It seems that there are plenty of bubhubbers whose Parents were well "below average". whether they were abusive, alcoholic, workaholic, neglectful or just absent, do you think your "below average" parent has shaped the way you parent?
I know mine have. When I first became a mother It really hit home how neglectful my mother was to me growing up and i know every time I see dh with dd I have pangs of sadness that I never had a father growing up and got to be a "daddy's girl". My childhood has definitely shaped the way I want to parent.
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22-08-2013 22:29 #1
*spin off* those with "below average" parents..
22-08-2013 23:04 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
Same- the absence of 1 parent in my life has made a huge impact on me and how I parent. I am a solo parents child now raising a child on my own. I feel now like I was destined to be a solo parent as that is all I know myself. I get pangs of sadness when I watch families together and wish my own could have that too.
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22-08-2013 23:06 #3
I have tried hard to be the mother I didn't have.
When I had my first child I was so angry with her because I just couldn't fathom why she did the things she did. Her children just were not valuable to her.
I came to terms with her many years ago but occasionally I feel old hurts.
I am always aware though, although mum was a dud, dad was a champion, so lucky to have one decent parent some people have neither.
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23-08-2013 01:11 #4
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23-08-2013 05:05 #5
Id never really thought about before having my own children though..
23-08-2013 05:06 #6
Oh definitely. In my case I had a dad hi just worked that was it and I had a mum who was a stay at home mum who did nothing. There was constant fighting in my household that would result in holes in walls and some other nasty stuff. I'm definately more hands on then my mum was. I make time to play with my kidlets. We cook together. I make sure I'm involved. And I make a point to never fight or argue or disagree I front of my kids.
DH came from a family where his da was an alcoholic who skipped out and and wasn't apart of his life (nearly 13 years absent) but now In the picture again but with an amazing hands on mum. He spends all his spare time with his kids he makes himself available to his kids whenever he is home.
So yep for both DH and I it has definitely shaped who are as parents. Not in showing us what to do but why NOT to do
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23-08-2013 06:02 #7Senior Member
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- Jan 2011
- Among the gumtrees
My mum was an amazing superhero to me, in so many ways i feel like she set the bar so high i didnt want to have kids of my own because i felt like i couldnt be even half the mother she was. And i'm not.
My dad on the other hand, was a workaholic when i was living at home. I never saw him. He helped raise my three older siblings, and was retired by the time my little brother was in primary school, so i feel like the other 4 had a dad but i didnt. He's now dying of emphasema and i'm the one left caring for him every day. I dont love him, i barely know him, except thru stories from the others. This past 6 months that i've been caring for him is more time than i've ever spent with my dad in all my 33 years.
That has definitely shaped the way we parent our kids. I will not tollerate my DH working too much and not seeing and spending time with our kids. I make damn sure he is there for parent teacher interviews and school concerts and all the other important stuff.
The only event my dad ever made it to was my Deb Ball, and even then he refused to get up and dance with me when all the other dads were dancing with their daughters. I was just left standing there.
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23-08-2013 06:04 #8
I can't complain. My parents were/are awesome. I'm best friends with my mother and see her a lot. Dad works a lot, but we also have a great relationship.
My upbringing was great. I can't complain.
Sent from my iPhone using The Bub Hub mobile app
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23-08-2013 06:07 #9
My mother is selfish and narcissistic. If it doesn't suit her it doesn't matter and she will blank you out (even if you are standing there speaking to her!) if she doesn't like what you are saying.
My dad is an abusive, emotionally manipulative alcoholic.
They have shaped who I will be as a parent as I know I want my children to never experience what I've had to deal with growing up and still to this day. They have taught me how not to be a parent to my child.
23-08-2013 06:30 #10
Yes. My parental units weren't abusive or terribly neglectful but at the same time they both worked and I didn't see them often or develop much attachment to them. They also separated when I was young and that was hard. It has affected how I parent, which is typical "AP" style, that is co sleeping, term breastfeeding, all that stuff. I have learnt alot about why parents make certain choices, as never getting "time off" from my kids has its cons as well. I'm also really uptight about letting them cry or get upset about things, and once kids are toddlerhood and beyond that can doubtless lead to being a bit spoilt (working on that). So I do think all parenting styles have pros and cons.
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