I do the school run, daycare run, grocery shopping and cooking. I also do mine and the kids washing, fold and put away. DH packs and empties dishwasher and does his own washing and irons his own shirts. Cleaner does the rest: mop, vacuum, toilets, bathrooms, clean out fridge, windows..etc. When I was a single mother with one child I did everything and coped fairly well. As soon as DH moved in and baby #2 came along, we got a cleaner as he cant expect me to be his maid.
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27-08-2013 13:09 #21
27-08-2013 13:21 #22Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
I am a sahm and would go crazy if I didn't get out of the house at least twice a week!! Even if its just to the park or beach to get a coffee. I am lucky my mum lives around the corner, so she gets nanny time at park and I get to sit and have a nice coffee.
with housework I do everything!!! My DH travels 2 wks a month and works from home. Honestly sometimes drives me crazy! I have DS 2 and DD 7 months I do everything for them as we'll DH does all the fun and exciting things I do all boring everyday things lol
But he does all outside work and car stuff and helps clean up after dinner maybe twice week same with bath time? Cooking he cooked once.... Will never let him do it again!!! HORRIBLE thinks he is Jamie OLiver just because you like different foods doesn't mean they all go together lol
i am usually pretty happy with how things are rules are if he has been away or hasn't helped he has to take us out for a nice lunch and fun on wknd good for everyone
27-08-2013 13:22 #23Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
27-08-2013 13:53 #24
Our house is all hands on deck.
I work partime, hubby works around 60 hours a week - hard physical job and he still helps with housework, cooking and kids.
27-08-2013 14:16 #25
DH does lawn care, car care, and fixes things that break in the house (or need to be upgraded ).
I do the rest, it works for us and I think it's fair since DH works outside the home and I want him to be able to have decent down time (I take my down time during the day when I get a minute).
We're soon to have two under two, but I don't think things will change that much (I'm having a c section though and I'm sure he will help look after DD and the house while I recover).
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27-08-2013 14:30 #26Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
always been a bit of a contentious issue in our house....i work 3 days a week, DH is working a lot at moment some weeks its 6 days, last week even was at work on the sunday too so its falling all on my shoulders....i certinaly feel i should do more seeing as im at home BUT i do feel that at times Dh just walks in a flops on the lounge when he gets home....now i NEVER do that and can do that..there is always stuff to be done....to his credit he does help with the bathing and puttintg kids to bed, we take one kid each but my main bone of contention is a) not picking up after himself eg dirty laundry cos ffs im not his slave b) not taking the rubbish bins out from the kitchen daily (often there is 2 or three days of rubbish and i get stubborn and refuse to do it cos its designated as HIS job and then he gets dirty cos i wont do it for him c) if he just flops on the lounge after the kids have gone to bed and he has finished putting one kid to bed first while im still in there putting the other the bed and the kitchen still needs cleaning after tea..that irks me. he will do what i ask but we have this pathetic ongoing issues about it....all i ask is that the above be done....not too hard! i know he beleives deep down that cos im at home 2 days a week more then him etc that i should have a tidier house...but his version of tidying up is just putting the kids toys in the baskets and wiping the kitchen benches down....he does not SEE there are a hundred other jobs that need doing...
27-08-2013 15:19 #27
DH used to be great at helping, but somehow things magically changed to me doing everything. I do all the cooking, shopping, washing, tidying, cleaning, bath times, garden work, homework, pet care, resettling kids, managing appts. And I'm studying a demanding degree. DH gets home, gets on the computer and that's it. He says he's tired and needs 'downtime'. Hang on, sorry, he does read DD her bedtime story, and he makes me a morning coffee. That's it.
I'm not happy with the current arrangement and in the past when I've raised it he's been good at pitching in, but he's feeling hard done by in life atm and not budging.
I'm happy to do most of the jobs, but would like more help with the kids during the evening.
27-08-2013 15:24 #28
As others have said, what's "fair" depends so much on your situation.
For us, my partner runs his own business from home. He probably works at least 65 hours a week. Things that are typically "his" responsibilities on top of that are looking after the car, motorbike, bathing our daughter in the evenings, 1 overnight feed and doing the dishes.
Typically "my" responsibilities are most things related to our daughter, shopping, cooking, washing, general cleaning/tidying, bins. Yard stuff is generally shared. He's also happy to do anything I ask him to do.
I think he does way more than his share... I get far more time to relax than he does. That though is largely because he never sees any time as "spare" time... if it doesn't have a set purpose, then he spends it working. It bothers me a bit because I'd love to see him do things he wants to do that aren't necessary, but that's just him... I'm slowly getting used to it. Me doing more around the house wouldn't do anything to reduce his stress, and he'd probably feel guilty about it. So I let him.
If the division of work around your house is a source of contention, then it probably needs tweaking. Good luck!
27-08-2013 15:46 #29
To play Devil's advocate, I do not believe for one second that "fair" depends on individual family circumstances. I believe that to be a cop out that is just reinforcing outdated social constructions that housework/childcare is predominately women's work.
It shouldn't matter what your family arrangement is, those household duties and childcare responsibilities, should fall equally on both adults. There's absolutely no reason why they can't, except for those outdated excused "well, I'm home more" or "he needs to relax when he comes home" and "he works so hard". Well you know what? SO DO YOU!
Mothers, of all descriptions, work damn hard, and did you know, that even in families where BOTH parents are working equal hours outside of the home, it is still the woman who does the vast majority of household duties and childcare.
The only way things are ever going to change, is to lead by example. Pass on to your own children that household and childcare duties should be equal within the home, regardless of what happens outside of the home, and you are instilling those values in to them, that they may too role model on to their own children and so on and so forth. Eventually (but yes, very very slowly) changing the way society thinks, and then perhaps one day, the social construction that household and childcare duties are that of a woman, will be over.
27-08-2013 16:09 #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
For us, it seems fair to me that I'm home so I do the housework. I see it as my 'job' instead of doing paid work. DH will do dishes sometimes and pack/unpack dishwasher as needed. He'll do a load of washing occasionally too. It was the same when I was working full time too (before DD was born). I'm happy with this, but I know a lot of people wouldn't be. It's about whatever works for you and your family.
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