My parents divorced when I was ten, mum had full custody of us kids and we never saw dad but mum kept her married name and I'm glad she did otherwise I would have felt abandoned (and it was a horrid surname too). I never had any connection to my dad's surname....mum was it!
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13-08-2013 12:13 #61-
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- Feb 2013
13-08-2013 12:40 #62
I am not in the position you are in Pesca, however if I was, I'd be reverting to my maiden name at the earliest opportunity. If you do it now while the kids are young, they wont know any different, it'll just be what they've always known.
Years ago I knew a woman who was divorced from her husband and desperately wanted to revert to her maiden name, however her 14 y/o daughter was deadset against it and got terribly upset when it was ever discussed. One day, when the daughter was 18 she came home from Uni and toldher Mum that she now understood why she wanted to revert to her maiden name and she wouldnt be upset in anyway if she did it. The woman literally started the process to reclaim her name the very next day.
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13-08-2013 12:57 #63
His bio dad realised that he really didn't have a case. His argument was that DS1 needed to carry on the name?
But to argue with psychologist/teachers and DS1 himself who is incredibly articulate etc, he really was going to look pretty silly. So he dropped it and signed the papers.
I still believe DS1 would have been allowed to change his name given his circumstances. XP lives interstate and they barely see each other.
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13-08-2013 13:11 #64
My son has bio-dads surname and he refuses to let me change it as he 'loves him so much and I already took him far away and ruined everything' so I have no hope of legally changing it, even though there's minimal contact. My DF and I are engaged and pregnant, our ds will have his name, as does his first child and as I will when we are married. My ds is enrolled in prep under my surname and when we are married, he might decide to informally become 'one of us' and change for school and he might not. When he is 12, he will have the opportunity to decide if he wants his name to change legally and I will be encouraging him to do that. That's 8 years away tho.
Personally pesca, I'd revert.
13-08-2013 15:48 #65
When my parents divorced, my mum changed her name back to her maiden name and tried to change mine too but my dad refused. She ended up choosing a random name out of the phone book and changed both of our names to that (hers properly by deed poll but mine has never been "official"). I have been known by the surname my mum chose for my entire life (since 5 yrs old). My birth certificate has my dads last name on it but everything since has been my new name. I have bank accounts, passport,licence everything in that name.. Everything except my birth certificate which has my dads last name. All I do is sign a stat dec stating that the name mum chose is what I have been "known by reputation" for, my whole life. I've never ever found a problem, even getting a passport or police check for jobs.
on a side note, I couldn't imagine having a different name to my mum growing up. I know many of you do and it works fine but I had nothing to do with my dad. It was just my mum and I and I would of hated having a surname of someone that didn't have a strong presence in my life.
Last edited by RipperRita; 13-08-2013 at 16:16.
13-08-2013 16:36 #66-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Changing your surname is one thing, changing your kids is another. (Not saying you're considering this OP).
My hubby's mum 'forced' him, as a 10 year old to take a doubled-barelled name including his dads surname and his step-dads surname. The fact that I hate doubled barelled names aside, this was a selfish decision of my mother in law. She did it so that her family was more 'complete' and to encourage some kind of better relationship with hubby aNd his step dad. Hubby (who had contact with his dad in the school holidays) saw it as his mum trying to replace his dad with his step dad. He resented her for it.
13-08-2013 16:58 #67
13-08-2013 17:01 #68
Oh and I NEVER had the same surname as my mum and I always took great glee in correcting people.
It wasn't a big thing to me and I'm very close with her extended family.
13-08-2013 17:11 #69
My DS1 has my surname, my DS2 has his fathers surname, and DS3 would probably have had mine again, however we were on our last legs when that bub was born, so I wasn't going to start an argument. My two eldest do get asked at school if they have the same Dad, no biggie really, I'm pretty 'meh' about it!!
I did think I wanted to hyphenate their names, but the cost involved is prohibitive unfortunately
13-08-2013 17:19 #70
DD has DP's surname. I wanted her to have mine but he complained to no end and I just gave up. It doesn't bother me really anymore and no one has ever commented or said anything about her and I having different surnames. I know DP would never agree for it to be change, i wont change mine whilst we arent married and I highly doubt well ever get married as he doesn't see the point in it, so it is what it is.
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