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  1. #1
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    Apr 2009
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    Default 3.5yo DD agressive and emotional :-(

    Our beautiful DD1 is 3.5 in August. Now apart from the 'normal' age appropriate behaviours and issues, which I'm more than happy to deal and cope with, we have noticed that over the last couple of weeks she has become increasingly aggressive and emotional... Last week she started biting her little sister (2 in August), pinching and hitting her. She has also been scratching her sister on the face for some time (however, although not making it okay, her little sister does provoke her and then some)!

    On Friday, she bit her sister 5 times! I am heartbroken! DD1 and I then went away for the weekend, (planned for weeks) so they did have some space from each other - however she was very emotional whilst away. Today, has been better, but DD2 has been bitten twice, like big bites, that have left bruises... she has also been pinching and lashing out (hitting me) and scratching when I am trying to discipline her or when she doesn't want me to talk to her. When DH got home from work on Friday, he actually had quite a chat with her and it came out that what is making her so angry is her little sister (DD2). She told DH that "GG" takes her toys and stuff and runs away with it and that she won't give it back and that she does it all the time daddy and it makes her angry. :-( DH explained that it is okay to feel angry, because GG and mummy and daddy also get angry from time to time, but that she must not hurt her sister and she must come and tell mummy or daddy, when she is feeling upset/angry at her sister.

    Now DD2 is CONFIDENT, not afraid of anything and she is a sh*t stirrer! We know that. Whereas DD1 is quite timid and shy (and always has been)... and they CLASH!

    Now obviously, this has been stressing me out a lot (I unfortunately am taking this behaviour personally), and I haven't exactly been dealing with it in the best way, as I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Just like DD1, DH and I are still learning too! I am desperate, I am at a loss of what to do... discipline methods tried have been smacking, time out and just giving her a hug, all of which are currently not effective (even if we are consistent). DH and I are currently talking through strategies and methods in which we can be gentle, but firm at the same time, and actually get through to her that what she is doing is very hurtful and is making us all sad. I am literally in tears over the way my two beautiful girls treat each other, and see it as a reflection of my parenting.

    She is also having some huge over the top melt downs over the simplest things, argh!!!

    DH and I have also discussed both of us going to a counsellor to see if we can gain any tools/strategies for dealing with the behaviour better.

    I'm sorry this is so long and all over the place, I'm just so sad for her. I hope I have given enough information and my question is this:

    Is this behaviour normal for her age, or is there something else going on?

    Also, we are booked in to see a Paed. in early August for some other issues, so of course will be putting all of the above to him as well.

    If you've read this far, thank you and any advice/experience is greatly needed and appreciated. Please be kind!

    A. xx
    Last edited by babylove81; 29-07-2013 at 21:47.

  2. #2
    heeeeerekittykitty's Avatar
    heeeeerekittykitty is offline My babies, my cats ....ahhhh , bliss !!!
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Oh babylove :-( I have no advice but just wanted to offer support in the way of telling you that your such an amazing mum, please please don't doubt that and think that this is a reflection of your parenting.

    I hope you get some great advice and help from this thread but if I was in your situation I would be doing EXACTLY what you have discussed , I would be seeing our peadeatrician and also a couple of sessions with a child psychologist for advice , strategies and to see what they thought was the best course of action . All the best and good luck this must be so heartbreaking and stressful. Xxoo

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    babylove81  (29-07-2013)

  4. #3
    Join Date
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    **Big hugs**
    My Ds1 is almost 4 and Ds2 is almost 18m
    Ds1 is always pushing/hitting Ds2 for going near something he shouldn't (toys, DVD's...)
    It's so hard as Ds1 is just so impulsive.
    I'm considering a patenting course. If you go to Relationships Australia website they offer one.
    We've tried similar things to you. They just don't work in the long term :-(
    I've even yelled and felt terrible afterwards.

    I think teaching your dd1 to use words might help (if not already doing so)

    Talk about feelings (biting hurts, makes GG sad/cry).
    Tell Dd1 to ask you to remove dd2 from her toys (because my ds2 is 18m, he touches everything, so now ds1 says "mummy, move A, he is touching the DVD's")

    Kinder is really helping ds1 a lot too.
    Last edited by 2BlueBirds; 29-07-2013 at 21:30.

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    babylove81  (29-07-2013)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Oh, I yell too! A LOT... :-(

    DD1 goes to daycare 2 days a week, and DD2 1 day. DD2 is on the waiting list for a second day, so I can have one home on their own one day and then both at daycare on the same day.

    I'm hoping the "space" and some tome alone might help how DD1 is feeling.

    And I also know, that I need to remove myself "emotionally", but I'm finding that SO hard.

    DD1 is very good with her words and communicates well, and we do tell her that being unkind and biting hurts a lot, and its like she just doesn't care; she is a beautiful child, it just seems like she has no empathy towards her sister...

    Thanks ladies!

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    You indicated that your daughter has other health issues that require a paed - could it be that her behaviour is related?
    What are her other issues?
    My son has coeliac disease and, prior to diagnosis, his behaviour was horrid. He attacked his sister constantly. He attacked us for absolutely no reason. He growled and screamed at us completely out of the blue. He was miserable, angry and aggressive. It was quite disturbing and difficult to tolerate.
    Since he was diagnosed, I've looked into other food issues and found that there are other behavioral problems caused by both artificial additives and natural food chemicals even the ones found in healthy food like apples and carrots. There is a handbook published by the RPA hospital that deals with these issues.
    Anyway, first thing would be to see if the health issues are causing or related to the behavioral issues. Perhaps, if you think it is plausible, you could get her tested for coeliac.

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    babylove81  (30-07-2013)


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