Hi all, I'm looking for some advice/ personal experience from others as to what happens with the family mediation through The Family Relationships Center.
After FOB hasn't bothered to see DS (4 years old) for 3 months straight, he has decided to contact Family Relationships Australia for mediation for the both of us to work things out I guess.
I've had issues with FOB on and off over the past few years since we split, and the last time we had an argument I just ended up telling him not to bother seeing DS until he agrees to pay some form of child support. He normally has him every second weekend from fri night till sun avo.
To keep things up to speed, here is a bit of background with what I'm dealing with.
After about a year on a private agreement of child support to be paid he decided not to pay on time so we decided to go through CSA.
We had CSA do as assessment that came up that he owes me approx $200 per month on his current income because they had no record of any tax returns filed in recent years. It then went down to $0 per month after 2 days (second letter) even though he works full time on 40k pa. I thought it was weird but apparently he owes nothing in maintenance because he filed three years worth of tax returns last financial year in which one of them from a couple of years ago he wasn't working for about 3 months.
So instead of going by his last tax return they made an estimation from all three years.
Coming back to three months ago we both agreed to go with having a private agreement again, we both decided that we would go back to him paying the $200 per month, but then the night before I was going pop over to his place for him to sign his agreement the next morning at 12am he sent me an sms telling me he was backing out and though paying $200 per month on 40k pa was too much and he was happy to keep it at $0 until next august.
So yeah he hasn't bothered to see DS or contact me for 3 months & is now wanting to sort things out, what should I expect with my situation I'm in?
I'm wanting to be fair, I want him to see his son, but I also want him to do the right thing morally for his son, the money isn't about me, it's so DS can do swimming lessons and to be able to buy clothes which I really struggle with without that little bit of CS I do need. I guess I'm just over all the manipulating & stress he causes.
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10-09-2013 15:33 #1
Family Mediation with FOB
10-09-2013 15:46 #2
I'm not sure about mediation sorry but have you yourself actually spoken to the child support agency? Because that does not seem correct at all! Even if he was on the dole he would still have to pay CS.. I would check that if I was you! You can also lodge an 'investigation' form through CS so they can request more info from him (pay slips etc)
10-09-2013 16:04 #3
Yeah thats why I was so confused about it, I have rung CSA multiple times and they just tell me its what the ATO worked out for them so they go by that. And the last time I called they finally figured that it was $0 because he put the three tax returns through at the same time. I also have put in the change of assessment form to work something out but am yet to hear back from CSA. They said it will take 2-3 months to process.
10-09-2013 16:10 #4
I would speak to cs and request an investigation because $0 doesn't sound right unless they thought he paid too much when you guys had a private agreement and now he doesn't owe anymore until a later date.
Either way... Cs and visitation are 2 very seperate things and they shouldn't inter relate at all in my opinion. He shouldn't pay cs to see his ds. Your ds should have access to see his father regardless of what's going on with cs.
10-09-2013 16:21 #5
I also agree that I should keep the visitation rights and what he pays in CS separate, which is why it's gotten to where it is. He knows that he can see DS even if he doesn't pay anything, and uses it against me, manipulates the situation, makes me drive everywhere so he can see DS (he doesn't drive and wouldnt dare take the time & public transport to pick him up). It's just gotten worse over the years and I've finally had enough. I'm not stopping him in any way from seeing him, he just decided not to bother contacting me/his son in the past 3 months because I told him not to bother if he doesn't care.
10-09-2013 17:07 #6
It must be difficult not knowing whether the money is going to be there or not every month. It would play havoc with financial planning and is pretty slack all round.
I'm really not sure what he hopes to achieve with mediation if he isn't paying cs and your not withholding visitation. Have you got a parenting agreement in place?
10-09-2013 17:27 #7
CrankyOldCow- Thanks for the info & advice, I talked to someone from Relationships Australia today and they didn't go info much detail, so I thought I'd seek advice from the lovely BH community
Also, the lady on the phone today said I can bring someone for support for my first appointment with them, am I able to bring them each time or just first off?
It's not just about the CS that an issue, it's drama over drop offs/pick ups, diet while hes there (he just pretty much eats junk the whole time hes there), "punishment" which I consider child abuse & have seeked advice from a police officer about. etc. But I will write everything down to what I'd like to have addressed and I'm open to what he wants too, it's just going to be difficult as he is so stubborn to agree to anything, which is why I am so lenient on things because its "his way or the highway", sigh!
RippaRita- that's what I'm hoping for, like some form of a contract where we both agree on whats expected of each other financially & parenting wise (for eg I refuse to give DS coke, yet he has it on a daily basis at his fathers house, I don't smack, he does etc- But I don't think that'll play into it), ge, I would never have though that when we were together that it would come to this, I feel like were being so childish right now. Which I admit, we are, but I believe Im doing whats in DS's best interest.
10-09-2013 18:46 #8
Yeah it's hard knowing that when DS goes to his fathers he will be dealt with much differently that I would like when he has been playing up. and fed junk food all weekend then come home in a foul mood coming down from a sugar high. It happens every time.
Hopefully FOB doesn't act childish and selfish to the point that we cannot agree and sort something out.
I'm sorry to hear your ex was so difficult, I hope things are better for you now.
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