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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    How can it not equate to that? If you feel you NEED a back up plan then aren't you in effect saying "I'm not convinced my marriage will last so I better have a back up plan just in case it fails?"

    I'm not in judgement of anyone that feels they need a back up plan, but I agree with Wine Time 150%.

    Different if you have a back up plan in case your spouse dies. That is inevitable.
    I think of my parents, they were married for 24 years, together for 26, neither of them regret their marriage, neither of them regret their divorce. They've been separated now for nearly 15 years and my dad has been re partnered for a decade and recently remarried and my parents are still "friends", they still care for each other, they just went on different paths with their lives.

    So I know I don't know with absolute certainty, no matter how much I love my partner and believe he loves me, and how happy and connected we are, it's not something I dwell on, but I don't think it's impossible that one of us could ever want to leave.

    I've dwell more on statistically women live longer than men and my df is older than me, it scares me a little to think I'll be an old lady alone without him one day. That thought worries me more than him walking out. So yeah I am a bit of a Debbie downer at 25 worrying about dying alone if old age. Lol.

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  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Do you all wear seatbelts? Even though you are careful, responsible drivers? You're probably more likely to have your marriage break up than get in a serious accident.
    I wear a seatbelt but not because I worry ill get into an accident. I wear a seatbelt because its the law.

    I guess everyone has different life experiences and someone who's been burned already will be more inclined to tread with trepidation as opposed to someone who hasn't been burned and goes head first. I understand that it's possible my marriage will end but also think its not likely. Call me naive but I'm happy to think that way

  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    Big Red, yes! That is exactly it, it isn't being doom and gloom and wandering around thinking "the end is nigh". It is just the same as having a Will. Making a Will isn't being doom and gloom, it is just something you do in case the worst happens. How is that any different?
    See I still don't see how it can be the same. A will is necessary as death is inevitable. The end of a marriage isn't inevitable. Probable, but not inevitable. I still don't understand why they're in the same pool ..
    Last edited by FirstTimeMummy2012; 16-07-2013 at 18:36.

  4. #104
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    You just said it though "probable", even if it isn't probably, it is a very high rate and for some that just can't be ignored. It probably comes from your own experiences in your life as well, the things you've seen etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    See I still don't see how it can be the same. A will is necessary as death is inevitable. The end of a marriage isn't inevitable. Probable, but not inevitable. I still don't understand why they're in the same pool ..

  5. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    You just said it though "probable", even if it isn't probably, it is a very high rate and for some that just can't be ignored. It probably comes from your own experiences in your life as well, the things you've seen etc.
    I say probable because I don't want to seem delusional either. You're right though. I've seen my parents go to hell and back in their marriage but they continue to stick it out. I think it does come down to your life experiences and what you see in your own world

  6. #106
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    How can it not equate to that? If you feel you NEED a back up plan then aren't you in effect saying "I'm not convinced my marriage will last so I better have a back up plan just in case it fails?"
    I think that by having a back up plan you are just having a safety net for one of the many possibilities in life. The feeling that we have that lead us to spend our life with someone else are very strong but sometimes it is wholly appropriate to be dispassionate and be practical. You don't have to mistrust your partner, or even lack faith in the strenght of your relationship, but just recognise it is ok to be sure that you will both be ok financially if you are not together.

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  8. #107
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    I haven't read beyond page one of this, but reading the first post, my first thought was this. If people are saying they know their partner would never cheat, are they saying the people who have a cheating partner should have known better? Because that's what I always think when people say that. It comes out quite mean.

  9. #108
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    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I don't understand how people equate having a back up plan as "waiting for the inevitable end".
    I guess we see it differently then. I don't have a back up plan - its simple as that. IF dh and I were to break up then I would go from there - I work, I do all our finances, I would survive. And unless dh suddenly lost his job he would 100% support the girls - not me - the girls. I KNOW that he would NOT walk away from them - and yes I KNOW that. So yeah, I DO see having a back up plan as kinda 'waiting for it to fail'. *I* that's how *I* feel, doesn't mean anyone has to agree with me.

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  11. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by Secret of Cleo View Post
    I haven't read beyond page one of this, but reading the first post, my first thought was this. If people are saying they know their partner would never cheat, are they saying the people who have a cheating partner should have known better? Because that's what I always think when people say that. It comes out quite mean.

    I don't get this.

    People who say "I know my dh/dw won't cheat" aren't talking about anyone else or their relationships. They are talking about themselves and their partner.

    I know my partner is very unlikely to cheat. I know things about him (his personalty, his past, his beliefs and so much more that I am not prepared to say on a public forum). This has no bearing on anyone else relationship or what I think about them.

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  13. #110
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    My dad was the most amazing dad. And then my parents split and he was devastated, heartbroken. He pretty much divorced his two children as well as his wife. He quit his well paying job to me a miserable dad sack and left my mum with no support for their two girls.
    My dad idolised my mum and his children and no one would ever have imagined he'd have no part in our lives.

    You never know what will happen. You can't know how someone else will react in such a high pressure, high emotion situation.


    Totally in love with our two beautiful little girls.
    Feb 2011 and May 2013

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