I'm not ok
At all but I'm safe x
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04-10-2013 15:24 #791
04-10-2013 15:53 #792-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Oh Hun what's up? Hang in there. Are you seeing your psych every fortnight? As per your recovery plan?
04-10-2013 16:05 #793
Oh Sweetheart... Stay strong and safe!
Big love! xx
04-10-2013 20:15 #794
I'm not seeing anyone. Work is taking Up every second and I love my work. Case worker came and visited and as useless. My atods area is one hour one direction, in Kingaroy. My mental health area is one hour the other direction in Gympie. Neither will take me for both so j give up. I just won't do it. Case worker, whatever she does came and said 'so what do you want from us??' I'm like I have NFi who you are or what you do?!? Someone assigned you to me.
I came so close to dying today. I tried to drive into the town clock and missed. Then drove full speed towards a parked semi. I was supposed to be on my own but dd2 lost is when I was leaving which she never does so I took her then dh car wouldn't start so I took him. I swerved before hitting the semi because of dd. omg I could never hurt her or dh. Then I just lost it. Those feel belly and heart sobs.
I'm so unwell. I craved to go back on my own to the truck. I craved just all of a sudden nothingness ever again. I can't handle the way I feel.
I'm fat. I'm putting on weight and I want to die. Without my looks I am nothing. I am used to being thin. Someone asked me when the baby is due.
I refuse to search for more human help. The public system has made things worse everytime
I have sought help.
I guess I'll have to be fat and suixidal and whatever until I can go somewhere in May.
I tell the kids 1000
Times a day how much I love them. I'm scared how much I love them. It's so painful.
I want help. I can't be turned away anymore
Though: my atods and mental health areas are two hours apart and they refuse to let me just go to the one area. The world can go get effed.
People who have known me on here know how anti daycare j am. I had to enrol dd2 today. She was so so excited to get a uniform tho, so amazingly cute. Dh thinks she isn't safe at the pool with me on mr Meds and how I am. She is my everything and I can look after her but I don't want to lose her ever so she's enrolled. I just pray she thrives.
Sorry this is so typoed and disjointed
, j m actually
Intelligent it is just indicative of my state of Mind and how much idgaf.
04-10-2013 20:25 #795
Can your dh advocate for you to have a single region take on your "whole" health?
You really need some better ongoing help. Can your psych offer you some phone appointments?
I am sorry, I am only asking you more questions and not giving any answers.
Your DD will be fine at daycare. I was so anti-daycare (i was sure I was sending her to spend her days in a damp dungeon with rats) but DD loves it and has done so well there.
04-10-2013 20:31 #796
I'm so sorry to hear this is how you are feeling today big hugs. You have come so far but each day is a day by day battle you go through. It is obvious how much you love your family by the way you talk about them so putting your daughter in care might be a good thing for now but hard to do if even only for a short time. Thinking of you. Dont give up on yourself just think of this as another rough patch and even if you dont have the professional support you should have there are lots of people here to support you.
Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
04-10-2013 20:34 #797
I wish we could make it all better for you, really ****ed off on your behalf at how hard it is to get help but really blown away at how amazing you are too. Keep those you love around you xx
04-10-2013 20:36 #798Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
sweetie, if you are feeling suicidal and the fact that you even attempted it today and yes you swerved at the last minute means you need help NOW, tonight... You need to get help for yourself and your family..
I have been hospitalised 2x for overdosing.. I wanted to end my life so badly but i failed at it.. My Dr said something to me that has stuck in my mind ever since... "You die, you are dead, gone but you leave behind children who will be scarred for life and they will think that you never loved them because you left them and if you love your children you will fight to survive " Those words cut so deep and i vowed to get the help i needed to overcome my demons.. I still to this day struggle , im on medication, im over weight, I cant work because of my depression but im alive and thats what matters most. Im alive to watch my son finish Year 12 and yesterday he told me hes going to be a daddy in 33 weeks and im alive to see my daughter turn 16 and have her first boyfriend..
You have children and you need to fight this for them and for yourself... You can do it, you need to have faith in yourself and you need to FIGHT HARD.. dont let depression win.. Suicide isnt the answer... its a cop out..
When you feel the suicide urge RING SOMEONE, anyone, a friend, a relative, lifeline, the cops, the ambos, RING SOMEONE and ask for help...
Please please please dont suicide, its not worth it... you win then and leave behind a family that will blame themselves... Dont let this ILLNESS you have WIN.......... YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT !!!!
God Bless you and keep you safe
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04-10-2013 20:38 #799
Thinking of you. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I had answers or that the health system could be more helpful. There are so many people on here who are right behind you xx
04-10-2013 20:43 #800
Ffrenchie I am devastated for you that this is how you feel today.
I know you will be aware of these numbers but I am going to post them anyway...and for anyone else who might be reading at home and need an ear or a shoulder.
beyondblue 1300 22 4636 www.beyondblue.org.au
Lifeline 1300 659 467 www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au
SANE Australia Helpline 1800 18 SANE (7263) www.sane.org
Sending love, strength and support. I know you can get through this Ffrenchie
I know you can, it will be worth it on the other side, I promise
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