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  1. #11
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    I do think of these things (although I am quite confident of my relationship ).
    My mortgage is easily payable on centrelink or with a low paying job, if I lost the house rent here is also quite cheap.
    It would be difficult but far from impossible. As for just finding a job, it might take a while (that's why living cheaply is important to me, so we could survive until I can get work). I know a few people who would watch the kids, if not there is cc available in town (I'd go on the list while looking for work and hope cc is available in time).
    It's a basic plan, a lot of what ifs, but it would do in a pinch


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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    What if he got into a car accident and suffer a head trauma and/or PTSD, and all of a sudden he wasn't your husband anymore?
    My husband was assaulted and has a traumatic brain injury as a result and had ptsd for a long time. Whilst it obviously isn't so bad we've had to seperate every day is a challenge and he's most certainly not the man I married. As dramatic as it sounds people really do need to consider this as a possibility when considering their financial stability, insurance policies etc. I was 21 when it happened and I sure as hell had never considered something like that would happen to us.

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    Albert01  (13-07-2013)

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    What if he got into a car accident and suffer a head trauma and/or PTSD, and all of a sudden he wasn't your husband anymore? As I said in the other thread, it sounds very Days of Our Lives but I know someone this has happened to.
    I guess my position is you can never be certain of anything.

    I really wish the other thread hadn't been derailed. Because the barbs have started flying- 'you're lazy' 'your kids wish you were at home and your husband wishes he had a cooked meal each night'
    It's so boring. I don't know why we can't get past this childish bickering and have a proper conversation about these things. We all know some people are going to put their put their foot in it immediately, but why retaliate? What will it achieve? Especially retaliating with swipes at working mums, it just inflames the situation.

    Most of that isn't directed at you, del. It just frustrates me.
    Oh I agree, there is never 100% certainty in anything in life. I don't think we will ever break up, I see us at 80 holding each others hand and smooching. But I'm not foolish enough to think that is definite. That's why I have some things in place, which DH knows about.

    I guess what these discussions have brought out for me is the need for a career before kids. Admittedly I won't go back to a 2IC position I had before DD, but I know with 2 bits of paper I can get work anywhere. I've also done an RSA and done some bar work after having kids. So yeah, if DH left or died I know I could support myself. If DH got a brain injury I would return to work. He injured himself on the job not long after DD was born and I went back to work for a year and supported the family.

    As to the direction of the thread - someone said to me in the other thread she didn't understand why I said SAHM's had been copping it lately. But there has been numerous threads the last few weeks and I think many SAHM's are a bit sick of it tbh. I agree with you, live and let live. Me being a SAHM for a bit longer works for us. Other women want or need to work. There is no right or wrong, just what works.
    Last edited by delirium; 13-07-2013 at 21:10.

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  6. #14
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    What people need to realize is that it's isn't always about cheating or being abusive. People seem to have a bit of a stereotype into what types of relationships end e.g cheating, abuse etc.
    But over many years people change. People sometimes just want out, they may feel like they haven't lived their lives, they might be going through a mid life crisis, they may have only stayed for the kids, they might fall out of love with their partner etc.
    Of course everyone hopes for the best but at the same time it doesn't hurt to be a little realistic when it comes to your own future.
    There are many women who's whole life focus was the husband and children. They have no support network, little close friends, no skills and no money.
    Its a good idea to have at least 3 months worth of living expenses put away and some sort of support network or skills.
    Personally for me if a guy wanted me to have no money of my own that would be a bit of a warning. And I would expect him to also have some sort of back up.
    Somebody said in another thread that it's about trust but I don't see it that way if someone expected me to account for every dollar I earn to me they are the ones with trust issues.

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    I think I'd work it out.

    When DS was first born my DH had just moved companies and became very stressed and was worrying that he wasn't performing due to sleep deprivation and would lose his job...

    During that time I went through worst case scenarios with him to show him that we'd be ok.

    If worst came to worst;
    - I'd return to full time at my work...wouldn't be an issue they are constantly asking me to do this
    - if we were unable to pay mortgage and bills etc then we'd move in with my parents and rent our place out/sell...

    Then in time we'd find a place of our own within the new budget.

    I feel very lucky that I have these support networks around me.
    Last edited by giggle berry; 13-07-2013 at 21:38.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think maybe you can think both? After almost 2 decades our marriage is rock solid, and I know he'd never cheat on me. I've been called naive before but I'm ok with being told that. We are soul mates and quite simply, I know he never would do it.
    .
    Delirium, I mean this with the greatest of respect as I admire many of your posts. But....you can't honestly say with 100% certainty your DH would never cheat. Think it? Sure, but that's it. It kind of goes against the point of this thread!

    I speak from terrible experience....I too used to say the exact same as your post! I would have bet on my sons life (yes that's right, lucky I didn't) that my exDH would never cheat either (for various reasons). In fact he has done a LOT that no one that knows him ever, ever expected. Yep...I'm one of 'those' people who swore it would never happen to me

    FL, I'm so grateful that I am in fact very financially independent. Splitting from DH does impact me/us absolutely, I'll have to sell the house we are in when I return to work for example. But I can afford to buy something smaller/further out for the boys and I at least, which is better than many others in my situation. I'll also be able to provide a relatively comfortable life for them too alone, which is a huge relief and makes me proud quite frankly.

    ETA - just read your follow up post Delirium...so can kind of disregard above since you do know anything can happen
    Last edited by Pesca77; 13-07-2013 at 21:36.

  10. #17
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    I have no contingency plan in case dh & I break up. I most definitely did have one in my previous relationship, I turned my life upside down to get away from him. So yeah my security with dh is as good as it gets :/ *touches wood*

  11. #18
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    I've been through the worst case scenario...i survived and flourished and know that I could do it again.

    It was hell...my ex had an turned into a man i didn't know...he became abusive and then affair while i was pregnant and then we broke up when DS was 4 months old and I was left with nothing.

    Some days i don't know how i got through but i did...i went to my parents and then went through all the ****e to get myself back on my feet...i fought my battles with ex and made sure to get what i could for DS and I.

    It was hard to trust again and I do love my now DH so much and admit I would be crushed (again) if he cheated on me. Worst of all, i just don't know how i would go on if he died...and considering i used to wish my ex dead...i worry about karma coming and taking the man i truly love...

    that said...i will be taken care of/take care of myself no matter what and I will ensure my kids are OK. It might sound stupid but i am damn tough and I will not fold...not then, not now and not ever.

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  13. #19
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    I think it also depends if you have had a career/solid employment before you had children. If you knew that you could go back to work and be Independent then that makes a difference. I agree no relationship is iron clad even though some seen that way. I don't ever think my partner would cheat, but you really never know.

    I know if it all went to hell in a handbasket I would be ok because I have a good job to go back to and I'd make it work. If you've had kids younger and not really had a stable career and would find it hard to get a flexible job, then that's when it would be a lot more difficult.

    Personally my mother always told me, have your own career so then you have choices and never have to rely on a man and that's what I've done. Now im on mat leave my salary is only half so i do rely on my dp more financially which is fine. ive still got a back up if i ever needed it. It's not black and white though and hopefully most people don't have to find out what would happen if their partner left.

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    For me, I trust DF. I don't think he'd ever leave me, but we could separate in the future. I'm willing to bet my future on it and take the consequences if I'm wrong.

    But I'm not willing to bet my kids futures. It's not mine to play with. Df and I have discussed the what ifs and agreed. Despite how we feel about each other, we won't put our relationship as a higher priority than being able to support ourselves and our kids if we separate.
    Last edited by Jennaisme; 13-07-2013 at 22:08.


 

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