Haven't read any other replies but if some one is going to quit smoking they have to want to. Really truly want to. It is something they have to do for themselves and no one else otherwise it will not work. Ask, yes. Make, impossible.
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19-06-2013 20:02 #21
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19-06-2013 20:05 #22
19-06-2013 20:07 #23
19-06-2013 20:08 #24
Yes and no..... Sort of.... I believe I have a right to live in a smoker-free home, and I have a right to demand that for my children, so I'd be pretty darn ****ed if my df started smoking. I don't know what I'd do, but if he wanted to smoke it would not be at home, or in front of me, or in front of the kids, the cigarettes could not enter our home and I'd still be upset about him spending our money on something so selfish. Then there's the smell. :-/
I'd not leave him, but I'd be really upset about it. Id probably TELL him to stop, but I couldn't make him stop obviously.
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19-06-2013 20:08 #25
19-06-2013 20:21 #26
DH and I were both smokers when we started going out. I haven't smoked in about 5 years now, he still does. I don't like it, and he knows that, but I can't make him quit and I would never give him an ultimatum on it.
Fortunately we live in an apartment building and you aren't allowed to smoke anywhere on the grounds, including on your own balcony, so he has to go down stairs and out onto the verge to have a ciggie. He definitely smokes a lot less now than when we lived in a house and spent most evenings sitting outside anyway.
19-06-2013 20:28 #27Senior Member
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- Apr 2012
A hard one. I personally would never be with someone who smokes as I a) cant stand the smell b) have asthma c) think its a waste of money and d) a health risk
However if I had for some reason chosen to be with someone who smoked and I knew that from the start then no I dont think I have the right to 'force' them to quit or give them an ultimatum but I do believe I can ask them to/let them know I would prefer that they do
19-06-2013 20:51 #28
I agree with the statement if they didn't then did or the family went without so he/she could smoke.
I would throttle dh if he started he's a severe asthmatic who has been diagnosed as COPD, he went down hill last yr and nearly died from it too. I'm actually at the point now where ppl who smoke cannot smoke outside close to our house they must walk out to the curb. I don't care if I seem insensitive but his health is way more important than your addiction.
For the record we both come from smoking families and neither of us have ever touched one.
19-06-2013 20:58 #29
I don't know about the right to tell them, but you definitely have the right to an opinion. The problem with telling a smoker to quit is that it only drives them underground. I'm an ex smoker, I quit 2 yrs after I meet dh. I had to tell him to stop asking me to quit because I had to do it for myself, not for him. If I did it for him, I know myself I would be sooooo tempted to smoke when I was apart from him.
Eta I just re-read the OP and I completely agree with you! He can't do it for you. My ex-bf (just before I meet dh) told me he hated me smoking because they stank. Dh told me he hated me smoking because I was afraid he would get sick. That was all he had to say really, once I knew he didn't like it because he cared about me. He never nagged, just an occasional "look" I noticed, and a very occasional comment. After I asked him not to pressure me, he never did again, thankfully. It's hard enough to quit without feeling like you're letting someone else down as well.
Last edited by Gothel; 19-06-2013 at 21:06.
19-06-2013 21:17 #30
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