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  1. #91
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Malon20 View Post
    Ok, so I have progressed a little! He is open to the idea of a joint account (thinks it's a good idea, in fact), but hasn't quite agreed on the whole 'equal sharing' thing. He even suggested last night that when I'm back to earning a similar wage to him, I should back-pay him for all the mortgage contributions I didn't make during maternity leave! Anyway, he's going to speak to his dad for advice, and I'm pretty sure his dad will agree with me, so ....nearly there!
    Say whaaaaaat?! Not to be rude - but that sounds insane.
    You're a family. It's your family home.

    Quote Originally Posted by MinnieMouse81 View Post
    I'd be rethinking my marriage if DH suggested that I back pay mortgage payments or let his Dad decide what was reasonable. Both of these raise alarm bells for me about trust and responsibility
    Amen. Couldn't have said it better

    Since we were married, we have had combined finances. However ever since we first started dating when I was a uni student and DH was working full time, I was funny about wanting to "pay my own way" when he would've just paid for something. I.e dinner out at the pub. Our agreement was that we would pay things in proportion. E.g he would pay for the meal and I'd buy us a round of drinks.

    We are TTC, however our plan for finances is that - starting immediately we will be putting my salary directly into our (joint) car loan, and when thats paid off into a (joint) savings account and start trying to get used to living on one salary which is paid into a joint account - which we should be able to do if we're less frivolous with our spending! We will eventually have a nice little cushion for us to be able to splurge on baby things, and use as a slush fund to fall back on if needed while I'm not working.

    Resolving different approaches to money is often one of the biggest hurdles in any relationship, and I honestly hope this works out for you both.

  2. #92
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    OP, has he been "taken for a ride" by someone in the past (or felt that way)? His attitude sounds like deep-seated $$ issues to me.
    We have separate accounts, I work PT and keep my earnings, minus daycare bills, and DH also pays me a monthly sum to cover his share of child-related exps and groceries as he doesnt have the day-to-day knowledge of what's needed. He pays all major bills (car, mortgage, utilities, but I pay the landline, plus child-related stuff and my prof exps for work.) If one of us is short, there is the understanding the other will help or will get stuff that isnt on their "list". If Dh asked me for back pay on the mortgage I would be pretty offended - you ARE contributing, like the others have said, by taking care of bubs. This is also how the courts would see it if it came to splitting your assets.

  3. #93
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    my house
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    I have my own account and we have a joint account. My husband has never once spoken about "his money"

    I think it's appalling.

  4. #94
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Tell him to stay home and look after bubs because you are the higher wage earner... but that he still has to pay his share of everything (plus childcare costs if he 'decides' he 'wants' to work)...

    No offence... but he doesn't sound like he's living in reality at all...

    And once baby is born- who's money is going to pay for nappies? baby food? school fees? clothes? book club? tuckshop? excursions? music lessons? sporting clubs?...

    A family is a family and children should be able to grow up seeing that a household works together to maintain stability.

    Will he pay you childcare costs during the day? And is he offering to take on half of all night shifts with baby?

    I would be absolutely super peeved if my husband had that attitude.

    That, IMO, is NOT the way a husband and father who wants to see his family prosper and be happy behaves. it is almost obvious that he does not value parenting as an important role at all.

    I am sensing very loud warning bells if this is not resolved to satisfaction of you.

    I cannot believe that someone who says they love you, would put you into a position of not having any financial freedom due to costs and then create a situation which would cause resentment and bitterness in the person they say they love... the person who is the one making the bigger sacrifice!

    In our house we have always had a joint account. We discuss all costs and we have the same amount of 'pocket money' each. money left over each week after all essential costs are covered- well then we use it for something we both enjoy or put it into savings for something a bit bigger.

    Good luck with this situation.

  5. #95
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Sorry but your partner sounds like a complete moron. He wants you to pay him back for missed mortgage payments? Ok, so is he going to pay you to care for his child? Come on, he has to be joking, surely?

    DF and I don't have a joint bank account, mainly for "can't be bothered" reasons. Instead, I have secondary cards for his accounts and I use those to buy groceries, pay medical expenses etc. I stay home and look after our son and he takes care of the finances. I'd be appalled if he expected me to back pay him for taking care of us while I was pregnant/caring for our baby and honestly I'd probably be questioning even staying in the relationship.

    Our son is the responsibility of both of us. He takes care of our family financially and I take care of the bub and the house...


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