As a single parent from the start, I absolutely agree with the guidelines as that is exactly how I felt in my gut with DS. Regular visits at my home by his dad when he was a baby, followed by short outings with his dad, followed by longer periods and whole days at his dads house. Even now he is nearly 3 and he spends the occasion night at his dads house I feel a little anxious - not at all because I don't trust his dad, he has a wonderful bond with him, but because I worry he will wake up not knowing where he is or be frightened. As someone who's been there done that I think the guidelines make sense with regards to supporting a sense if security and stability of a young baby/child. It's just how it felt natural to me and I didn't even read the guidelines until recently.
And using CS as a bargaining chip? Not acceptable and not the point of CS as others have said.
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01-07-2013 01:17 #51
13-07-2013 22:36 #52Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
This guy sounds like he's got other things on his mind than just honestly spending time with his child. Power playing, control issues maybe. Things are out of his control and doing whats in his power to get some back? Stick to your guns. Stay strong. I've got a pot head, porn addicted ex whom I choke at the idea of letting DD stay overnight with. She's 16mth and I'm dreading the day the staying over issues arise. He hardly visited at all from 4-8 mths, but once she was interactive and could show him affection he was more attentive. So far he's been ok just visiting at our house, (was every night, and any time he wanted really, but have cut it back to second night as his constant presence was getting too much.... Theres a reason we are ex after all) and on two occasions has spent up to three hours looking after her (once out and about, once at my house) small steps. So im trying to be as fair as possible considering circumstances. He's not totally hopeless but doesn't tip the trust scales quite enough. Hold that bubba in your care, especially if he has a drinking problem!!
14-07-2013 21:23 #53
I have already commented before realising this was in the single parents thread, so I must apologise as I'm currently partnered. I will say though that I work in this filed and the following article is basically the one we give to parents wanting guidelines around overnight care of babies:
I know we're not meant to link websites but I think this one is really worth keeping around
15-07-2013 07:44 #54
The Following User Says Thank You to bubbles21 For This Useful Post:
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