Yes Sharlee, I don't expect to see much of her anytime soon and I can fully understand as I have hidden away from someone I know who actually had the hide to whinge to me about getting pregnant and how annoying it will be for her, I just sat there blankly listening until I could leave and haven't been in touch with her since.
I guess it is selfish of me to want to know how she is as it just me wanting that assurance, but my heart is breaking for her too. We are not sure if we should tell anyone else as I don't want them discussing it with her and having her feeling even worse, especially if she is face to face and can't 'hang up' so to speak.
i guess I would like to know she is as OK as she can be before we tell anyone else.
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26-07-2013 16:13 #11
26-07-2013 16:24 #12Junior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
Last edited by BeyondHappy; 28-02-2014 at 13:11.
26-07-2013 16:24 #13
I actually have a different opinion on this and I think you have done the right thing. My best friend called me when she found out she was pregnant (we both had been ttc for over a year) but I was so happy for her even though hearing the words were like a stab in the heart. I had a cry after the call but I know what she had been through to get pregnant so even though I was hurting I was genuinely happy for her. So I would have done the same as you. Leave it now, she will call when she is ready. Congratulations and I hope you both can celebrate as enjoy every moment of this amazing time
26-07-2013 16:24 #14
Hi there, I agree with others here. Your messaging has changed slightly as this thread has progressed but I'm going to respond to your opening post which I'm guessing is the most candid.
To be honest, I think yes, it is too much to expect of her to be happy for you both at this stage. You have done the right thing and let her know in advance of others so that she can prepare herself. Beyond that, my personal view is that you and your husband should celebrate and relish your pregnancy as much as you like and should. But in no way should your SIL be expected to share in that celebration. If you both really care about her then give her the space she needs.
Sorry if that's not what you're hoping to hear.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Wishing you all the best for a smooth and wonderful journey xxx
26-07-2013 16:33 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2008
As someone who has suffered years of infertility and other pg announcement let me just say that she will eventfully be happy for you however her emotions atm r most likely so consumed with pain that she is unable to be happy for u until she has processed that pain.
26-07-2013 17:17 #16
Does your SIL know about yours and DH own fertility problems? Of not then perhaps when she is ready to talk then you can explain that you guys had to have IVF so she still has hope that she can get pregnant?
And I think what you've done is the right thing. She is not a friend, she's family and you were trying to make sure she is ok.
Congrats on the pregnancy
26-07-2013 17:30 #17
Thanks BG4, no she is not aware of our fertility issues and the IVF I would like to be able to talk to her about it all eventually and I hope that it does give her hope and strength to keep trying. I am hoping she may consider trying our or another FS rather than accepting one option. But I don't know what the issue is either so hoping it is something a new FS and perspective could assist with.
26-07-2013 18:30 #18
We've been ttc for 2.5 years and in that time, so many people have announced their pregnancies. I've reacted to each one differently. I know it's horrible but I have to admit that when its someone who was also trying for a long time, or had been through ivf, I've taken it so much less harshly. I think because I feel for them and I know they truly understand how hard it can be at times. If I were her, I would have preferred a conversation along the lines of 'we wanted to tell you first because we know you've been trying and we understand that it's hard because we've also been trying for 2 years and this is a result of ivf'..I understand that maybe you don't want to share that with anyone but it may be a little easier for her to handle if she's aware it didn't just come easily to you. I know if shouldn't matter and I hate myself somedays for my horrible jealous thoughts but I guess it's hard to switch off your feelings on this rollercoasrer.
Is there any way you could call her and arrange to have a chat and let her know that you do understand how she's feeling?
Congratulations to you and your hubby by the way.
26-07-2013 18:38 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2010
Having suffered infertility and having IVF multiple times I always felt a pang of jealousy when someone announced they were pregnant but I was always happy for them too. I would have thought it worse if people couldn't tell me their good news because they were worried about my reaction. I don't like hearing stories about unwanted babies but ones that people try for and want then I have nothing but happiness in my heart for them. I'm sorry that you guys have had such a reaction I hope it doesn't stop you from sharing the news with others, this is exciting fabulous news that deserves to be shared. You did the right thing by telling her, now just give her time to accept and move forward- this child will make her an aunty- such a wonderful important job. Congrats and best of luck with your pregnancy
26-07-2013 18:44 #20
We talked about it and though face to face would have been nice, we thought maybe on the phone she had the chance to hang up or the chance to not be seen and the time to be at home and not trapped somewhere. It would appear that she did need that, DP isn't the best at leading into things and he wanted to tell her the uncomfortable parts after the good news but he didn't get the chance.
It has been two days and we are concerned about her is all.
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