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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    that said...i will be taken care of/take care of myself no matter what and I will ensure my kids are OK. It might sound stupid but i am damn tough and I will not fold...not then, not now and not ever.
    Not stupid at all, very admirable and true

    I feel the same and constantly receive praise from those close to me about how strong I've been through my experience. Every week seems to deliver a new ridiculous part to my saga, as exDH has continued making some very bad decisions in his new life. But I will NOT let him break me. My boys one day will understand and hopefully be very proud.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    I think it also depends if you have had a career/solid employment before you had children. If you knew that you could go back to work and be Independent then that makes a difference. I agree no relationship is iron clad even though some seen that way. I don't ever think my partner would cheat, but you really never know.

    I know if it all went to hell in a handbasket I would be ok because I have a good job to go back to and I'd make it work. If you've had kids younger and not really had a stable career and would find it hard to get a flexible job, then that's when it would be a lot more difficult.

    Personally my mother always told me, have your own career so then you have choices and never have to rely on a man and that's what I've done. Now im on mat leave my salary is only half so i do rely on my dp more financially which is fine. ive still got a back up if i ever needed it. It's not black and white though and hopefully most people don't have to find out what would happen if their partner left.
    Yes, completely agree with this and how it is for me also. I have something to fall back on. My parents drummed into me to go to uni and work before kids. That way if the worst happens you have a career to return to.

  3. #23
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    FL, I agree 110%. It is something I think of often, and I have found since becoming a mother I have felt more and more of an obligation to remain skilled and further my career. There are too many unknowns in life and my son's future and wellbeing are too important to play a game of chance with.

    I don't look down on full-time SAHM's at all. It is simply a risk I would never be willing to take myself.

  4. #24
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    I agree with this. I think part of the reason I don't worry too much about it is that I have an established career with good earning potential if I need to work full time. I really felt an urge to get myself back into work partly to get some intellectual stimulation but also for a sense of strong personal security. I feel this is important for the security of dd as well.

  5. #25
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    I think about this occasionally. DH and I had a rough patch after DD was born, becoming parents changed and challenged our relationship a lot more than I thought it would.

    I have a career and currently work 3 days a week making fairly decent money. I would probably add an extra day to make things a bit easier financially. If I worked full time I could earn a very good salary so I'm confident in my ability to support myself and DD if I needed to.

    DH and I have 2 houses so if need be I could move into the smaller one with DD. I'd imagine sorting the property will be a massive PITA though.

    Basically my earning capacity is my safety net and I'm glad I established myself professionally before having kids.

  6. #26
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    Mind you I take my hat off to full time SAHMs. I couldn't do it long term as I just don't have the patience required. I love dd to bits but I also love having a break from mothering at work.

  7. #27
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    I hope it won't happen to me, but I'm under no illusions. DH is on the road a lot with his job. He could have a crash and be seriously injured or die, he could cheat, turn into a pr!ck, who knows.

    We have life and accident or whatever it's called, insurance for both of us and I have access to funds if we were to split. I know my parents would also help me financially if I was in trouble, as would his.

    Child friendly jobs can be scarce where we live, but I would find something, even if it was night fill at Coles. Or I could move as I know my old boss while find a job for me in a heartbeat. He still asks me occasionally!

    So it wouldn't be easy, but the kids and I could survive. Even if he did turn into a w@nker overnight and didn't pay CS.

  8. #28
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    It'd be hard, no doubt. For both of us!!

    If we separated, I'd need to go back to work for sure. I have a degree and a lot of experience in a few different areas so would hope to get a job there, but I'm realistic and know it's a popular area at the moment.

    My back up is childcare, I make a very decent amount as a private nanny so this is an option too.

    We (me and kids) would probably move into the granny flat at my grandparents while we found a new place.

    I have a lot of family support and have no doubt that they would help with childcare if required too.

    Most of our bank accounts are in my name too, so I have a bit of extra security knowing that if It went sour, I'm the one with access to the big savings account etc.

    If dp died she had a life insurance policy which would pay out enough to buy a place, and cover childcare costs/schooling etc for several years without me working. If I died, I have a small policy which would cover childcare for a long time and a deposit on a house. As DP works night shifts and a lot of weekends she would be up ah!t creek trying to find childcare so it is definitely preferable having me home with them.

    But yes, I have thought about it. Dp works in a job where she probably faces a lot more risks than most people do so it would be remiss of us not to consider it.

  9. #29
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    While I'm as confident and secure in our relationship as I can be I do think about the what ifs.

    Number one priority is being a sahm but for now an opportunity to work part time for a few mths has arisen and I took it. If we could afford to live comfortably of dh wage ild happily quit.

    Car is in my name and tbh it has been my family support that set us up. I would like to think divorce would be amicable and kids supported but worse case scenario my family is in position to support me and I am employable in a fairly decent paying job.

    More likely would be one of us die and we have plans for that.

  10. #30
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Mortgage is in joint name and we would sell I think.


 

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