I just read this article and it is so so true for my family. My DP doesn't get why I rage about him not knowing who needs what medicine, or when DD needs her next feed, or when we're out of laundry detergent.
I'd love to hear if anyone knows how to get past this. The article suggests we let go and let our other halves take over. I've tried that. But being the one mainly at home, the consequences of DP letting things drop ultimately fall on me during the week. It's a vicious cycle.
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18-08-2013 08:55 #1
18-08-2013 09:28 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
My DH can sometimes be like that too, but given I am the one at home most of the time, as a stay at home mum, I mostly see that kind of day to day household management as part of my role. If he was home, the roles would be reversed.
18-08-2013 09:49 #3
I'd love to know the secret to changing this dynamic too. It doesn't matter if I'm earning/working more or less than him, its always the same. If its a house/kids thing then the ultimate responsibility (and 99% of the work) lies with me.
We plan on him being the SAHP when DS is a bit older. I know it will need to start with a trial run, not just because I'm unsure of how he'll cope with the monotony and isolation, but I don't know if I can relinquish control and accept that sometimes he won't get the kids to swimming on time, pack them the healthiest lunch or realise that 4l of milk won't get us through the week.
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18-08-2013 10:13 #4
I'm a housewife and stay at home mum so I see most of those things as my domain (and I have zero problems keeping our family running smoothly).
I find it interesting though, men have gender roles too. How many of us know how much petrol there is in the lawn mower? or how much cord the whipper snipper has? My husband doesn't complain at me for not maintaining the lawn or car things
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18-08-2013 10:41 #5
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18-08-2013 10:47 #6
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18-08-2013 10:53 #7
I too feel this. I've recently spent some time in hospital (1x3 nights and 1 night) and DP had to pick up the slack at home. His mum helped everyday I was gone for anywhere from 4-8 hours and still came home to massive piles of washing and a messy house with little food in it after the 3 night stay.
I am slowly resigning myself to the fact that I need to ask for things to be done, I know it's not malicious and 9/10 he will do what I ask, he just doesn't see what needs to be done. It's annoying as hell but in 6 yrs it's not changed do I doubt it ever will.
18-08-2013 10:53 #8
I had to direct my DP how to boil peas one night, as I was so sick with the flu and I couldn't move. DP and DS were having rissoles, mashed potato and boiled peas (from the can). I couldn't believe it when he said "Now what do I do?" when it come to cooking. At the same time I laughed, but in the same sense felt sorry for laughing at him. He takes care of yard work and any maintenance work. I cook, clean and basically do everything else.
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18-08-2013 10:57 #9
Yep very similar here Fearless. DH does as much domestic stuff as I do, especially now that I'm back at work.
But, he still doesn't know which drawer DS socks are in, what to pack in his Thomas bag for a day trip or how many ml's of panadol he takes.
I asked him to get nappies the other day and he got 5 massive packs , over 200 nappies, I felt like such a bish when I told him DS had almost outgrown that size and we would probably have to return half the packs.
18-08-2013 11:03 #10
There are things I don't do and things DH doesn't do but DS is shared. I understand this is not how all families work too and that's fine, and to be fair to DH he is really awesome, it's just funny how he overlooks things that I don't, it's not really a criticism of him, just an observation of how we do things differently.
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