So I'm a newly single mum :/ I'm starting to get my head around everything now (finances/custody arrangements etc).
But what I'm still not used to yet is the idea that my exdh could be with someone else right now, and if he is its none of my business, I know that. But it doesn't make it easier to deal with :/ . The separation is only new and I'm still not used to him not being around.
So how long did it take other single mums to get over 'these thoughts', does it get easier?
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28-08-2013 20:12 #1
Newly single mum
29-08-2013 19:38 #2
Hey there, I promise it does get easier When my ex first started seeing someone after our break up I lost it for a little while - even though our split was mutual and I didn't want to be with him, it seemed so incredibly unfair that he could move on while I was always looking after DD and didn't even get the chance to have fun, let alone meet a new partner.
Anyway, I got over it completely after a few weeks. I'm sure the time frame will be different for everyone, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to go through it, but it is completely normal Good luck and enjoy being a single mum. I love it
29-08-2013 19:58 #3
01-09-2013 11:40 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
What the others said. I struggled the most when I initially found out about his new partner/gf/whatever she is (still not sure) and was quite torn up about it for a few months...not because I wanted to be with him, but just the whole idea of someone "taking my place". I actually surprised myself with this reaction- I honestly thought it would bother me a lot less, as the break up was my idea and I've never regretted it.
The part I found hardest was the fact that she got to spend time with my kids. I had all this jealousy about another woman/potential caregiver in their lives, that I didn't have a say about. The fact my ex lied about the length of time he'd been involved with her didn't help matters (ie: still trying to get back with me while already months into seeing her...) and I felt deceived even though the relationship was over by the time I learnt of her existence.
It's not easy. Having a family/home/building a life with someone means you lose so much more than just the relationship when you separate, and watching them waltz away and start sharing that with someone else can be hard. It frustrated me that my ex had so much freedom to start a new r/ship whilst I barely ever had a night alone due to the care arrangements of our kids.
Now, about two years on I'm much more comfortable with everything. That might sound like ages but it just took me a while to adjust, there were lots of overhanging issues between me and him (still are!) that made those negative feelings about the new partner drag on. I still have nothing to do with her- he never even introduced us- but I have come to accept her place in his life and that of my children. I know she can never be a mother to them or take my place, and I'm much more at peace with that now. He took the kids out today for fathers day- he's never done that before- and I suspect she organised it, because he would never bother himself. So they'll spend fathers day with him and some other woman, but I don't really care anymore. I just enjoy the time alone and the time I get with my kids.
It will get easier. Promise x
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