Yep same here...Lillynix;7320333]No traditional roles here either, other than I stay home and DH works. We are an equal household, teaching our children that men do "women's work" and that women do "men's work". We just parent and run the house together, free from the gender stereotyped roles of the 1950s
We both cook ,clean,wash,feed,bath,etc,etc
I don't care if he works or not we both made the babies we both look after them.
When they where little and where doing the night feeds at 3am and so on we would BOTH get up and one would nappy change and the other would feed then we would all go beck to bed together...
Luckily DH thought the same and wouldn't complain...
We both do the hard yards together...
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02-07-2013 11:18 #31
02-07-2013 11:38 #32
We just parent together. The only things that could be considered 'gender specific' are Df does the mowing and I do the clothes washing. Apart from that it's pretty equal.
I do more of the school stuff (volunteering, assemblies) but that's because I can, he works full time.
When ds1 was younger I worked full time and df was the SAHP so I think that helped break down any thoughts df had of 'mum duties' and 'dad duties'
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02-07-2013 11:39 #33
Dad used to be an interstate truckie, rarely home until my little brother (no 4) arrived. He quit that, as my grandfather died suddenly and so took over the main role on my Mother's family farm. My mother gave up her teaching career to be a SAHM. She was the main nurturer, cleaner, cook, everything. I don't really remember Dad being home a lot.
I look at Dad now with my kids, and he really has a soft spot for them. I have no doubt he loved us as kids, but he was just so rarely ever there- Mum was *always* the one there doing everything- except traditional male roles like lawn mowing... but then my eldest brother also took that on from about 8 or so.
In my house
DP does shift work, which actually works in our favour, as before that he was working 6 days a week. There has been a shift over time.
Before kids, we both worked full time. I took 2 years off work when I had the boys and we fell into the same roles my parents modeled to me growing up. I did everything around the house and looked after the kids, he worked 6 days and was often absent on the 7th. I think it was a lucky day, the day he really injured his shoulder and could no longer work.
He then took 2 years off for recovery (took almost 18 months just to have the operation to fix it) and I went back to teaching. During that time, he was the boys' main carer during the day, and would keep the house nice and tidy- I would just do the major clean on the weekend. But he actually started taking an interest in his children and realised how much he had been missing out on.
After two years of that, he again went back to work 6 days a week, whilst I was working 4 days a week. (Childcare was horrendous- not worth me working, really) and I would still cook, tidy etc and be the main carer for the boys because I was home more.
His shift changed about 3 months ago to shift work, and it's lovely. It's great having him home so often and he loves it too. I am now on leave again, planning to spend around another 2 years at home, and we just got word that his shift work has just been made permanent (it was a trial up until a week or so ago) so I am back to being the main carer, but he still spends his days off helping me clean the house and tidy the yard etc.
ETA: I am the one who takes major times off work because firstly, we choose to BF. Secondly, DP didn't really connect with the boys as babies- I would not have felt comfortable returning to work and leaving them with him. But lastly- despite my 2 degrees and solid career opportunities, he earns more PA by being a forkie
Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 02-07-2013 at 11:43.
02-07-2013 11:41 #34
We talked about all this before we got married and we both wanted the more traditions roles. He works, i stay home. He does the yard and builds the house, i cook and cleans most of the time. We parent together. We both for nappys, path, school runs, drs, teachers interviews etc...
We both love our roles.
Now in saying that he has no trouble cooking or cleaning if i had a bad day or he/i just feel like i need a rest etc... He has had 4 of the kids on his own for the last 8 days while i been down helping dd1. He has loved every minute of it.
I get it doesn't work for everyone but its perfect for us.
03-07-2013 19:07 #35
Well my dad has done most of the cooking for as long as I can remember. My mum did the cleaning, more because she is so anal about it, she is disabled now but still won't let anyone pack the dishwasher.
I do a lot more at the moment because I'm the one at home and my husband works early and gets home late. When I return to work, I still do most cooking, cleaning as I am home. When my husband is here, he helps. I do night feeds as he doesn't have breasts but my husband is capable of doing everything that I do. I do handle all finances.
03-07-2013 19:19 #36Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
I am some what like a 50s housewife ... He works .. I cook / clean etc ..
fine by me .. I love my life !
03-07-2013 20:03 #37
I grew up with a single parent who was more of a provider than a nurturer. Dh had a single parent that was more of a nurturer than provider. I guess we are both pretty stereotypical in our roles. Dh works full time and I'm a sahm that does most of the housework and childcare. I didn't have children until I was 30 so I have already had a career and Iam more than content with being a sahm now. I had achieved everything in my career that I wanted to before having children, where as dh's career has just started to take off and he still has a lot he wants to achieve.
Although we hold traditional household roles, dh still pitches in a lot with household duties (he cooks for the kids, does dishes etc) and Iam more sporty than dh so I play soccer and sports with the kids in the backyard more than him.
It works for us...
03-07-2013 20:28 #38Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
Growing up, my dad was a musician and stay at home dad in the 70s, 80s. My mum worked. She is a feminist who raised me to expect more. To be with someone that helps with the housework etc etc. So it is pretty amusing that I have ended up a SAMH who does most of the housework, all the groceries, and 95% of the cooking. DH makes the money. Having said that, I really don't like being a SAHM. I don't know why. I just wish I had something to break up the monotony. Almost like I wish we were't in the traditional gender roles or something..
03-07-2013 21:06 #39
I have realised since being an adult that my dad was actually the more 'motherly' one. Since having my little one, my dad is way more natural and willing to hold her and look after her than my mum is.
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