So about 4-5 years ago, we are not currently seeing one.
I think I'm going to have to go see her doctor ALONE and talk about these things to try and get some help for us.
Things have been so hectic I've just been trying to get through each day I haven't even sat down to look at any of my options.
It also doesn't help when we have just moved for my husbands work and its not a short drive to her house anymore.
My mum lives close by to her, but mum has depression and is going through some stuff right now so I don't have her help anymore.
If anything I'm starting to look after my mother too.
The dog won't be left in her care.
If we can't have him here ill find him a new home.
I hope to have the dog issue resolved by the end of next week.
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16-08-2013 19:51 #11
16-08-2013 19:53 #12-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Hun it sounds like you are having a really tough time. I have helped care for an ill relative (father in law) and watching his demise was awful. I remember thinking how hard it was, how frustrating it was that he couldnt/wouldnt help himself an how it would be easier when he was no longer here. Then when he passed I was devastated.
Below are some thoughts. Feel free to read/not read, follow/ignore, tailor to your own circumstance.
You are in reality a parent to your grandma. You have legal responsibility for her. It's similar to parenting a toddler. When they say horrid things "I dont love you" don't take it personally as they don't mean what they say. They don't fully understand what they say. And sometimes you have to go into business more and just do what's best. Use your judgement as the 'parent' and don't feel guilty. With a toddler don't feel guilty about not giving them an ice cream each time they ask for it. With your gran, don't feel guilty about taking her bank cards.
Regarding the dog things like that play on my mind and I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing the dog is there. Until you hear from your real estate agent can you ask a vet or the RSPCA to house the dog for a few days? You could even pay a small fee. I know you feel obliged to help the dog but do not let that guilt stand in the way of doing what is best for the dog. If you can't house the dog yourself, don't feel guilty about finding the dog a new home. Don't be afraid to put yourself first.
Continue to speak with doctors and I would push for an ACAT assessment. And for additional help such as subsidised home help for your gran so you can get a break.
I know you don't want to go into details about the nursing home debate. All ill say on that (unless you want to talk about it) is don't let past promises, worries about what people will think of you, get in the way of doing what is best for you and your gran.
Last edited by VicPark; 16-08-2013 at 19:55.
16-08-2013 19:55 #13
I just never ever thought she would turn nasty. It's nothing like what she use to be.
My mother was adopted and my grandmother makes it clear now I mean nothing as I'm not blood related.
It's all so horrible.
I try to tell myself it's not her that's talking but sometimes I get upset by her words, then I just feel sad for her
Thank you for the link I saved it on my bookmarks and will have a better look once I calm down a bit.
16-08-2013 19:57 #14
Your grandmother does not realise this but she is so very lucky to have you.
Dementia is a horrible disease and you are trying your hardest for her. It sounds as though she is deteriorating and perhaps you should look into having her reassessed as pp have mentioned.
I can only imagine how hard this may be for you xx
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16-08-2013 20:03 #15
You are giving her the most important and loving of gifts by doing this but you don't have to shoulder the burden alone. This is too big a job for just one person, you have a lot on your plate.
Try to get some rest tonight, allow yourself to be hurt by her words and sleep on it. Then maybe tomorrow start to get together an action plan for during next week. I think sooner rather than later is better
16-08-2013 20:08 #16
I have 1 half sister (we have the same dad) so she has nothing to do with my grandmother.
My mum and dad split up 5 years ago, he lives overseas now and stopped contacting me.
My mum, she was a big help and we did the caring thing together.
But she has depression and is going through a breakdown of sorts at the moment so it's just me with my grandmother and I've kind of been looking after my mum too.
I have no other family.
No aunts, nothing.
I always thought her son was going to be the worst of my problems as he is very stuck in his ways and can make things difficult, but he feels the same as me on many issues regarding his mum so it's been easy with him.
16-08-2013 20:12 #17
At this stage k have no help from any community organizations.
We had a lady who would come and clean the house twice a week from a community organization.
She stopped coming and we had someone else come who my grandmother hated and made a huge song and dance about.
So I clean now.
The only other thing we have is meals on wheels.
Not that my grandmother eats it anyway.
16-08-2013 20:27 #18
Thank you all so much for your replies.
I'm going to take a sleeping pill and try to get some sleep.
Ill come back tomorrow and go through all the links, hopefully sit down with dh at some point on the weekend to get a plan up and running to make things easier.
Ill keep you updated on how things go.
I should have mentioned the landlords of this house live on this street (we have only just moved 4 weeks ago to a small town) so I really do not want to break the no pets on lease rule.
The fact pets were acceptable on the application I'm hoping it won't be an issue to have him here.
But either way he won't be stating with her.
For this I really do not care what she calls me or what she does to me when I go in to take her dog.
It's just not safe.
I might even try my luck with MIL and see if she will look after him until we know more about bringing him here.
As for me seeking more help, I think I'm going to have to do just that.
Especially living further away from her now its all way to stressful.
16-08-2013 20:33 #19
Dementia is nasty. It affects people so differently. I have a mixture of residents. They all have their days of good and bad. Best thing to do is take it one day at a time and please please get some respite organised as you will need it. Being with your grandmother everyday, while its good you are keeping an eye on her and helping, you also need a break as its draining. I only do 6hrs a day and i am drained from that.
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16-08-2013 20:38 #20
I don't have any advice to add, but just wanted to say I agree your grandmother is lucky to have you, and you sound like you are a wonderful, wonderful granddaughter.
I hope you manage to get a good sleep, and I hope you're able to get some assistance.
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