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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Bayswater North Vic
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Upset with inlaws...

    I've posted before that my MIL gave me a lot of grief about not seeing DD enough. They live about a 3 hour drive from us and we were always the ones going to them (even though DD hated the car and screamed the whole trip there) they have come to us only 4 times in her 2 years of life. One trip being after her birth & another for her first birthday party for a few hours.
    We were going up there monthly and staying entire weekends. Sometimes more, sometimes less depending on DH work schedule. And Christmas has always been up there too.

    I ended up setting MIL up with Facebook so she can see pics of DD as she had a go at me one day.
    it worked well & she's been ok with me since. But I'm still hurt with the way she was nasty to me.

    Anyway this all went down within the first year of DD's life. Then I got pregnant with baby 2 & they then tell us the are moving interstate. And will fly us up for visits. I'm a bit nervous about flying with the 2 kids...but will deal with it when it comes.

    What annoys me though, is that I got given so much grief and made to feel awful by her and her claims of not seeing DD enough - and within the past year they have moved even further, missed DD's 2nd birthday party due to being interstate & have not seen her in months and SIL (who is sadly having issues getting UTD) makes comments to DH like "mum and dad can't just do what you say, it's not like she even knows its her birthday" when DH simply asked them if they thought they could make the party. SIL didn't make any effort to do/say anything for DD on her birthday. Not even a text.
    I received a Facebook MSG from MIL and they put $50 on our account so we can get her a gift from them.

    The birth of bub2 is also something they were on my back about when they were in the process of moving. They were telling me to call the moment I get a contraction & they would fly down to watch DD for us while we go to the hospital. I was feeling pretty uneasy about this as its hard to plan, but they and DH kept insisting it would be fine. I didn't want to offend MIL again so I agreed.

    Well now they have just conformed (after sounding flaky on the phone in the last few weeks) that they aren't coming for the birth.
    They reckon they will be down in 2 weeks (regardless of weather I've had the baby or not) but thats just to tie up some loose ends with their house before settlement and then staying the night here.

    After being so upset and feeling guilty about her I now feel this is a huge slap in the face.
    I just hope they never ever try and suggest again that they don't see their grand kids enough.

    DH & I
    DD 2 years old
    Lola kitty
    & DS due end of July 2013!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    You know what, you are probably better off with them being further away. Then you don't need to visit as much and it will be less stressful for you. I know it will be sad with the kids missing out but at least they won't get let down all the time.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Reading your post made me think of that dating book "he's just not that into you." Sounds like your inlaws are wrapped up in their own lives and are just the type of people who just don't live through their kids.

    If it were me I would lower my expectations so as to not be disappointed. And focus on your kids and surrounding them with people that adore them.

    My MIL is an emotionally detached lady.. Doesn't call or send presents on bubs birthday. She only calls my hubby about twice per year, the rest it's him calling her. She might visit once per year and when she's here she is just as detached. And she's lazy: wants to sit having coffee with DH (her son) the while time. Doesn't pay much attention to her grandson at all. I just endure her once in a blue moon visits and then bit&h to my friends about how she doesn't lift a damn finger for her grandson. And I make sure bub has plenty of Skype time with my parents (also annoying but at least they give a damn).

    If it were me I would be setting the boundaries now. You're not flying with 2 kids until bub is XYZ old. And once that happens you need to take turns in making the trip.

    Good luck !

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Sending you hugs! I'm not sure my advice will be very useful but I can definitely sympathise as I too have very non-committal in-laws. They are so far from what my family is like, I really struggle to understand them. We rarely hear from them and when I get in touch to check in and share what we have been up to, I don't feel like they are particularly interested. I feel like DH & I are 'acquaintances'.

    At the end of the day, you have to manage your own expectations. I cant expect my in-laws to be like my family, or what I would have liked from the parents of my DH. They are their own people at the end of the day. I get upset at their behaviour at times, but just tell myself I shouldn't as I shouldn't have expected anything different from them.

    Funnily enough, I have also experienced the opposite, watching my parents with their daughters in-law. My parents are such keen grandparents but I feel like one of my SIL's resents this. In this case, I think better communication is needed with in-laws. And I will be making sure I communicate openly with mine once bubs is here, if we experience any issues (much more effective than bottling and resenting).

    You will likely see them less now, so consider that a positive! Good luck

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think its rubbish that they expect you to fly with 2 young kids! I would be telling them flat out that you aren't travelling anywhere till bubs is a certain age and that you aren't doing it all the time so if they want to see the kids they have to come to you. So unfair on you and the kids.


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