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    Default Do you think you have the right to tell your partner to quit smoking?

    On the radio tonight (Edge Digital), they broached the topic of whether it's our right to ask that our partner quit smoking. What are your thoughts?

    I'm single, but have started dating someone. He's an amazing guy, and the ONLY thing I can fault with him is that he's a smoker. He's not a really heavy smoker, but nonetheless he does it.

    I've never smoked, and I don't like that he does it, but as long as he stays away from me when he's smoking I don't see it as my place to nag him about it. If he wants to quit it has to be because HE wants to. I may eventually let him know that I don't like the fact that he smokes, but I don't think I'd ever give him an ultimatum about it or let it be a cause of arguments in the relationship.

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    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I am the smoker in my relationship. I have no problem with DH telling me that he would like it if I didn't smoke but if he pushed more than that I would get cranky with him. I smoked when we met. I understand it must suck for him but it is my addiction and when I finally quit it has to be because I want to not because I am made to.

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    bunkx's Avatar
    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    Not if they were a smoker when you met then no but if they just started out of the blue into the relationship then yes

    And maybe if you were really struggling financially and the family were having to go without then yes or at least really cut down

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    Yup. Smokers don't realise how pervasive the stench of smoking is, and I say that as someone who smoked for 13 years. When DF and I first met he told me that if I should take up smoking again then it would be over between us. (I had quit smoking a few years prior to us meeting.) I respect him for that, he didn't want to be around a smoker and I completely understand.

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    No, I don't think so. My DP smokes (i smoke socially, occasionally) he's said ever since I was pregnant with DS that he would quit, but he hasn't (4 years later). He knows the dangers. Neither of us smoke at home (ok we do occasionally) and anything he wears whole smoking goes into the washing machine before he does anything else in the house.
    I think I have the right to tell him no smoking in our house, but not to tell him what he can and can't do with his own body.

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    No I don't think you have the right to tell another adult what to do with their body ...

    I wouldn't be with a smoker anyway, I'd just leave.

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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkx View Post
    Not if they were a smoker when you met then no but if they just started out of the blue into the relationship then yes

    And maybe if you were really struggling financially and the family were having to go without then yes or at least really cut down
    Put so well..

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    No, I don't think so. My DP smokes (i smoke socially, occasionally) he's said ever since I was pregnant with DS that he would quit, but he hasn't (4 years later). He knows the dangers. Neither of us smoke at home (ok we do occasionally) and anything he wears whole smoking goes into the washing machine before he does anything else in the house.
    I think I have the right to tell him no smoking in our house, but not to tell him what he can and can't do with his own body.
    Exactly the same situation here except DH is a little slack on the changing into non smoking clothes.

    I would never tell him to quit. I'm his partner, I don't feel that's it's my role to play dr or mother even though it has broader implications. I would hate for him to tell me to lose weight, eat better, exercise more or that I needed to get up earlier. He'll do it when he's ready, that's what I did.

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    dh smoked when we met, i said 'dude im a chronic asthmatic, your causing me grief' he said 'when we have a baby i will stop' and so a few years passed, we had a baby and it took about a year after that and he quit.

    but i didnt force anything on him he did it because he wanted to. i wouldnt have left him if he never did.

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    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    Smoking for me is a deal breaker. I would never get involved with a smoker. If my DH started smoking all of a sudden then yes I would tell him to stop.

    I think when you're talking about something that is a life threatening habit, a habit that can also threaten the lives and health of you and others - then yeah, you have the right to ask them to quit. But that just IMO and I get many will feel differently.
    Lol...I used to think like that, like it was just that easy to not fall for someone just because they smoked. How deluded I was! This guy has completely caught me off guard....we're both totally smitten! Sometimes you really can't help who you fall in love with.

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