I will not be singing it from the rooftops when we get any BFP's mainly due to having a chemical and knowing how painful it is to get a BFP and then lose a BFP. I just couldn't imagine having to tell everyone I was no longer pregnant after I had potentially * sung* it from the rooftops and told the whole world. It was hard enough telling DH and my Mother. In saying that though each to their own and Des has every right to sing it from the roof tops if that is what she wants to do
I wanted to add that I guess you need to consider the varying degrees of TTC as well. Some women already have children and then have to use IVF for other additional children. Some TTC for years naturally and can't afford IVF. Others have IVF once and conceive while many have to have many cycles of IVF and then there is the ladies who NEVER conceive or have ANY children. I am not sure which category your SIL falls into but I think these factors could have influenced her reaction as well as the posibility of if she is currently cycling her emotions might already be heightened by all the hormones.
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30-07-2013 12:46 #31
Last edited by Sharlee32; 30-07-2013 at 12:55. Reason: spelling errors
30-07-2013 12:55 #32
If you wanted to give her time to process it then why didn't you? You can't tell someone you know will be a bit hurt by the news and give them a mere nanosecond to deal and then expect congratulations and celebrations.
I would back off. Don't hassle her for a response. Don't hurry her along in dealing with it, just leave her alone.
30-07-2013 13:14 #33
I'd stop contacting her and give her some space for a bit.
I think it was really considerate of you both to tell her before you told other family.
It seems like she must be in a fairly dark place regarding her fertility issues. For her to say she didn't know whether she should congratulate you or not makes me think she is quite fragile.
I think she'll come around once she has had time to process the news. Maybe she'll even find a way to be happy for you both?
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
30-07-2013 13:16 #34Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
Gosh I'm really surprised that you are surprised?!? I think you do need to back off. We fell pg last year after a long TTC journey and while I absolutely sang it from the rooftops in no way shape or form did I expect anything from my LTTC friends. I gave them a wide berth and let them approach me when they were ready, no hard feelings at all because I had been there too many times and knew that it wasn't about me.
30-07-2013 13:28 #35Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
It's easy to say all that stuff when you're the one not having fertility issues. Of course she's upset about it. She really wants a child and is struggling and probably even facing not being able to have children at all. It's harder to overcome then you think. Just try and remember she is upset because she is having fertility issues and isn't pregnant not because you are pregnant. She would be jealous and having all these feelings that SHE CANT HELP! You need to give her space and let her come to you when SHES READY!
30-07-2013 13:32 #36
Congrats you have all the rights to shout it out!!! I've lost 3 babies, and this year had a baby and just fell pregnancy VERY soon after! My best friend who has been on and off trying for a baby told me her pregnancy will be more special than mine last night. I understand your frustration. Tell the rest of your family if you want too, she will reach out to you when ready. You don't have to hide a miracle
30-07-2013 13:36 #37
I don't think you should have to apologise for being pg, but you said you told her early so she can adjust, but you aren't letting her do that. Just give her some space and she will come around. Guilting her into contacting her brother only days after is a bit insensitive, even if you didn't mean it that way.
Last edited by delirium; 30-07-2013 at 13:39.
30-07-2013 13:37 #38
OP Congrats! I feel like you are getting some pretty harsh responses in here and I 100% believe you and your husband had your sils best interests at heart.
I think just leave it up to her now and make sure you and your hubby enjoy the pregnancy - and if you feel like sharing it now, then its no one elses business but your own.
Congrats again xxx
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30-07-2013 13:50 #39
Congrats, I love hearing of ppl falling preg after TTC long term! Definitely something to celebrate! =)
In regards to your SIL, everyone reacts differently, you can't expect a certain type of response. Just give her the time she needs to deal with it, however long that may be. If you are genuinely concerned about her, then don't be upset/hurt by her reaction. It may take her a very long time so be prepared for that. I'm 5 months and lost someone close to me at the start that hasn't been able to be around me since. I can only sympathise with their situation, not be upset by it.
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30-07-2013 14:09 #40
We are not bloody contacting her, we are not expecting anything from her.....again i thank the people who offered some kind words of support and congratulations on our pregnancy. I don't need to give my past whatever years of infertility information, or the tragic past of my DP to justify being concerned about both my SIL and DP emotional stressors. I am not going to defend myself on here any longer, as the replies don't even seem to be read or if they are it with self regulation that has no bearing on my intent. I am not going to feel guilty or sorry for my BFP, I don't care if I fell pregnant when I sneezed the first time ever or if I had to battle to get here. It is sad that she couldn't offer some communication with her brother, it is sad that she feels the way she does. It is sad that she has decided to block her brother from her life right now. There is nothing I can do to help her because WE ARE NOT CONTACTING HER, HARRASSING HER OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT. We told her, left her 24 hours after she hung up, we called/emailed once to see if she was alright and let her know we were concerned and have not contacted her since.
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