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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    The Kimberley WA
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by ricepudding View Post
    Thanks so much for your replies.

    i suppose I should clarify. It's the partner of one of my parents, who is 60 plus, has children of their own, and should know better and not be so incredibly rude!

    DH and I have been married over 6 years, so this person has known DH for longer than that. In the beginning it was never like this and effort was made with both of us, but over time the disdain, snide remarks, ignoring, giving orders and rudeness has been pretty standard. I'm sure they know they're doing it, as does my parent (ie see it happening).

    i agree I need to worry about DH being hurt, not the partner. He just shrugs it off, but its still not OK and something I need to grow some bits and stand up to!

    I just really hope to find a way to fix the behavior so it becomes genuine. Fake and condescending is no good either.
    Dh's sister was like this to us both over a minor incident due to a misunderstanding, well supposedly (really we suspect its because we have children and she doesn't, couldn't) but anyway, we would have family affairs and she would completely ignore both of us even when we would say hello. She would talk over us and exclude us from conversations. After a few attempts of trying to make amends with her we have given up. It got to the point that we didn't want ds1 seeing us being treated like that by her and we told SIL just that so now she refuses to attend anything when knowing we are going to be there. It's been 6 years now and it's just the way it is, it's carried on for so long that its too late to fix it, I will no longer make an effort, not interested and have better things to do wih my time. Dh is sad that his sister is this way but accepts it, for a long time we encouraged her to spend time with ds1 ( her only nephew at the time) suggesting she visit mil where we would leave ds and go out while she visits but she wasn't interested in that either. This makes dh very angry and upset but its his sisters choice to be the way she is.

  2. #12
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    sunshine coast qld
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi ricepudding, I would just ignore the partner. Talk with your parent, ask why there is such behaviour from his/her partner, let your parent know that it is causing you and DH hurt and upsetting family times that should be joyous. If your parent cant get the behaviour to stop, then confront the person. A person at the age of 60 should know the difference between good manners and bad manners. so if the tension doesnt stop, ignore both people. I couldnt be bothered spending time with people who ignored me or my family. Marie.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    There is pretty much three things I would do..

    1. Make a comment in a joking manner like 'Hey John better be in the picture as little Bobby wouldn't be here without him'.

    2. Talk to the parent and tell them that their partners behaviour is causing you stress and upset and ask if the partner has been hurt/offended in some way and can you do anything to repair the situation.

    3. Talk to the person.

    Failing all of that...move on. Just because they're family (or partnered to family) doesn't mean they have the right to exclude people or be nasty.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Thanks so much for all of your replies. I really appreciate your input. Feeling yuk about it still, so have to do something!


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