I really hope no one else has had to face what I'm currently going through, but if anyone has, I would really appreciate your thoughts and advice.
I had my first BFP last month via IVF. At my 6 week scan, I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum and at my 8 week scan, my FS found a heartbeat at approx 50 beats and he said if this wasn't IVF, he would've dated my pregnancy at 6.5 weeks at best and his diagnosis is the pregnancy is not viable and I am expected to miscarry within the next 1-2 weeks.
I am particularly close to a colleague at work, who has gone through the same and has provided me with a lot of support. The only other person who knows my situation is my boss, but I have limited the details somewhat to what she needs to know to understand why I need to take medical leave.
However I have recently learnt that she has been harassing my colleague for updates on my condition. She has done this in the presence of ex/current colleagues, who know nothing about my situation. When my colleague is unable (and unwilling) to provide enough details to her satisfaction, my boss has approached me first thing in the morning (before I've even put my bag down on my desk) to ask about how my appointments went, what's wrong with the pregnancy, etc.
Ours is an open plan office and there are usually other people in the office, so it's understandable that I do not wish to talk about what I'm going through in those conditions. I also understand that my boss is trying to show her concern for me, but how do I make her understand that I do not appreciate being approached in the office this way nor having a friend drilled about my personal affairs, especially in the presence of people who I have no desire to share this news with?
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19-08-2013 13:40 #1
Dealing with work
19-08-2013 13:51 #2
Would you be comfortable approaching your boss privately and explaining that this is very personal matter and you have only shared the news with her and your friend. Let her know that you do not wish for this to become 'common knowledge', that's why you have limited who is told.
Maybe explain that your friend has been an amazing support person and while you appreciate her concern ask her to respect your.privacy during this.
I hope she is an approachable person who will listen to you.
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19-08-2013 20:48 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
I would defiantly ask her to speak in private or in an office and explain the situation and why you don't want others to know but that you appreciate her concern. If you can't speak face to face either a phone call or email.
Hope it goes well
20-08-2013 17:50 #4
Firstly, nightchild I'm so sorry for your loss :-( It is hard enough to deal with without adding a boss to the mix who is behaving in a completely inappropriate way. I agree with others, ask your boss if you can speak privately and explain that you are going through something extremely personal and emotional. Ask her to speak with you directly and away from other staff. Likewise, ask your work colleague to politely tell your boss it would be inappropriate to share information about someone else's medical situation. People have lost their jobs for less. This type of behaviour could be at best viewed as completely insensitive and at worse as a form of harassment.
Take care and I hope everything works out xxx
21-08-2013 12:57 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
im sorry for what your going through, finally getting pg in ivf and then losing the baby is truly truly awful . happened to me. when i was doing ivf i had already had to tell 2 previous managers, i did not wish to tell the third one as he was a loser...he kept asking my colleague what was "wrong with me" ie being late, reduced days etc.....then told her that i was "sick" and probably wouldnt be doing my job anymore so she could have it!!! ....well i told him wot for!! i confronted him about inappropriateness but didnt tell him my situation. he was just being nosy. i would definately talk to her about the privacy of this issue and express that you are not at all comfortable with her discussing your medical situation in public and with other colleagues. its wrong.
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