Dp has no idea what to do with DD when she cries. I asked him to watch her while I went for a shower, got out and heard her screaming and he was laying in bed looking completely shocked. I think some guys just don't know what to do even if you tell them.
Sent from my talky stick
+ Reply to Thread
Results 11 to 20 of 24
09-08-2013 13:34 #11
09-08-2013 13:37 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
this is just a thought to encourage your DH to have more time with your DS and to give you a 'break'.....Could he do bath duty of an evening? sort of like, thats 'his thing' to do. Let him work out a little routine that he's comfortable with and that works for the 3 of you. That way he is in control of something and it may boost his confidence if he has made the routine up himself. I found when i was BF, DH felt a little useless when DS would grizzle, like there was no back up for him to use when boob was not around. I also felt like i had to do everything. I think your DH needs to re-connect with your DS in his own way.
This may be an idea...my DH does most of the night routine when he gets home from work everynight with both my kids. He loves being hands on, he has a play with them after i have fed them dinner then starts baths ect. He likes "taking charge", giving me time to tidy up, prep dinner or just sit down lol.
this is our night routine
5pm Kids eat dinner
5.30/6pm DH home and has boistrous playtime with kids!!
6.15 he gives them both a bath/top to toe wash by himself, i asked if i should help out but he said he had worked it all out. and so he did!
6.30 hands DS to me for feed while he finishes with DD's bath/pjs ect.
6.45 DH reads some books with them both
7pm DH puts them to bed. i say goodnight and let him do it!
Im just sharing my night routine that my DH does so it can give you some ideas as to how you can get your DH more involved so your time can be free'd up of an evening, allowing you to go out at night with no worrying or coming home to chaos. I think if he is able to do some things his way, he will feel alot more confident about being alone with ds. Maybe have a sit and a talk over some wine this weekend.
Last edited by B00ts; 09-08-2013 at 13:40.
The Following User Says Thank You to B00ts For This Useful Post:
09-08-2013 16:18 #13
Thanks so much for your responses. It helps to have my feelings validated and now I feel like I can have a conversation about it...
09-08-2013 16:57 #14
If you hired a babysitter, and came home to the same situation, how would you feel then?
Im sorry OP but surely your partner can feed his hungry child and cope without you for an hour.
09-08-2013 17:04 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
I would be pretty furious with hubby if he did that, but mine definitely knows better so it wouldn't be accidental. Thankfully I don't think he would but if he did we would be having words for sure. I don't think you are overreacting at all.
09-08-2013 17:37 #16
I can't tell you how many times I've snarled at DH "if he's crying PICK HIM UP!" I think you need to have a calm conversation, careful to not make him feel incompetent but that it's important to you that if he's crying pick him up. Keep it simple - don't go into feeding or routines but maybe explain about cortisone when crying is offset by oxytocin released when cuddling.
09-08-2013 18:58 #17
09-08-2013 19:28 #18
Definitely have the conversation about what should happen in those situations do that the expectation is very clear. We can't assume our DH's get stuff!
And don't let it stop you going out! You need your Mummy time!
09-08-2013 20:25 #19
I will try and talk to him. I already feel tense because he will get defensive and then make snarky comments about me being controlling or over emotional. I know he finds it hard, which is why I hardly go out and if I do I try and take DS as well, and I want to be supportive of his anxiety/low confidence, but, you know...it's a tiny baby we're responsible for here.
Thanks again for the support and the feedback.
09-08-2013 21:01 #20
Msharvey our guys sound very similar. It's hard to communicate when they start off defensively, even when you try your best to approach the topic nicely.
Something similar happened to me when my ds was Only a few months old. I came home from the gym, which was my only 'me' activity, and ds was crying in his cot. Dh wasn't doing anything about it because we always let him grizzle a bit before going to sleep to teach him to self settle. But dh had let it go too far so I walked in to distressed cries. It broke my heart and I didn't trust dh anymore so I gave up my gym membership. It took a long time for me to trust dh alone with our son again. Eventually we worked it out by doing as the others have suggested and allowing him to become part of the daily evening routine. The extra time together really helped my husband understand what ds needs and strengthened their bond.
I hope your discussion goes well and in the mean time keep enjoying your choir meetings, I really regret cancelling the gym! Xx
Heinz Baby BasicsOur BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our ...
LATESTWhy it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?7 ways to break the ‘mumnotony’ at home
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
IVF babies due Sep/Oct/Nov 2017pregnancy and babies through IVF
Pregnancy test recall!!!Conception & Fertility General Chat
IUI - first time fertility treatmentNon-IVF fertility assistance
IVF babies due June/July/August 2017pregnancy and babies through IVF
Lite & Easy ???Second Trimester Chat
A - Z of baby girl namesGames & fun stuff
Happiness thread.General Chat
A - Z of Baby Boy NamesGames & fun stuff