I find this really common. I've stupidly been in 2 DV relationships and both times the mothers were willing to turn a blind eye and defend and protect their sons.My MIL has never asked me about it, offered consolation or a sympathetic ear. In fact she blames me. Her son is untouchable. I'll never forgive her for her lack of empathy.
If my boys grew up to be like that i'd be horrified initially and then just incredibly disappointed. I would do everything in my power to try and convince him his behaviour is wrong and to seek professional help. I would offer the partner and kids a place to stay and any help i could.
I guess in a situation where the woman won't leave, reporting to it DOCs and the police might be the only way to try and ensure the safety of any children involved.
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Results 11 to 19 of 19
19-09-2013 12:37 #11
19-09-2013 13:13 #12
Honestly? If my DIL wanted to brush it under the carpet there would be no softly softly. I would be whipping my grandchildren out of that situation faster than you could blink, and then try to help the DIL. But my grandchildren would be the only ones i really cared about in that situation.
19-09-2013 15:13 #13
My ex-MIL just shrugged her shoulders helplessly when I told her what had been happening. In fact, I was begging her to help her son before I left him (my FIL had died unexpectedly of a heart attack a few years previously). When I finally walked out, both she and my ex-husband were quite surprised. But no one in the family would speak to my ex, or offer to help him, as I had requested.
i hope my two boys are respectful if women and know how and where ti get help if they need it. My husband is so gentle that I can't imagine our boys ever thinking violence is the answer. If there were abusive to a future partner, I would do what I could to help them all.
19-09-2013 15:20 #14
I would be horrified if my any of my children turned out to be abusive to their partners.
who ever was being hurt would have my full support.
I've been the partner receiving assistance from the 'Parents in Law'... having the father of my then partner give me a can of Oil Dispersant, and telling me to aim for his eyes if he came back to the house when they weren't there.
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19-09-2013 18:45 #15
I'm not sure there's much you realistically COULD do, not to stop him anyway. If he's used to using violence to get his way, I don't think that I would be able to do anything to stop him... and even attempt to do so might end with me injured too.
I suppose I would support his partner/their kids to escape, and help them remain safe and well looked-after. I would do what I could to encourage him to seek help. If he wasn't interested in that, I would absolutely report him. It may be what he needs to finally see he needs serious help.
This is all completely hypothetical and maybe even a touch ignorant... I haven't known anyone who's lived in this kind of life to my knowledge, so I haven't, as far as I know, interacted closely with a perp of domestic violence.
19-09-2013 18:55 #16-
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I would tell my son if I ever found out he had touched his wife I would call the cops on him. Then I would tell the wife if my son ever touched her she could come and stay with me and I would help her get on her feet.
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Purple Lily (19-09-2013)
19-09-2013 18:59 #17
I am trying to teach my sons that there is never a reason to ever hurt a women/girl.
If he did i would call the police and testify in court. I would still love him and be there for him. I would be there to help him accept that consequences of his actions
19-09-2013 19:29 #18
As someone who lived, as a child and teen for 14 years in a situation of DV, I don't think anyone can say what they would do, until they're in the situation. Because in my experience no-one did anything, even when they saw it with their own eyes. I was the only person who ever stood up to my step-father when I just snapped one day and confronted him in the heat of the moment when he was standing over my mother. His own mother adored her son and never said a word or did anything even though she saw it once when staying with us overseas.
So yes, it's easy to say 'I would do' this or that, but in most situations no-one ever does. Although, I think I can safely say I would definitely if my son ever was abusive! But he won't be because I'll make da.mn sure he grows up to treat women/people with love and kindness.
19-09-2013 19:52 #19
I would offer her information and support, I would set examples of how good relationships should be. I would call out inappropriate behaviour, because it's the right thing to do , and shows the person being abused and the children that it's unacceptable.
Id get pamphlets and info and find a way to get it to her. I'd help her make an escape plan and offer to keep important information and documentation safe for her. I'd offer her a place to stay.
Id encourage her to report it when she was ready. I'd let her know that I'd help her whenever and no matter how many times she needed it.
Id make sure there were no children at risk, and if there were I'd report it to DOCS.
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