ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 12 12311 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 113
  1. #1
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    10,729
    Thanks
    2,500
    Thanked
    9,128
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts

    Default Spin off: it won't happen to you?

    It always intrigues me when people say either: my relationship is rock solid, he would never cheat on me, etc
    OR I don't think about what might happen if we split up.

    For me, in regards to my relationship, I think we have a better chance than many. We communicate well and have overcome some pretty big hurdles. But I don't for a second think that it's certain we'll be together for the next 50+ years. People change, circumstances change. In all sorts of ways. You see it on Bubhub every week- 'I never thought it would happen to me'. Why don't people think it could happen to them, when there is a high probability that it will? (I'm talking divorce rates)

    As for the second part, I find it astounding that people don't think about the 'what ifs' and don't have a plan if the worst was to happen. I do work and I would seriously struggle if DP left. I would have to go back to work full time, and I wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage on the place we're in now. I could barely afford a decent rental anywhere near where we are now. And I have a decently paid job. I would rely on him helping a lot more than CS payments, or I would need my parents to help. I would certainly be relying on parents for a hell of a lot of child care.

    I feel like the sahm thread has been a bit derailed, but for those who say 'i'd just get a job', do you really think it would be that easy? What sort of work? Where would you live? Who would watch the kids? What would happen if you couldn't find work?
    I think about this stuff all the time, I don't think I'm a Debbie Downer, I think I'm doing all I can to ensure my kids always have the best upbringing I can possibly give them.

  2. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to FearlessLeader For This Useful Post:

    Barnaby  (13-07-2013),btmacxxx  (14-07-2013),HugsBunny  (13-07-2013),Pesca77  (13-07-2013),Stiflers Mom  (13-07-2013),~BEXTER~  (13-07-2013),~ElectricPink~  (14-07-2013)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    1,803
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked
    385
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I also think about this occasionally even though DH and I are happy.
    I know that I would have to go back to work full time and put dd in Childcare full time. I could manage financially though as my mortgage is not too high or I would get a reasonable rental similar to my mortgage repayments. My biggest worry is all the medical appointments that I take dd to. I would struggle to get to all of those.
    It's not negative thinking like this - thinking about it isn't going to make it happen. Fingers crossed it doesn't actually happen to us but I know from my past, the unexpected can certainly happen!

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    23,384
    Thanks
    6,431
    Thanked
    17,983
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I think maybe you can think both? After almost 2 decades our marriage is rock solid, and I know he'd never cheat on me. I've been called naive before but I'm ok with being told that. We are soul mates and quite simply, I know he never would do it.

    But yes, I do consider what I may do if DH left, or died. So I doubt we will ever break up, but I have thoughts about the what ifs.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    VicPark  (14-07-2013)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,529
    Thanks
    377
    Thanked
    1,526
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    DH and I have quite a few issues, I have thought very seriously what would happen if we split up because we very well might. We've only been married 3 years, there's a lot of years to go.

    I have a public service job and I'm on maternity leave now but it is flexible so I could work full time if I needed to. We'd have to sell the house, I would have to rent and put the kids in childcare. I would go from being comfortable financially to being very stressed.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to duckduckgoose For This Useful Post:

    PorkyPies  (14-07-2013)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    5,005
    Thanks
    1,052
    Thanked
    3,525
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I find it astounding how many people (mainly women) who have never thought about or, if they have, still don't think it's important to sort this stuff out.

    I think having something like an "escape fund" is OTT but life insurance, super, being employable... These are all things that are really important.

    I do think that most people could get a job if they needed to. But if someone hasn't worked in a long time and doesn't have qualifications, etc, the type of work they could get is unlikely to be able to pay all the bills, and suit them in terms of hours, etc if kids are involved.

    Which is why the other "morbid" stuff is so important.

    I don't think me and my DH will ever split up, but tehnically it could happen. And what if the unthinkable happened and he was no longer here? I certainly would not want to, or be able to, rely on family to give me money or a free home.

