Hi all, just wondering about anyone's experiences having a partner with depression.
My partner hasn't been diagnosed, but seems fairly likely to be suffering from depression. I try my best to be supportive, but he's incredibly unwilling to take any steps that might be of help to him (anything to reduce stress & expectations, or to speak to a professional... even via online chat).
I'm really struggling with this at the moment... no idea where to go from here, or any strategies that might help me to cope as well.
Would love to hear from anyone with experience.
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06-07-2013 17:23 #1
Partners with depression?
06-07-2013 17:26 #2-
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I've been there, he is still depressed, refuses to get help, our relationship is suffering, and I'm just about out the door because I've realised that he just will never be happy, and I can't live like this anymore. I'm obviously not worth it for him to make the effort to get help and try get our relationship in a good place.
06-07-2013 17:46 #3
My dp has depression, though he has gotten much better this year, he still has his down periods. I've always struggled with trying to help him as I don't overly know what to do. He is also the type of guy who won't talk to someone about it (although I am the same too so I understand that). I just try to give him his space but also have my love and support available to him which seems to help a little.
Mostly I'm subbing in hope other members have some ideas and to also let you know you're not alone in not knowing what to do.
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06-07-2013 17:51 #4
This sounds very familiar, both PPs. I'm hanging in there, but only because DH finally agreed to couples counselling and started seeing a (useless) therapist, and because we have a baby,
I have no answers, just support. I know how challenging it is. Seeking help is not something you can force him to do. You can, however, seek help for yourself. I did that, and came home from my first session feeling just amazing - someone was finally listening to me! DH quietly made a GP appointment the next day.
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06-07-2013 17:55 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
It's hard, but not impossible. But depression usually dosent just go away and some professional help will be needed. My dp has depression and it has been hard. You need to give him lots of support which can be hard when they take things out on you. My dp is getting help and things recently have improved a lot. He still has bad days buy I've learnt now to leave him to it and then we talk when he is ready.
I really do advise for your partner to get some help but also look after yourself. Hope this helps
06-07-2013 18:01 #6
Thanks for the replies and support, it's such a difficult situation.
Rarity - I'm so sorry.
mrsharvey - that's a great idea...seeing someone for myself. I'd thought of seeing someone together, but not on my own. Will have to look into that.
06-07-2013 20:07 #7
I definitely recommend seeing someone for yourself. I have done this and its given me a lot of extra confidence and support.
Also dh saw that I was seeing someone and prompted him to go too
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06-07-2013 21:28 #8
My husband has a traumatic brain injury and part of the effects of that is that he suffers depression. He goes through good and bad periods, all I can say really is patience is key. My dh will refuse to seek help for months on end then one day come to me saying he needs it. I definitely recommend seeing someone yourself though. Having a partner with depression is no walk in the park and can be very draining on your emotional state too.
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06-07-2013 22:15 #9
Op I know I have already replied once but had to come back to add- please dont forgrt yourself either. Your mental health and your wellbeing is just as important as his. It is a situation that can be quite draining but remember to think of you too.
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07-07-2013 06:47 #10
Been there- hardest thing we ever had to go through. We talk about it now and agree it is sometimes harder for the partner than the person suffering so huge big hugs xxx
My dh had to choose to be really selfish to get well. He had to get help time and time again (there are terrible doctors and psychs out there- it can take time and effort to find the right one). He had to cut off some people and family members who contributed strongly to his condition. He had to find an outlet that made him happier- in his case kung fu of all things. He religiously attends and the physicality of it and the strictness of the training really helps him out. But mainly it is something he loves and always wanted to do, so even if things are sh1t he can go once or twice a week and feel better.
I also had to be selfish sometimes and tell him when his illness was nearly killing me. I ended up needing to go and have counselling myself to help me deal with him. So you need to surround yourself with as much support as you can, and have somewhere you can vent.
It is so so hard, and I am so sorry the two of you are going through it. Remember he might be the sick one but you are going through it as well.
Hope some of this helps...
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