I had a miscarriage last year and have struggled finding out my friends were pregnant. If someone asked how I would like to be told it would be either by sms or phone call. Then I can respond and have a cry if I felt the need to.
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18-06-2013 21:14 #11Senior Member
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- Jul 2010
18-06-2013 21:16 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I have recently had a full term still birth and if any of my friends were to tell me they were pregnant I would to ecstatic for them. Even if I found out through someone else I'd be very happy for them!
A grieving mother is going to understand how/why you find this hard... You may even find she's very excited to share the journey with you!
If it were me I'd be jealous... But I'm jealous of anyone that's pregnant! I always have been! EXCEPT when I am pregnant.... Then I just feel sorry for us all!!!!
Just talk to her.... Be honest.
18-06-2013 21:26 #13
So sorry to the ladies here who have experienced losses. Only through my friend have I had a bit of an insight into how painful that must be. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
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19-06-2013 07:07 #14
I haven't really read through the previous posts but I think if you have the opportunity to talk to her face to face, to do it that way. I would really appreciate the time and effort, rather than just finding out via Facebook or a text...
A poor friend of mine that lives in another country that I was visiting in a couple of weeks was apparently stressing about telling me she was expecting... She sent me a text, obviously not being able to tell me face to face... But I just appreciated the fact that she acknowledged that it wouldn't be easy for me and that she's been thinking about me constantly...
RIP Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012
19-06-2013 18:14 #15
So sorry to hear about your friend
I've been in a similar situation with my best friend and even though I've known her my whole life, I did not want to hear/see her reaction to my pregnancy news. I ended up writing a text. This may sound cowardly but I just wanted her to process it and then we caught up soon after in person to just cry. I still tear up thinking how brave she was as it would have been incredibly hard.
She is pregnant now- almost 2 years on.
19-06-2013 18:23 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
My bestie called me to tell me she would ttc soon. It's been 2 years since I lost my baby boy but I still don't have a baby and everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant.
We agreed already that she would just text me when it happened and I could have my time alone to cry. Not because I wasn't happy for her, just because I am sad for myself. Still. And then once I was done crying I would call her to be excited for her
19-06-2013 18:35 #17
Call her, I would be offended if a good friend who has been there for me through my losses told me via text/Facebook. I would also suggest not face to face. A phone call is just right, gives the chance to be personal, and also gives you both opportunity to cut the call short if need be. Having has 2 still births this is the way I like my friends to tell me. And even though its tinged with jelously and fear, you are still always happy when you find out a friend is pregnant. Enjoy sharing your wonderful news with your friend.
19-06-2013 19:37 #18
Sounds like you are a pretty awesome friend. I agree, you should call. It's ok for you to cry and she might cry but that's life and grief unfortunately. It's probably better if you call so if she cries she has someone to talk to!
19-06-2013 20:22 #19
I called her tonight. Went soooo much better than expected so I am glad I called. She took it well. She said that hearing people were pregnant when she was wondering if she could even conceive was so much harder than hearing about it now for some reason. She knew that I wasn't going to have a big gap between kids and would be hitting the IVF road again soon. It ended up being a friendly chat with even a few laughs in about random stuff. She could tell I had been worried about hurting her without me saying so and was reassuring. If she actually is more upset than she shows she has the chance after hanging up to have the reaction she wants, but I think she really was ok with it. I will see her in a few weeks when I am in her area to catch up.
Thanks for everyone's advice. I have a big weight off my shoulders tonight and I think it was better than a written message would have been. She's so lovely the last thing I would want to do is cause her more pain.
19-06-2013 21:08 #20
Oh and good on you for being such an awesome friend to think so much about how it may affect her! You are clearly one in a million. Glad it went well
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