Does anyone know how I can get in touch with a moderator to ask if there can be a section for secondary infertility?
Sadly I stopped IVF and we are now at a point of having to accept we can have no more children. Obviously I don't fit in to the childless not by choice section, but I can't post in this section either as people are still on their IVF journey.
Anyone out there who already has a child/ren but unable to fulfil their dream of completing their family? I feel so incredibly alone, would love to chat with others who have/ are going through the same thing.
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29-06-2013 07:20 #1
The Following User Says Thank You to Little Feet For This Useful Post:
29-06-2013 07:30 #2
Hi there, I'm not in your situation but I know there's quite a few on BH in your position. I think your idea for a section is really good one. I've reported your post to the mods so they will see it I hope you find some support
29-06-2013 08:22 #3
Little feet, my heart broke reading your post because I know exactly how you feel. After years of ivf I am now extremely blessed with the most beautiful and amazing DS and DD. they are wonderful children and I am extremely grateful for them. However, I am from a large family and always imagined I would have lots of children. I feel terrible because I keep grieving the children I won't be able to have. I get so upset that the choice to have more children has been taken away.
We are done with ivf, and I too wonder where I belong on BH. I love supporting other women because when I was going through ivf we chose not to tell friends of family, so BH was extremely important. But I do feel out of place sometimes.
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29-06-2013 10:03 #4
Just wanted to send you a OP. DH and I are also suffering from secondary infertility, we have a naturally conceived DD, and are on the IVF train at the moment, trying to give her a sibling. I had a little meltdown last weekend when I realised we have been trying for half her life for another (she has just turned 3)
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29-06-2013 10:43 #5
The Following User Says Thank You to bel2466 For This Useful Post:
29-06-2013 13:31 #6
have bumped this into modland.
Even without a section of its own - just a thread like this where we can chat is great.
I found it so incredibly hard. I struggled to have DD, but on starting IVF to have a second was diagnosed with medical issues that require meds that cannot be taken in pregnancy. I cant go off them ... so no more babies
It took me a LONG time to accept this, I was so devastated.
But - there is light at the end of the tunnel. 5 yrs on I am happy with the family we have, and see advantages to only having 1. I still wish that we had been able to have a brother or sister for DD and have pangs of regret on seeing babies etc ... but its just a sadness rather than the complete emotional upheaval that was for so long.
Watching my friends all have more babies was so incredibly hard
The Following User Says Thank You to BH-KatiesMum For This Useful Post:
29-06-2013 18:29 #7
Thank you ladies, it is really nice to hear from other women who are in a similar situation.
FearlessLeader -Thank you so much for passing my post on to the mods. I had no idea how to do it myself!
traveler - to you. I feel like I am constantly grieving the child/ren I can't have. I am the youngest of 4 and always imagined I would have at least 2 children if not more. I think you have hit the nail on the head about the choice being taken away. That is one of the hardest things.
SpringRain - We also conceived our beautiful DS naturally. I really hope that your IVF journey is a success and you are able to have another baby. I was unaware of my low ovarian reserve until we started trying for number 2 Let us know how you get on.
bel2466 - So sorry that you are having to go through this too. My DS is almost 5 now, he was asked the other day what he would like for his birthday and he said "to be a big brother" It was all I could do not to cry in front of him. Feel free to pm me too, it would be great to chat to someone who understands.
KatiesMum -Thank you for sharing your story. So sorry that you had to go through such a difficult time. Can I ask what helped you to get to that point of accepting? I think I'm past the devastation but I still feel incredibly sad most of the time. It's hard to be around friends who are having more babies, and due to the activities DS does most places I take him I am surrounded by pg women or newborns. It's comforting to hear that you have reached a place of being happy with the family you have, and see some advantages (please share!).
Can I ask you all how you cope with people who tell you to be grateful that you have one child? I know this but find it hard to explain that having one (or more) doesn't take away the desire for another. Also, how do you cope with people who have opinions about only children, usually negative? I had a lady ask me when we were out shopping once how many children I had as DS was cute, I said just one and she proceeded to tell me how selfish I was!
Thanks again for responding, hope we will all be able to support each other x
The Following User Says Thank You to Little Feet For This Useful Post:
29-06-2013 18:42 #8
I too have had some really horrible comments about only having one child. On multiple occasions people have said "no you can't have just one, that's so cruel" umm so how is a very well loved, well adjusted, preschool loving, adored DS cruel? It tears me apart
29-06-2013 22:25 #9
I'm really sorry to hear about the insensitive and upsetting comments.
I've had some too, and now my answer is simply "yes, I would love another, but I'm quite old now, so I'm not sure it's going to happen any more". For me, that seems to stop most people. I think that it seems to frighten some people that having another child is not something you can always control, and they don't seem to think before they engage their mouths
Also, I've found that as time goes on, people seem to ask us less and less.
29-06-2013 23:42 #10
People thankfully have almost stopped asking - and when they do the answers come a bit easier (and mostly without tears, though that took a while)
I think now that DD is at school, and most of my friends have stopped having more ... its easier. Also, now that DD has grown up so much - past the baby/toddler/little kid stage and you move into a different phase of development ... I dont know it just makes it easier to accept that this is all.
We went to Europe last year on a major holiday, that we never could have done with more children, and we are planning on going back next year. It didnt make me happy that we only had 1 - but by now I have kind of accepted that it is how it is, and can be grateful for the things that we can do because of it IYKWIM
As for what to say - I never really had to deal with it that much ... just "I cant have any more" always worked for me. People can be so rude and intrusive.
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