When there is no family or friends....

[kw123]

It's really tough. Both our families live on the other side of the world. Why I would give to have my mum nearby to pop in, take DS just for an hour and come to help me when one of us is sick! Or even some inlaws! We have great friends but it's not the same and you can't ask the same of them. Going out is so expensive as a babysitter is $20 an hour so we don't go out that much.

Anyway, we love Oz and think its a better place to live and the right decision for us. Otherwise we would move back! But we would not live near our families at home anyway due to work so would face a lot of the same issues anyway.

[Louise41]

it can be hard,,i have been through it when my 2 were babies...

Im in Northern NSW... an hour to the GC so if anyone is located near there, PM me as id be happy to meet up and help out... Im 41, a mum of 2 and a grandma to be ( 28 weeks to go)... xxxxxxx

[kw123]

It's also why the threads about "my MIL wants to babysit but I don't want her to as she (shock horror) looks in my linen cupboard/sits on my couch wrong/any other minor thing you can think of" really annoy me. They don't know how lucky they are!

[harvs]

Hugs to you, Lakey. I could have written your OP myself. I do have a couple of close friends where I live who always say 'let me know if you need a hand', and whenever I do they are too busy/not interested. It can be a lonely life, I know. DS was very tricky for the first year as well, and the thought of taking him anywhere when I was going to be meeting strangers was just too much to deal with.

I hope things get better for you soon.

[HarvestMoon]

I did it all alone ( still am but kids are older) and at times it was depressing and isolating. I found getting out there and doing something like working or studying, even just one day a week helped immensely. Even if breaking up the routine was all that was achieved, It still helped

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[Moowisha]

i'll be in this situation once my baby girl is born. my parents live 5.5+hrs away and my inlaws live in another state. all of our other family live in sydney so 5hrs away.

we love living where we do and have no plans to move for a long time.

i would love to be closer my mum but i love the lifestyle we have here and we have such a great bunch of friends who are in the same situation as us.

there are 3 of us who are having babies, all due 4 weeks apart and none of us have family close by. so at least we all know what each other is going through.

our parents have planned to come down for 1-2wks each after the birth at different times to help with the house and dog (who is our first baby) which is amazing as everyone still works so hard to take time out. then in july when I am planning on going back to work will come down and help us get into a new routine (and go snowboarding mainly LOL) as dh is lucky not to have to work in winter at all! i also have the option of extending my leave if needed but i love my job and its baby friendly which is rare and will be a good opportunity for dh and baby to bond!

but apart from that everything else will be planned visits due to location so it will be all up to us! i have an amazing friend who is much younger then i am and she has already planned on giving dh and i some time alone every now and then.

[Blessedwith3boys]

would you/did you find it hard to bring up your children when they were babies/toddlers/young kids without the help and support of friends and family being close by?
No one to rely on, no one to cry with, no one to give you a break.
Luckily my DH is fantastically hands on when he is home. We are best friends.


i found it increadibly hard not living close by to my mum when i had my first baby. On the good side, i do not take her for advantage, she will drop everything in a heartbeat to babysit but it has to be planned months in advance for airfares ect. however, sometimes its just not worth all the trouble.
if i want to socialise, i have to seek for it myself.
Being alone whith my dh who works for the two of us and then some, while raising my children has made me a strong independant woman. sometimes i envy others who have family and friends to surround them. A mum who just 'pop's in for a cuppa' or being able to go to "nanna's house" when the kids are bored...and me too!! a friend who brings their kids over for a playdate. Another friend who will mind the kids so i can go to my dr's appt/hair appt alone.
Yah, that would be nice as.

We live 2700kms away from our families, it's our choice to live where we live so I don't feel right complaining and I don't envy others that have it differently. I'm happy with the way things are. While I don't have family to rely on I do have a few friends which we have play dates but I don't leave the kids with anyone for a break as such.
When ds1 was born we stayed at dh's parents place for a few months so MIL and SIL were a great help. The saddest thing for me was that my mum died years ago and her not being there was hard. But what do you do? Can't change that. Once we went home and settled in to our new life with bub it was all good. Like you I also have a really good supportive and hands on husband, we have such an awesome relationship.

[DarcyJ]

I have friends and family around but I don't rely on anyone else anyway. We go to Nanny's a lot but it's mostly because she wants to see him. I would usually prefer to stay at home anyway but I take him to Nanny's because I get the guilt trip if she goes too long without seeing him. Mind you 'too long' for her is a few days. We have recently left him with her for a few hours at a time to go out alone which is nice but not something I couldn't live without.

Most of my in-laws just annoy me anyway and bub doesn't particularly like them, nor would I ever allow them to babysit. Honestly I don't think it would be that much harder on my own, as long as I had DF. The rest of the family don't help much anyway.

[BigRedV]

Nope, we just get on with it.

My mum isn't capable of babysitting due to disability and in laws live overseas.

I'm not comfortable getting strangers from a website to babysit, so hubby and I ask bil if absolutely desperate, or we go out separately with our own friends.

[BornToBe]

Yes I wish I had family close by to drop in on. I especially envy those with family members with young kids - cousins etc for the kids to play with. I don't have that for my two and it is one of my biggest concerns for them growing up, a lack of community around them.
As they get older I will work harder at forming that community through groups and meets. Sometimes I wish we were a religious family as church seems a convenient way to meet people!