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    1,779
    Thanks
    327
    Thanked
    940
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Having practised in the area of family law for over 10 years I have no hint of rose coloured glasses about the potential for every relationship, including my own, to end.

    I have no reason to believe that my husband would cheat, or become abusive or for me to cheat etc but it could happen.

    I would be a millionaire if I had a dollar for every man and woman who came to see me and told me that they thought that their marriage was rock solid and that they thought that their ex would be reasonable about finances and the kids if they split.

    I do not dwell on this possibility in my own relationship though. I still believe that people commit with the intention of it being forever (and this is one reason why I would never sign a pre nup) but I do believe it is naive to not think of the possibility that things may fail and not to have some means of protecting yourself in place.

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    11,272
    Thanks
    3,686
    Thanked
    7,334
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    This is my second marriage so am aware things always don't work out but I suppose I'm lucky in that I have a family that would take me in no problem and I could easily get a job as I've been in the same area and same industry for 22 years and know everybody ( real estate) so it has never crossed my mind to worry , yes it would suck but I could easily get by, the only person that would suffer is DS as I'd have to go back to working long hours to maintain our lifestyle
    My sister became a single mum and lived with me rent free for a year while she got back on her feet and a set up in a new career - 12 months later she's in her own unit and going great

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    23,384
    Thanks
    6,431
    Thanked
    17,983
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I'll also add every lease we sign is in my name, as is the car ownership. That way if we break up I at least have the power to ask him to leave and I have transport with children. DH is totally fine with this.

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    15,262
    Thanks
    628
    Thanked
    1,179
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 26/3/15100 Posts in a week
    The "what if" scenarios are constantly on my mind at the moment but they're slightly different to most. DH has had more complications with his condition which saw him lose the ability to walk unaided for about a week. My thoughts turned to "what happens when he is wheelchair bound?". The pain he experienced in this time has barely subsided which is making even simple tasks very difficult for him and when he started to express just how much the situation was getting him down those thoughts turned to "what happens if he does take his own life?" which is a horribly scaring thing to have to take into account.

    DH will always get his DSP and there is always funded help out there should we need to access it. If something were to happen to him I know my job will go a fair way to providing what DS and I need each week but it won't help much with the little extras like DS's gymnastics or my once a week bought lunch at work. I know there is after school care at his school which would enable me to work longer hours and I've been having driving lessons to learn to drive the manual when I need to.

    These are only little things so far and I'm always thinking about what else I can do.

    Sent from my GT-N8010 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. #10
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    10,729
    Thanks
    2,500
    Thanked
    9,128
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think maybe you can think both? After almost 2 decades our marriage is rock solid, and I know he'd never cheat on me. I've been called naive before but I'm ok with being told that. We are soul mates and quite simply, I know he never would do it.

    But yes, I do consider what I may do if DH left, or died. So I doubt we will ever break up, but I have thoughts about the what ifs.
    What if he got into a car accident and suffer a head trauma and/or PTSD, and all of a sudden he wasn't your husband anymore? As I said in the other thread, it sounds very Days of Our Lives but I know someone this has happened to.
    I guess my position is you can never be certain of anything.

    I really wish the other thread hadn't been derailed. Because the barbs have started flying- 'you're lazy' 'your kids wish you were at home and your husband wishes he had a cooked meal each night'
    It's so boring. I don't know why we can't get past this childish bickering and have a proper conversation about these things. We all know some people are going to put their put their foot in it immediately, but why retaliate? What will it achieve? Especially retaliating with swipes at working mums, it just inflames the situation.

    Most of that isn't directed at you, del. It just frustrates me.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 82
    Last Post: 03-05-2013, 19:20
  2. Replies: 53
    Last Post: 01-01-2013, 21:41
  3. Spin off of a spin off, what discipline methods do you use?
    By headoverfeet in forum Parents with large families
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 02-11-2012, 13:46

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Smallprint Fingerprint JewellerySmallprint handcraft sterling silver keepsake jewellery that capture loved one's fingerprints, hand & foot prints, ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›

ADVERTISEMENT