Hubby & I are planing at home birth in February, my daughter will be 23 months old & I would love for her to be at home but hubby is worried she might not understand & possibly get upset.
Anyone who has experience of having children in particular younger children, would love to hear your thoughts
Thanks in advance :-)
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19-09-2013 12:47 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
Children at home birth
19-09-2013 12:56 #2
It would be a good idea to have a support person for dd. Someone who is able to look after her so you don't have to worry and can take her to their house if she finds it too distressing.
19-09-2013 13:59 #3
When I had DS2, DS1 3.5yrs was scared as I was in pain with contractions & wouldn't come near me after DS2 was born as he didn't want to hurt me.
Might be a little bit traumatic for her
DH 37 + me 33 = DS1 3.5 & DS2 10 wks
19-09-2013 14:32 #4
I'll be having my child there, and that would be true no matter her age.
She'll have her own support person too (my mum) and she can either take DD elsewhere if need be, or just keep her occupied in the house. It also means Mum can feed her, organise bed, etc... do things that mean DP and I don't have to. If something "bad" happens, Mum will be there to make sure she's kept safe.
I've heard of plenty of birth stories where older children are present. I think in a hospital setting it would be much more traumatic than at home... the environment is the same, there's not a heap of strangers poking at your screaming mother, there's no creepy machinery... and all the tales I've heard of older children being present for a planned homebirth have been lovely... like toddlers mopping Mum's forehead with a wet washclock, or watching on quietly and with intrigue, etc.
I want my daughter to be present because it will as life-changing for her as it will be for us, but also because I want her to see how birth is supposed to be - how it's not really as the movies depict it. She'll be brainwashed with that nonsense anyway... might as well let her experience how birth CAN be.
19-09-2013 14:52 #5
I'd be more worried about my older child disturbing me than them being distressed 'muuuuum why are you wearing no pants? Muuuum it's MY turn to go in the pool. Muuuum muuuuum! MUM! Look I can do hopping.' Etc etc. God my kids won't let me poo by myself there's no chance they'd let me birth in peace.
19-09-2013 16:08 #6
My son was 23 months old when his little bro was born at home. Along with DH, and the MW, we also had a doula, and she was his support person (as well as DH) and it worked beautifully.
I had been preparing him beforehand by talking to him about the baby and the birth, he came to MW appointments with me, listened through the stethoscope, etc. I made a point of explaining about funny noises I might make, actually making a bit of a game with him acting it out.
Also read "Hello Baby" to him (HB kids book) and showed him birth videos, and explained what was happening.
Kids just go with the flow at birth, I think they realise there is something 'big' happening, and they take their cues from the adults, if the situation is calm and chilled, they pick up on that and are quite relaxed.
My son was actually in the kitchen at the point of crowning, conning the doula into opening a packet of biscuits!
Last edited by MilkingMaid; 19-09-2013 at 16:12.
19-09-2013 16:35 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
I will have my hubby & my best friend here & I could also ask my mum but I think my best friend will be fine to look after DD.
I think she will really benefit from it, like she is apart of it & I hate the thought of her leaving our home me pregnant & coming back & there is a baby.
AM - I showed her birth videos last night & she got so excited when the baby came out, I want her to have that with her little sibling.
I guess if she gets distressed my mum can always come over & get her...
Thanks for the replies.
19-09-2013 16:55 #8
Missy of all the HB stories I've heard about with kids present, I actually can't think of any where the children were so distressed they had to be taken away. (Or distressed at all actually!) Usually if it's a bit intense, then distraction in another part of the house is enough, or going for a bit of a walk or something.
I was quite worried beforehand, and everyone (HB'ers) assured me it would be fine, and they were right. When my 3rd son was born at home, his 3 and 5 yr old bros were there, again, no big deal.
And that time we just had DH and a doula (no mw)
19-09-2013 17:30 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
I think she will be fine too.
19-09-2013 17:57 #10
Definitely go for it!
I was three when my brother was born - and i'm now a midwife ;-) pivotal, life changing moment!
Additionally, at the last homebirth we had, the then youngest was 23months and she LOVED it. We prepared her lots
read homebirth books (hello baby, my brother jazzy jim and a few others i've forgotten the name of), watched youtube clips. explained what would be happening. Mimicked the birthing noises that could be expected
She also had her own support person who was happy to come/go as she needed.
And she LOVED being in the birth pool. had an absolute ball. didn't really 'get' it, but was totally on board with having a new baby.
It was gorgeous :-)
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