I think you should simmer down. I'd personally explain to him the consequences of the icy poles, (I'd also possibly consult a Dr on that one, seems a weird reaction to icy poles, is it a dairy intolerance?) and unless it is a good allergy, let him make that decision. A friend recently explained to her 3 year old if she eats heaps of her Easter chocolates at once she'll get sick, she did and she did... And lesson learnt and she paced out the rest of her chocolates. It would depend on your child but could him owning the consequences help?
Also maybe it's a good opportunity for you to go to him and be the bigger person and apologise for lying to him, that you shouldn't have said it, that you were frustrated and that you want him to trust you and you won't lie to him anymore. (though only if it's a genuine no strings attached apology. Not as a guilt trip)
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26-06-2013 21:01 #11
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giggle berry (26-06-2013)
26-06-2013 21:02 #12
Have you thought about a compromise with the icy pole at school. My son can't have a lot of things at school due to additives and being vegetarian but if they have special things on we find out what he can have and allow him to have that.
It's likely that he is feeling left out so giving him another option will solve the issue.
As for you lying to him to get a forced confession......don't agree with that sorry.
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26-06-2013 21:04 #13
Just to get this right you are teaching him to be honest by lying to him and telling him that his parents will die if he lies? You aren't setting a very good example! Sorry but just being honest.... I'm sure that you would appreciate that. Sounds like your child doesn't feel like he can be honest and I don't blame him. I hope he doesn't believe that he could really cause your death - that is a MASSIVE thing to put on a 6 year old!
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26-06-2013 21:25 #14
Omg your OP makes me sad
So many things I think are wrong and oh so mean. Ill just leave it at If you want honesty you need to model honesty because right now you are not. Two wrongs don't make a right IYKWIM
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26-06-2013 21:27 #15
One of the first things you need to understand is that this is largely very age appropriate behaviour. It is not necessarily a result of poor parenting, a horrible child and is not necessarily to spite you. Role modelling is really important. As cliche as it sounds. Lead by example.
Like any relationship, even with children, there needs to be trust. You clearly don't trust him and he will pick up on this despite being 6. you need to show him trust and teach that rather than focus on the lies. He needs to see some belief in him. Especially from such an important figure in his life, a father.
Look at potential deeper issues. Does he want your attention? Is it just icy poles or lies in general?
Children don't get sick from cold things alone. don't teach him this. He'll get scared and may be phobic.
Set aside your own personal issues with honesty and lies because it sounds like there may be some as your approach is a little intense for anyone let alone a 6 year old.
Extreme lies and fear tactics don't work with children. If you promise something, you need to follow through otherwise they will never believe you (this is not to say you should let him wake up to you gone to prove a point!), are less likely to change their behaviour and he will not learn the value of truth.
Look up age appropriate discipline. Positive reinforcement is easier for children to understand as sometimes when punished, they don't always completely understand what for and the behaviours are repeated. As a pp mentioned, raising children's network is a great resource.
I think replies to these threads need to be free from judgement. Everyone's parenting experience (with their own parents ad well as being a parent) is different and constructive advice is more effective.
26-06-2013 21:28 #16
Your own language is the clue - you use the word interogation when describing the conversation that you've had with a child.
Children should not be interogated. He is likely scared to death of you, and you reinforce the every time you speak of it.
You are also manipulating a child into a false sense of security with the 'game' of hangman, only to have the word be a trigger for the potential lie.
You had already decided the child was lying just call it and be done with it - don't spend hours going on about it. You don't need to give hours of talks and punishment. A simple - This is disappointing and the consequence is a removal of this toy for a week. Be done, move on and don't dwell. The punishment must fit the crime. Your punishment suits a serious, elongated crime.
You also need to address why the child is so desperate for the icy pole, and how he gets them. Yes you have spoken to the teacher, but why is this child being sent with money on the icypole day and being told not to buy the item. Just don't send the money - take away the temptation. Support your child to make good decisions instead of setting him up to fail and then berating the daylights out of him when he fulfils the negative expectation.
I believe you are being downright mean and you really need to address your parenting methods.
Last edited by Oblena; 26-06-2013 at 21:31.
26-06-2013 21:29 #17
26-06-2013 21:32 #18
Personally I'm finding it very hard to remain free of judgement when the OP's "interrogation technique" is to scare a 6year old into thinking that a lie will make his parents disappear.
Something like that can have lasting effects and be harmful to the child's mental health. It really is quite distressing.
26-06-2013 21:35 #19
I'm also wondering whether your son "confesses" due to the barrage of questions and interrogation and fear of what might happen to his parents rather than telling the truth.
What I mean by that is, perhaps the boy never had an icy pole but says he did so the questions stop.
26-06-2013 21:40 #20
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