(I posted this in the pregnancy area as well but realized maybe it should go here...)
So I am 9 weeks pregnant and DH has been offered a promotion in London, ideally having us move sometime in September.
I'm friggin' petrified! We've lived in London before so I do know I like it and I was a nanny there so I know it's fine with babies/young children, we've always said we'd love to go back older and with more money--that it'd be a completely different experience than as broke 22 year olds. So here's our chance!
But I didn't think this opportunity would come right when I found out I was pregnant with our second baby after our daughter was stillborn last year. I'm so worried about this pregnancy and feel so vulnerable, the idea of moving across the world right now and leaving my comfort zone, my doctors, my support group of friends is really stressing me out. We do have friends in London but I'm not super close to them...
I'm really worried about being in a 'new' city far away from everyone, on my own with a newborn. I know DH will be around as much as he can but he already works 12 hour days so I'm sure with a promotion he'll be working more hours or the same, I'll be on my own a lot. I have a history of depression so PND is a real worry to me.
If we don't go then DH will have to find a new job as the rest of his office is moving to Asia and the field he works in doesn't have much opportunity in Melbourne or really Australia. It's his dream job and a few years doing it would set us up to be able to go wherever we'd like to go after.
I have moved like this before. I'm American and I followed DH to London when we first started dating and then moved to Melbourne a couple years later so I know I'm capable of moving overseas and being happy. But I also wasn't pregnant and I also wasn't traumatized from loosing my baby girl...
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to say no and make DH unhappy and jobless. But I'm scared to go and worried how I'll cope.
Has anyone else made a big move while pregnant, starting in a new city with a newborn? Did it work out? Did you cope?
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08-07-2013 16:57 #1
Has anyone made a big move (overseas) while pregnant or with a newborn?
08-07-2013 17:31 #2Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
First off, congrats on the pregnancy and your DH's promotion.
I lived in London on and off for 5 years. My situation was a little different to yours where my exDH was actually British, so he had family there - I didn't. I first moved over when my son was 18 months old, so not quite a newborn! From what I can tell you though it was very hard. It was only hard though because I missed the Australian way of living and I didn't have a lot of support there (and to be honest kind of hated my husband a bit). I got involved in study and that helped some but at the end of the day I never felt like I was home. However, my exDH didn't work and together we didn't work out for various reasons.
I now have another newborn, and if my DF was offered a job overseas (even in London) I would probably jump at it. Only because I am completely committed to him and our family and I would at least want to try and see how it works out. You can always go home if things don't work, right?
Are you close to your family in America? I found the upside of being in the UK, was that it was so much quicker to travel to the US! Maybe that's a positive thing also? (not sure on your situation).
Good luck with whatever you decide. If it were me I would look at it as a fantastic opportunity and just roll with it for now!
08-07-2013 17:41 #3
Thanks Natlie! Part of me does have that attitude, it's a fantastic opportunity career, money and travelwise. We could go back to places we loved in Europe and to places we didn't get a chance to see before.
The situation with my family wouldn't change much, we would probably see them as often as we do now. They're in California so the flight is still 12 hours compared to 15-17 now, so not a huge difference and they would be out of pocket about the same money wise so I doubt I would see them more or less. In a way maybe less because our overseas holidays would have to get divided between OZ or the US whereas right now we just go to the US.
My reservations are just the support and how I'll cope on my own with a newborn. Right now we have friends and family that could help if we asked whereas there we won't.
08-07-2013 17:53 #4Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
Yep, I completely understand needing the support and especially given your history it would be pretty daunting. Would your husband be in the position to maybe hire some help for you?
Also I would start looking into mothers groups etc, and even places where you can move to so you can look beyond being scared and be excited about it IYKWIM? That really helped me when I first moved over. I looked all over the internet, looked at rentals and stuff to do in the area.
As a side note (and I am not saying this will be what happens to you) but even with support here at home, it can be a little lonely at times and the support you think you have kind of fails on you when you need it! I think the key is to find something to keep your mind occupied when you are not dealing with a screaming baby be it reading, watching a tv series on dvd or whatever you do that helps you relax. You will still be able to have that in another country
Sorry if I am not much help! But speak to your partner about it and make sure he is aware of your feelings at the moment also!
08-07-2013 18:01 #5
Thanks Natlie! You are giving great advice! DH definitely knows how I feel, definitely not keeping it to myself! But in general he's an incredibly laid back and optimistic person--he doesn't worry! So although he's trying to be understanding I know he doesn't really get it because in general his approach to life is that everything will be alright---which overall is awesome but annoying when you're genuinely worried!
I have looked into where we'll live, having the experience of living there before and nannying in various areas gives us a leg up in knowing where we'd want to live and narrowing down the search for apartments! .
Thanks for you advice again and being so positive about it all!
09-07-2013 10:23 #6
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