Just looking for some reassurance that I'm not being unreasonable, or honest opinions if I am...
So we completed our parenting class today and the midwife ran through SIDS and what you can do to minimise the risk. One of the tips was to have any smoking family members shower and change clothes before handling bub because the cigarette smoke lingers on them afterwards and can be overpowering when bubby is held close to them.
This is our first and I'm only 33 weeks so we still have a few more weeks ahead of us before bubs arrival but on mentioning it to mum (a smoker) tonight and letting her know that when she comes to visit us and bub she'll need to wash and change, she didn't seem overly pleased.
I know it's our baby and we decide what is best for baby and make the rules, but just wondering if this seems over the top. Is it harsh to request that the grandma has to wash and change before she can hold her grandchild?
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14-09-2013 19:29 #1Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Third Hand Smoke
14-09-2013 19:37 #2
Sadly in my experience a fairly typical smokers response OP. I had the same issues with MIL and anyone else who smoked. They had to at the very least wash their hands and DH had a smoking jumper. I'm not against smoking, I smoke occasionally myself. However, this attitude of being made to feel that asking people to do these things means you're over reacting, is my current frigging peeve.
I actually am having issues with on several levels with grand parent attitudes around my requests as the parent.
14-09-2013 19:38 #3
In answer to your question, no it's not harsh. It's a fairly simple and easy to follow request.
14-09-2013 19:49 #4
She wouldn't be pleased. It's a big effort for her to go to. But that's not your problem - she has other options, such as not smoking at all when her grandchild is going to be around, or choosing to smoke and and not hold her grandchild. Your child, your rules. I'd make sure she knows you're not judging her smoking, and then help her realise it's her choice and hers alone. I say this as a smoker in a non-smoker's body, btw, and have absolutely nothing against people's right to choose what they put in their own bodies. Your baby doesn't have the capacity to make that choice yet, though, and it's your job to protect her and keep her healthy. Absolutely within your rights.
As a compromise I would suggest a 'smoking jacket', hair back and vigorous hand wash, but only if you are comfortable with that.
14-09-2013 20:19 #5-
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Our childbirth education class was told this too - that smoke on clothing/skin is a sids risk and can cause respiratory irritation for babies.
There's an article here with some info on why it's a risk (how the smoke particles that are left on surfaces and clothing react and form carcinogens), which may help your mum understand from your point of view: http://www.nbcnews.com/id/35318118/n.../#.UjQwgmT0-8E
Last edited by 1234Guest; 14-09-2013 at 21:03.
14-09-2013 20:22 #6
You are not unreasonable.
Expecting to cuddle a newborn when you reek of durries and have unwashed hands is unreasonable.
14-09-2013 20:32 #7-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Good on you stand firm!
14-09-2013 20:42 #8
I don't think your being unreasonable at all. My DH is a smoker & I made him shower, change clothes etc after smoking before cuddling DD. Luckily he got use to it when I was pregnant cause the smell made me vomit.
On the positive he has cut back his smoking substantially.
14-09-2013 20:45 #9
If DP doesn't quit before bub arrives she will be getting told she can't touch the baby while she smells of smoke. One of my SIL's will be getting told the same thing, if she smells of smoke she won't be coming in the house or near the baby.
14-09-2013 21:04 #10
Stand your ground!
I'm a smoker. If I had one when the kids were babies I'd shower and change. If I can then any other person can. Sure you'll get some resistance but tough. It's your child so your rules.
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