Yes and no. Some of parenting simply comes down to personality too.
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23-08-2013 06:54 #11
23-08-2013 07:24 #12
I had both mum and dad up till about 12, mum was always all about dad and had little time for us and dad was all about dad and making sure mum was all about him. I had no playgroup, parties, crafts, special time with mum cooking or reading or playing.....just sitting quietly when the soapies were on.
When I was 12 they divorced and I had no parenting at all from then on, I know that with my first child, now 21, I started to really notice that I had no past experience to draw on in parenting a teenager. I realised it was because I had no parenting as a teenager. It also had a huge impact on my parenting when the kids were little, I made sure they had playgroup, crafts, art, reading stories and loads of special time plus I made myself available to them. That is what I didn't have as a child, I cooked with them and involved them all the time. This was a direct result of not having that as a child.
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23-08-2013 07:26 #13
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23-08-2013 07:26 #14
23-08-2013 07:26 #15
Definitely. I vowed that I would never drink around my kids when they're young and never get drunk in front of them, ever. My dad has some issues with alcohol and when I was in my teens and early 20's I had some rip roaring arguments with him when he was drunk because when he drinks spirits he gets angry.
And I just want to play with and do more with my kids than my parents did with us. Weekends were spent at home, mum and dad doing whatever and my brother and I occupying ourselves. This means I tend to go tpo far in the opposite direction - I take my kids out every weekend, we're rarely home during the day. I love it though, I'll never look back on my life and feel I wasted it by sitting around on weekends
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23-08-2013 07:51 #16
Definitely has shaped how l parent now. In many ways they've shown me how not to parent.
I had two parents who were verbally and physically abusive. It's taken years to come to terms with it all and forgive them.
I've never had them hug me or tell me that they loved me, so l make it a point to hug and tell my kids l love them all the time. I'm also teaching my kids to hug and kiss my parents....breakdown that cold and uptight exterior.
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23-08-2013 07:54 #17
I had the same with my cold ex in laws, my kids and family are cuddlers and my MIL used to do these cold hand patting back hugs, used to look like she was going to puke. My FIL would just leave the room before the kids had a chance to cuddle or kiss him hello or goodbye. Strange lot those ones.
23-08-2013 08:16 #18
I'm much more affectionate to my children than my parents were to me. I don't drink. I have no interest since becoming a parent. I think the stopping during my first pregnancy just ended it for me. I much prefer double Sars lol. I talk to my kids. I've already spoken to my oldest DD about periods and stuff - something that was never done with me. I want her to be open with me.
I also cannot fathom how my father treated us, left us and never contacted us for months and then felt he could waltz back into our lives. I understand my mother more. I used to be so mad at her but now I understand her reasons. Protect the children and all that.
It blows my mind how parents treat their children. Those children grow up into adults who sometimes can't handle their environment. I'm speaking about my husband here. He learnt all the wrong things from his parents. It's led to him being afraid of disciplining his children because he's terrified he'll go too far and behave like his parents. I would never let that happen but it's sad to see.
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23-08-2013 08:23 #19
I wouldn't call my parents 'duds' but they had their faults.
Dad was an alco and mum was just complacent & lazy. I'll never forget the Dr telling mum I need sunglasses or it could make my eyes worse... never got those but she had a few pairs!
Dad ironically was the more affectionate to me, but he was horrid to my siblings.
I will be more approachable and am already more affectionate than my mum is.
I will work my *ss off to make sure I can earn a decent income should DP & I ever separate.
eta: I'll also teach my children how to cook, clean & maintain a house, that no, that huge pile of crap is not ok.
They will also be taught how to handle money.
Please do not quote as I may delete..
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23-08-2013 08:43 #20
I think I over compensate because my childhood was so lonely and I was alone for very long periods on my own from sun up until sun down because my mum worked long hours. When she was home, she would lock herself away from me, drink, and I would act out just to fight with her and get some attention. She used to say horrendous things to me which I still can't comprehend.
it never affected me until I had kids then suddenly I realised I have all these issues..
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