I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we have two DD's. He is an awesome father and loves our girls. He actually makes parenthood look so... EASY. Which really gets to me because I struggled with motherhood from the start (anxious about doing everything 'right' ect). My bf is not a big conversationalist, but lately it is really getting to me that he just does not seem to care at all about what I have to say or how I feel. He just seems completely indifferent. When I try to initiate a conversation, he just continues watching television or lets the conversation die with simple answers and zero questions from his side. He is an excellent father and provider but just such a horrible partner. Is it selfish of me to want to him to show ME some interest? He doesn't often ask how my day was (though he asks the girls without fail) but he professes that he doesn't do 'small talk' so basically I feel that I am boring him when I try to talk to him even in general conversation. The thing that really, really is playing on my mind lately is the fact that he probably isn't interested in me anymore and that our relationship is likely headed for the rocks but I want him to VERBALISE these feelings. I don't want to keep playing 'happy families' if this is how it is going to be. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense. But long story short - shouldn't your partner be interested in your thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams etc? Especially if you intend to be part of each others lives?
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02-08-2013 21:44 #1Member
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- Aug 2010
never alone but lonely....
02-08-2013 21:51 #2
I know exactly how u feel. My dp is so similar down to the whole not liking small talk thing. He is a really great guy just lacking on the emotional level that I'm after. I want conversation and attention and it's like getting blood from a stone. I think we'd really benefit from some counseling I just need to talk him into it. Sending you big hugs an assurance your not alone in feeling this way, I guess it's up to you whether u feel the relationship has what it takes to work x
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02-08-2013 22:43 #3
Op my dh and I don't really talk all that much either . While I believe he does love me and the kids sometimes I feel he doesn't show much interest in what we do either but I do believe that it is his personality.
Just a suggestion , do you and your bf have a common interest or hobby that you can do together? This could help bring you closer and start talking more. My dh and I don't have a whole lot in common but it's nice when we both find a tv show we both like and can enjoy watching and talking about it together. We also both like cooking. I hope things work out for you.
07-08-2013 09:28 #4Senior Member
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- Aug 2013
I think i am like your partner towards my DH.
My day is so consuming being home day in day out with my 2 young babies. Call it selfish but when dh comes home i just want to go and have 10mins to myself. I dont want to talk about our days as soon as he walks in the door. He just wants to play with the kids. So i go and have a shower.
Our eveninings are full on with two demanding kids, getting dinner on the table, getting the kids off to bed. There is no time for small talk.
After the kids are in bed, im exhausetd and DH usually does work at home while watchng tv with me. I like being a zombie at night, it's my down time. We'll briefly have a chat about our days, but majority is about my day, i cant really relate to DH and what he does at work. He tells me stuff but honestly it doesnt intrest me. A bit Like football - i couldnt care less because i dont even know how it's played.
DH does ask my opinion on important stuff like going for promotional positions/changing workplaces/dealing with someone he doesnt get along with at work. That stuff i can help him with. The other stuff i just have no idea or experience with and DH gets that.
We make time on weekends where we go out as a family, swimming, shopping, parks, out for lunch. I find this helps up to re-connect without it feeling forced.
07-08-2013 17:11 #5
I am the total opposite. I am the non talker but I do make the effort to communicate with my DP. Try writing him a letter about how you feel. He can read it at his leisure but make sure you put something in there about coming to discuss it with you within a certain time frame. Verbal communication isn't the only way to start a conversation.
09-08-2013 07:29 #6
OP have you read "the five languages of love"? Google a quiz for it, and see if he is perhaps using a different "love language"to you. My dh is very similar, he doesn't do small talk, he's actually a bit anti-social in that way, but he shows his love for me in other
09-08-2013 09:39 #7
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