out a heart shape and got him to look at the mirrors to see there was more. I tried the see how many hearts their are all full of love-and our heart worked like that.
    He said reflections aren't real hearts. It's been going on for over an hour and a half and I'm at a complete loss. He's crying in my lap because I lied to him and he doesn't love me.

    Help!
    Last edited by babybabycakes; 21-09-2013 at 14:11.

  2. #2
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Oh gosh I have no suggestions but that is freaking adorable!

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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Maybe say to him that there are hearts inside his heart, for mum, dad, brother/sister, nan....as many hearts as you need for all the people that you love. I really have no idea, poor little man.

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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Could he be worried that new bub will take some of his love away?

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    Poor thing. He's really got himself in a state and you stuck between a rock and a hard place. What about talking about how the heart pumps blood and that blood is like the waves of the ocean and each wave produces more and more love for every body and then goes back to the ocean to make more. That's all I can think of.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    Could he be worried that new bub will take some of his love away?
    Maybe. He talks and sings to her in my tummy and we've explained we will love him just the same as usual, and we will love her too. He is mostly excited to have a sister.
    Hes just so literal and over thinks things a lot. He gets really anxious. Hes also quite clever- so simple explanations don't sate his thirst for knowledge.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babybabycakes View Post
    Maybe. He talks and sings to her in my tummy and we've explained we will love him just the same as usual, and we will love her too. He is mostly excited to have a sister.
    Hes just so literal and over thinks things a lot. He gets really anxious. Hes also quite clever- so simple explanations don't sate his thirst for knowledge.
    Sounds like he has some underlying worries about it.

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    I would move away from the literal, physical heart meaning that he is taking out of it & explain that 'love with all of my heart is just a saying - that it means I love you very much or lots and lots. Explain that we can love lots of pwople very much, it is how we feel towards people, it actually has nothing to do with our physical heart. I would then relate it to other sayinfa you use, like 'im so hungry I could eat a horse' or 'I will jump high and reach the sky' - that we sont actually mean it like that, its just how we say it.
    I wouldnt make up any cutw stories or games, just tell him the truth.
    Sorry about the typos!
    Last edited by cheeeeesecake; 21-09-2013 at 15:00.

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    Its probably too late in this instance but next time something like this comes up, explain that it is an 'expression'. I need to do this with DD a lot. These sayings that are part of our everyday language generally mean something quite different to their literal intetpretations.

    Perhaps read/watch Guess How Much I Love You and talk about the expression 'to the moon and back'. Of course their love is not actually going to the moon but it is a way of saying you love someone so, so much.

    Also let him know it's ok to feel like he loves dad less than mum, sometimes he'll feel like he loves dad more, and that's ok with you. He's only little and his heart is growing. You and dad are grown ups so it is easy for you to love lots of things so, so much. This should help with the sharing the love thing when the new baby comes.

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using BubHub

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    We had/have a similar thing with my DS(3). When his Dad says he loves him, DS always says no I love Mummy and you love DD. I have tried to explain that we can love lots of people and your capacity to love grows bigger and bigger all the time. We initially started with the heart thing too but he took it too literally as well and felt it meant 1 heart = 1 person to love. He seems to be understanding it a bit more now, I talked about how the happy feelings you get when you spend time with/ think about different people in your life (Grandparents etc) means you love them as well.

    It can be tricky having a very thirsty for knowledge but also sensitive little person!

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