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  1. #81
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    I've just read from the start if this thread and I honestly just can't believe the s**t these people have pulled!! It's disgusting! I'm so sorry you have had to put up with this kind of c**p.

    I think your plan sounds like the only sensible thing you can do..,and I can totally understand you wanting them to out the final nail in their own coffin! After all this time you just want it to end.

    All the best x

  2. #82
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    Depending on how you and your DH feel it might be best to cut them off and if it means cutting off extended family too, so be it.

    We were going through similar s***a few years ago with the ILs. DH could never see how horrible, controlling, manipulating and back stabbing were being until they started their behaviour on our DS and nephew. DH finally saw that their behaviour was unacceptable and we stopped contact. We didn't really tell them, we just stopped going over there and they never came to our house anyway. After a year they finally realised that we haven't seen them in a while and stated spreading s*** about us to the extended family. Luckily, some of the extended family know what they are like, so some knew there was more to the story and some believed them. It doesn't really bother me and DH what they say about us because we don't see the extended family anyway. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have Christmas with the IL and having this big extended family celebration, but I know that what I think it might be and what it will actually be like is different.
    Also, DH and I don't fit as much as we used to when we saw the ILs. I no longer keep up with the new rumours they have created and spread about us. Ignorance is bliss

  3. #83
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    Dh has totally caved. He is messaging them and meeting them in a public place to talk next weekend.

    I have to support him, and I will. But it makes me sick that I have to watch them hurt my hubby and my kids for the rest of my life

    Bit of a hormonal vent...


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  4. #84
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    Meeting with them is ok as long as you won't sit there and let them bully him. Work out a strategy and stick to it together and if it gets derailed walk away.


    Mummy of Max 2 from donor eggs from my lovely sister.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    Meeting with them is ok as long as you won't sit there and let them bully him. Work out a strategy and stick to it together and if it gets derailed walk away.


    Mummy of Max 2 from donor eggs from my lovely sister.
    He doesn't want me to come. He doesn't think I should have to deal with it. But it makes me feel powerless in whatever 'resolution' they come to iykwim? I have already told him to not tell them they can see me or DD, I'm not necessarily ready for that.

    How do you let go of your instinct to protect your kids in situations like this? And dh? I don't want to see them, but also don't want to not be there when they see my kids because I'm too scared of what they will do to them. They have done such a number on dh, I don't want them to be able to do it to my kids


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
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    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  6. #86
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    I don't think you should have any concerns about them being in your children's life. I predict he will go to the meeting, they will go on about how everything is your and your DH's fault, they feel persecuted and misunderstood blah blah, and I see your DH walking away.

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    rach85  (28-09-2013),VicPark  (28-09-2013),Wise Enough  (28-09-2013)

  8. #87
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    Ok but still work on the points you are putting across and tell him to be firm. Still work on the strategy. Maybe wait on the car with the kids so its not a drawn out process and he's in, listens to them, says his point and out


    Mummy of Max 2 from donor eggs from my lovely sister.

  9. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't think you should have any concerns about them being in your children's life. I predict he will go to the meeting, they will go on about how everything is your and your DH's fault, they feel persecuted and misunderstood blah blah, and I see your DH walking away.
    God I hope so!!!!!!!


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.

  10. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by rach85 View Post
    He doesn't want me to come. He doesn't think I should have to deal with it. But it makes me feel powerless in whatever 'resolution' they come to iykwim? I have already told him to not tell them they can see me or DD, I'm not necessarily ready for that.

    How do you let go of your instinct to protect your kids in situations like this? And dh? I don't want to see them, but also don't want to not be there when they see my kids because I'm too scared of what they will do to them. They have done such a number on dh, I don't want them to be able to do it to my kids


    Me 27 + Him 28 =
    DD- 20.7.2012
    #2 due 28.1.2014
    6 angels loved and missed.
    before he meets with them...sit down and make a list of what is negotiable and what is not.

    Make sure he feels happy with that list and then when he is with them...he knows that anything outside of what you guys agreed on is not to be agreed to.

    If they want something that he thinks might be OK but you guys have not discussed he simply says "look, I will discuss that with "my wife" and get back to you."

    As long as you guys know where your boundaries are then it will be ok.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    rach85  (28-09-2013)

  12. #90
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    If I were you I would make it a rule they can't see your children while you aren't there. That way you can control what happens make sure they aren't playing games with your kids. These sort of people might start trying to turn your kids against you, planting ideas that mummy is mean and won't let me see you.

    Also if the rule is you must be there it might turn out your busy A LOT so can't see them much


 

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