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  1. #11
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    To be perfectly honest, if it was me I wouldn't go. She hasn't made any attempt to contact you before now and her text is very flippant. I think you sound like you're doing fine without her so why rock the boat.

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    Caviar  (01-07-2013)

  3. #12
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    I'd go, not in the hope that things are going to sort themselves out but just to see how and if she's changed, whether she's flippant or nervous about meeting up.

    Then you can gauge how genuine she is being, and you won't spend more time wondering about whether you should make up.

    2 years ago I would have said not to bother to go, but as my parents get older and I see their hopes for me in the hopes I hold for my kids, I've now changed my position.

    I'm sure you'd hate it if your kids had a falling out, but it is your life and you still have the right to decide for yourself.

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    Caviar  (01-07-2013)

  5. #13
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    There's a family member I've cut out of my life and if I received that text from her I'd probably politely decline. I would go if the text was more like "I realise now ive done the wrong thing by you and I want to apologise to you in person and talk about how we could move forward" but not to just "sort out stuff". I would need to feel I wasn't walking into a trap that would lead to more hurt. That's just me. Sounds like you'd be better off not going.


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  7. #14
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    personally if it were me I wouldn't bother meeting up with her. Obviously what she did, was big, and she sounds like a snake. I would probably say it was your parents that would have given your number out to her, and just sending such a casual text to meet up and sort your stuff out in an hour just wouldn't cut it with me. If you're happy and at peace with your life i'd leave things be. Yes it would be nice to be all together for the parents sake, but sometimes you just can't please everyone. What happens when there is a ''next time''..?

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  9. #15
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    You hafto follow your heart.

    I have an estranged sibling and if she did this to me the answer would be NO.

    Self preservation comes before making my parents happy in my life.




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  11. #16
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    I would probably go, but keep it light. I wouldn't even talk about whatever had happened. Just light, easy conversation over a coffee.

    It at least opens the door to civility. You are bound to have to see her at some point, most likely in situations that are going to be hard in themselves (someone sick, funerals etc).
    At least if you are on talking ground these situations don't have to be extra heartbreaking and harder because of the added stress of having to see her.

    I doubt you'd get the apology you want after all these years.

  12. #17
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    I didn't end up going. When I looked into it, the sporting event was a state wide carnival with 5000 people attending. Hardly a place to sit down and have a chat. I figured if she meant it, she'd give me a call to follow up. She didn't.

    I should have known there was a catch, though. Received a call from mum asking whether I'd received a text from her and that she'd be present at mum's up and coming birthday celebrations that her and daughter-in-law were organising. (Apparently they'd discussed it and felt this was the best course of action and Mum gave her my number). And that everyone was going to get on and forget anything that happened and all have a good time.

    I nearly choked on the piece of cheese I was eating.

    I mentioned that I didn't want to attend an event where I'd be forced to act in a way that wasn't true to me. She said that this wasn't about me, it was about her and that I should just grow up, move on, "be the bigger person" (I get this phrase a lot) and that if I didn't attend I would ruin everything. Talk about having a gun to my head...

    I'm seen as the embittered party, the one who won't move on. I'm not sure if that's entirely true as I don't feel anything ''bad" when I think of my sibling. I just don't want to have to make nice when it's simply not in my heart. Perhaps this is where I need to develop?

    I have been thinking a lot about this since I posted this thread. Not dwelling on it just wondering where the lesson is in it and considering all your responses with it. I've decided I don't need an apology. It's not that important to me. I don't even care if the rest of them think I'm "wrong" as it were.

    But there's something that sticks in my craw about attending a family event and expecting everything to be hunky dory. It's not that I want to play tit for tat. Not at all. The crux is that if I attend and pretend, I'd feel like I was selling myself out.

    Does this make sense?

  13. #18
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    it more depends on how you feel about your mum...if she wants both her children there and you are the one refusing to go...then, it is hurting your mum and not anyone else.

    You don't have to be best buddies...but being able to be civil is really important.
    Like someone or not...being able to be polite is a part of life.

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  15. #19
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    I think you should go to your mums party! You are not going for your sister you are going for your mum! If you don't go - your sister wins because you are avoiding family events and she will drive a wedge between you and your mum! I agree with just a quick helo and that's it! She doesn't deserve any more! What an insincere text! I agree that you shouldn't have gone to meet your sister! If her text was more sincere and she was making more of an effort then maybe!!

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    Caviar  (12-07-2013)

  17. #20
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    Thank you Ladies.
    You're my DIY DrPhil xxx

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    GirlsRock  (12-07-2013)


 

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