Just give her time. Infertility can make people go to dark places. She will be happy for you eventually, because as you probably know yourself, another pregnancy announcement doesn't mean that you aren't genuinely happy for someone else. It just reminds you of what you are trying so hard (and failing) to achieve yourself.
She will come around if you give her some space. This is a very happy time for you and your partner, so don't let this affect that. It's probably just an extremely hard time for her. It won't last forever, it's probably just going to sting her for awhile.
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26-07-2013 19:14 #21
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30-07-2013 07:21 #22
I agree with others, she's just going to need some time to process everything. She may be embarrassed & didn't want to burst into tears but couldn't help it. It's so hard when you're ttc & feel like everyone in the world is getting pregnant, except for you.
Let her contact you both when she is ready. It may help her to hear about how long you've both been ttc & the Ivf that you both went through. Maybe when she realises it was planned & the trouble you had ttc she may change her perspective.
I'm sure she probably didn't mean to come across the way she did, it may have just been a massive surprise she wasn't expecting. Plus if she's ttc then you don't know if it may have been bad timing or what they have just gone through. I didn't tell some people when I had a miscarriage & after it was like everyone was announcing pregnancies. I probably came across in a bad way but no one knew what we had just been through & I certainly didn't mean to come across that way. I was just trying to deal with my pain the best way I could.
It hope it all works out ok, good luck
30-07-2013 10:35 #23Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
I'm totally going against the grain here!
Congratulations on YOUR pregnancy. You should not feel like you have to hide it from your family so your SIL is comfortable. I understand and empathise with her, I do. However, I feel like you have gotten no support from any posters regarding you coming to the conclusion of your ttc journey. Be proud, celebrate and tell your families. You have given fair warning, you have empathised and you done as much as you can.
You can't feel guilty about your pregnancy, its not healthy. Just because someone else is struggling should not take away from your own happiness.
I feeli like many of these comments are coming from ttc-ers who can empathise greatly with you SIL, but I ask, when the BFP came at the end of your journey, did you want to hide your pregnancy, did you want to feel guilty, did you concern yourself with the hurts of those you cannot help. I bet you wanted to jump up and down and scream you news from the rooftops. I'm not saying be insensitive or rub it in. I'm saying, it is ok that you were hurt by the response, its ok that you feel concern about your DH and its ok to celebrate your little miracle.
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30-07-2013 11:09 #24
WOW thanks JD mumma, I knew this had been upsetting me and sitting in my heart but I just didn't realise how much till I read your post and burst into tears.
30-07-2013 11:12 #25
OP does have every right to be excited about her pregnancy but I also think its reasonable to try and understand that the news is hard for some and to give people space when they need it.
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30-07-2013 11:12 #26
30-07-2013 11:27 #27
No, because she hung up and we have made contact once each with her the day after but she is not returning any calls or messages. It has been 6 days now, as I said we only tried again once each just to let her know we would love to talk to her and we are concerned about her. I will not try again as it is now her time to come to terms with it in her way.
i only know about their TTC issues due to the mother blurting it all to me, which I was also uncomfortable about as I felt it was not nice of her to discuss it with me. But seeing I now knew I didn't want her to be told by someone else or in front of a group or family.
My DP still has not told anyone else, he admitted he was busting to tell his uncle a few days ago but decided against it. He shouldn't have to feel like that, we should be able to celebrate but I know he is still concerned about his sister.
30-07-2013 11:39 #28
I am not saying that the OP should hide her excitement at all. You have done the right thing and told her one on one so she didn't hear it from someone else. Yes you have every right to tell the world and be happy. But to many other posters on here where giving the op an idea on what her sil may be feeling before we knew the op had also been ttc a long time.
If I ever get a bfp I will sing it from the rooftops, but I will also u dear stand how bitter sweet the news will be to some of my friends.
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30-07-2013 11:42 #29
Last edited by Purple Poppy; 30-07-2013 at 11:47.
30-07-2013 11:43 #30
Such a tricky issue! She doesn't know that you know about her issues and she doesn't know about yours--you both must feel pretty lonely with it all.
I do think you did what was right in personally telling her, but it's now out of your hands, you've done what you can. Now just try to enjoy the excitement of the journey and just be open to chat with her when she comes around. I don't think you need to hide it from anyone else if you're ready to tell others, like I said, you've done what you can. Just try not to hold this against her or take it personally when she is ready to talk as her reaction really isn't about you. Like a pp said, because she is so secretive, you don't know if something's happened recently and your news was just really bad timing.
Hoping for very uneventful coming months for you!
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