On the radio tonight (Edge Digital), they broached the topic of whether it's our right to ask that our partner quit smoking. What are your thoughts?
I'm single, but have started dating someone. He's an amazing guy, and the ONLY thing I can fault with him is that he's a smoker. He's not a really heavy smoker, but nonetheless he does it.
I've never smoked, and I don't like that he does it, but as long as he stays away from me when he's smoking I don't see it as my place to nag him about it. If he wants to quit it has to be because HE wants to. I may eventually let him know that I don't like the fact that he smokes, but I don't think I'd ever give him an ultimatum about it or let it be a cause of arguments in the relationship.
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19-06-2013 20:41 #1
Do you think you have the right to tell your partner to quit smoking?
19-06-2013 20:44 #2
I am the smoker in my relationship. I have no problem with DH telling me that he would like it if I didn't smoke but if he pushed more than that I would get cranky with him. I smoked when we met. I understand it must suck for him but it is my addiction and when I finally quit it has to be because I want to not because I am made to.
19-06-2013 20:44 #3
Not if they were a smoker when you met then no but if they just started out of the blue into the relationship then yes
And maybe if you were really struggling financially and the family were having to go without then yes or at least really cut down
19-06-2013 20:45 #4
Yup. Smokers don't realise how pervasive the stench of smoking is, and I say that as someone who smoked for 13 years. When DF and I first met he told me that if I should take up smoking again then it would be over between us. (I had quit smoking a few years prior to us meeting.) I respect him for that, he didn't want to be around a smoker and I completely understand.
19-06-2013 20:46 #5
No, I don't think so. My DP smokes (i smoke socially, occasionally) he's said ever since I was pregnant with DS that he would quit, but he hasn't (4 years later). He knows the dangers. Neither of us smoke at home (ok we do occasionally) and anything he wears whole smoking goes into the washing machine before he does anything else in the house.
I think I have the right to tell him no smoking in our house, but not to tell him what he can and can't do with his own body.
19-06-2013 20:48 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
No I don't think you have the right to tell another adult what to do with their body ...
I wouldn't be with a smoker anyway, I'd just leave.
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19-06-2013 20:49 #7
19-06-2013 20:50 #8
I would never tell him to quit. I'm his partner, I don't feel that's it's my role to play dr or mother even though it has broader implications. I would hate for him to tell me to lose weight, eat better, exercise more or that I needed to get up earlier. He'll do it when he's ready, that's what I did.
19-06-2013 20:51 #9
dh smoked when we met, i said 'dude im a chronic asthmatic, your causing me grief' he said 'when we have a baby i will stop' and so a few years passed, we had a baby and it took about a year after that and he quit.
but i didnt force anything on him he did it because he wanted to. i wouldnt have left him if he never did.
19-06-2013 20:51 #10
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