I am 25 years old and a stay at home mum of a 2 year old girl and 4 month old boy. I have been married almost 3 years and I really do love my husband and my kids.
My husband is working 3 jobs at the moment to give me my dream to stay at home with the kids. He is barely home. But every time he leaves for work, or sits down to play on his computer, or anything really, I find myself resenting him. I feel like I am working 24/7 with looking after the kids, cleaning the house, washing and ironing, plus I make candles which I sell for extra money. I feel like I have NO time to myself and whenever he leaves for work or does something fun for himself while I am stuck looking after the kids, I just hate on him so much! I feel bad because he says goodbye when he heads off for work and I get cranky with him. He is tired from working so much, I am tired and stressed because I feel like a single mother (not that he helps when he's home anyway!).
I know my feelings are not "normal" and are really unfair towards him. I know I have had a history with depression, but I don't know what to do. We only have one car which he takes to work, he's hardly home so I can't go see a psychologist or see anyone. I am not a social person and I don't want to go to playgroups. I have separation anxiety from my kids and don't want to leave them, but at the same time I would just love a day off to do nothing! The thought of leaving them makes me feel like a terrible mother and like I am abandoning them! But I find myself getting angry at them so easily now, and I don't want to be that kind of mother!
Does anyone else feel like this? How did you get through it? I feel so helpless and alone.
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25-08-2013 15:54 #1Junior Member
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- Aug 2013
I resent my husband and am angry/sad all the time!
25-08-2013 16:00 #2
You are not a terrible mother for wanting / needing a break. We all feel like that sometimes.
Do you have any family that could watch the kids for a few hours even at your place while you are there so there's no separation and you can have an hour to yourself??
Your dh is working 3 jobs, you can't hate on him for that. He would be exhausted.
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25-08-2013 16:02 #3Junior Member
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- Aug 2013
My family live hours away and his parents aren't my biggest fans
25-08-2013 16:14 #4
Maybe take them to an indoor play centre, let them run wild and read a magazine
25-08-2013 16:34 #5
If I were in your situation, I would get my husband to drop a job (esp if he is working 3!!) and I would find some part time work. You said your dream is to be a sahm so he is busting himself to make it your reality, but it doesn't seem to be working out for you all. I think you need to find a better balance. Working can be very good for mums at risk of depression.
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25-08-2013 16:48 #6
You say your husband is providing for you so you can live your 'dream' of being a SAHM - yet you're miserable. Seems as though its nit your dream after all.
But it's hard to offer advice because you also don't want to leave your kids, yet you want a break.
I think you need to 1. Think about what you want exactly, then 2. Talk to your partner about it and let him know you can't go on this way, and you'd like A, B and C to happen and see what he says. What does he want? Ask him what he would like to change.
Communication is key, otherwise you will get nowhere. Compromise (both of you) is also important as clearly something needs to change as your 'dream' isn't exactly working out for you.
25-08-2013 16:55 #7
25-08-2013 17:27 #8
I agree with MummaOj. You need to find a better balance in your family life, for the sake of your family.
If you are feeling shut off because you don't have a car, can you drop your DH off and pick him up one day a week so that you can do some of the things that you need, like seek some help if you are feeling depressed.
There is no shame in admitting that being a SAHM is not giving you the fulfilment that you expected. No one can know the realities of doing it until you are in it and when it takes your DH working 3 jobs to make it work, of course you will feel lonely and like you are not getting help.
25-08-2013 17:31 #9
Totally get where you're coming from OP. I am a SAHM with an almost 3 year old DS and a husband that can often be at work for 12 hour days 5-6 days per week with minimal other family support. It can be very isolating. I too find myself resenting DH a little at times for hardly ever being around at home to help, but in reality he works dam hard to earn the money he does so that I can stay home. It's a catch-22.
For me, I find getting out of the house every single day helps - even if it's just a walk to the park or to the shops.
Are you involved with a playgroup at all? Find this good for providing socialization for DS and also me.
And finally, I have just enrolled DS into occasional childcare for 1 morning per week (just 3 hours) - I know you said you suffer separation anxiety but 3 hours flies by so it might be worth considering just for your eldest. It might just give you a little chance to 'refresh'.
25-08-2013 17:41 #10
Also, I just wanted to add that if it is really taking 3 jobs to enable you to stay at home, perhaps you need to sit down and look at your finances and work out a budget, and trim some fat from your expenses where possible so that your DH can drop a job or cut back. I imagine that if you were to be really honest with each other, he may be feeling some resentment too.
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