I need outside opinion on my mother. I love my mother more than anyone and she really is a kind as generous person especially when it comes to myself and my family.
She just has this...for lack of a better word...entitlement issue. It sees her try to control and take over EVERYTHING. It drives me nuts as she can't take no for an answer. Like my blinds at home, I leve them 3/4 open but not all the way a I don't like people being able to see in and see our belongings an also safety if they see me heavily pregnant alone with a toddler as I am a lot. She walks in and opens them all the way - even after I have told her seriously 20 times it makes me uncomfortable and out it back. She just can't not do it. Also other things like she changes my DS drawers around, she threw away food I had on the bench cover in cling wrap etc. I do know her heart is in the right place, I know she is not malicious but this happens over and over even after he knows it upsets me.
Plans are also an issue. She has this idea that everyone is there to accommodate her needs. And that also drives me nuts. She can never just go along - she has to try to change them to suit her. She has to control - I am a real go with the flow person so this obviously is a character difference
I say this as we had a big argument last night and I am not sure if I over reacted cause these small things built up or I legitimately had reason to be upset. DH thinks I was in the right buthe is biased.
So myself and my sil are pregnant sil 34 weeks with slow growing twins (so any day now) and me 32 weeks with a singleton. My mother in law and other sil wanted on Sunday to take myself and pregnant sil to high tea. My mil also kindly told my mother was also more than welcome.
So I called mum thinking it would be fine as 2 days earlier mentioned she was free all weekend to mind Ds as we have been working on the house. Apparently she had recently decided to go visit a friend a few hours away for the weekend but wasn't sure. I sort of said 'oh well, ill tell them to make a booking for 5 and if you are not able to make it then I'm sure the restaurant won't mind' my mum then asked me to ask inlaws if it can be changed to the following Sunday so she isn't 'left out' I explained that sil probably doesn't have 2 weeks left and I would feel bad and they if they all missed out. Anyway my mum had a bit of a sook and we hung up.
Next night we got a text from mil that plans have changed to Sunday night in a new restaurant that just opened. I was happy they accommodate my mum without risking the outing altogether but realised how nice of a gesture it was as the were really excited about high tea.
My mum said she will be back by then but as it was a new restaurant se will not 'queue for food' now my mum is also a serial repeater so in the next 2 minutes she reminded me about 10 times she doesn't queue for food and that 'here in Australia we don't queue for food' I got really annoyed but said calmly "can you please just go with the flow for once - you should be great full to mil."
Well mum just stood up and yelled she won't be 'lectured' by me and of If am going to lecture her he won't go" she said this 5 times (serial repeater) and I snapped just leave if you are going to yell - DS is asleep. So she stood at the sort declaring over and over she won't be lectured to which I said "we heard it the first time you don't need to say it 5 times' which she slammed the door really hard. Which really upset DH as he thinks was really disrespectful.
So as an unbiased opinion - did i over react? I don't actually feel sorry at all but if she really won't come I want my inlaws to change back to their original plans if they want to. So I will need to initiate contact but she, will be expecting an apology, if I try to talk to her about it then I know she will just get her back up. I'm considering a text just to say I was annoyed at xyz, I'm happy to move on f you are but if you really don't want to came you new to let mil know do she can go back to the original plan if wanted.
What do you think? Wowwww this was long- I've seen ladies take less words to explain marriage breakdowns lol suppose I just needed a vent as well. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
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26-06-2013 10:10 #1
Feeling like a b*tch - warning long post
26-06-2013 10:18 #2
Change back to the original plans and text your mum saying the original booking was more suitable considering she doesn't want to go and if she decides she does want to go she won't have to queue for food.
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26-06-2013 10:20 #3
No, you didn't over react but your mum did. She should be apologising for storming out.
If I were you, I wouldn't ask her to let MIL know as I wouldn't want to risk her embarrassing me if she's rude to MIL. I'd call and check if she's coming or not. If she hums and hars then I'd tell her you'll take it as a no and then you and the in laws do whatever suits you guys.
26-06-2013 10:24 #4
Agree with pp
I don't think you are in the wrong. I know my mum wouldn't appreciate it if I said that she should be grateful for something but it wouldn't end the way your disagreement did.
26-06-2013 10:30 #5
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26-06-2013 10:31 #6
No you didn't overreact, she did.
She does sound abit high maintenance and dramatic, I would just stick to your plan, if she comes fine, if she doesn't also fine.
Hope you have a lovely time regardless xxxx
26-06-2013 10:35 #7
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26-06-2013 10:35 #8
To be honest, I would have snapped at her too.
People like your mum need to be reminded sometimes that it's not all about them. This occasion isn't all about her. Your MIL was nice enough to change the venue & day so she could attend, and all she is concerned about is her own requirement to stuff her face immediately upon arrival
I guess you'll have to find out where you stand with her after this little spat, then make a decision on the venue/day based on that.
26-06-2013 10:51 #9
Wow, I would have snapped if my mother carried on like that too. I would carry on with the plans my MIL has made and if my mother didn't turn up well oh well, her loss.
26-06-2013 10:56 #10
I know this sounds slack but I know I will have fun with/without her. I would rather she come but I don't think her absence will upset me - daughter of the year award.
Honestly if she had of said it only once I probably could have laughed it off - its just hearing the same annoying statement over and over - that I think really got under my skin.
She does really want to go - she loves socialising and doesn't have much family (my parents are divorced) so is very fond of my DH family- she just doesn't understand you can't grab other people's plans and change them to make herself happy.
It's just also common sense. You have 2 heavily pregnant women, it's winter, we obviously will not queue for an hour. we will find some where else if this is the case...
We also have a charity dinner Friday night that mum brought a table. We will have to go to that - she brought the table and it is very expensive. Might just see how she acts/if she says anything and if she acts like it never happened I will let it go as well.
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