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  1. #1
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    Default struggling to be the mum i want to be

    Here is my problem 85% of the time is consider myself a pretty good mother I love my daughter she's usually a very happy little 9 month old girl. My problem is that sometimes when she gets really cranky and upset I tend to only be able to take so much and then feel like ripping my hair out/ smashing something feel like the world is going to end and then within 20 mins I've calmed myself down and then just feel like crying for reacting in that way in the first place. I've never hurt my daughter but the rage that I enter makes me fearful that someday I could.

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    85% is a pretty good strike rate, I think anyone who said they didn't feel major frustration towards their children at one time or another is probably not being entirely honest.

    All I can think of is if you look back on some incidents which have made you feel angry, with hindsight can you think of anything that you could have done to diffuse the situation, such as distracting your daughter with an activity, taking her outside, going for a walk, giving her a bath?

    If you have a lot of options or 'tools' up your sleeve to deal with her crankiness, then you will feel more in charge of the situation, and probably more in charge of your anger.

    If you can tell us specific incidents, I'm sure people will be able to throw ideas your way.

    Like, is she frustrated, is she in pain with teething, or tired, what things set her off?

    The first year with a baby is an incredibly steep learning curve, it's tough at times.

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    Wanted to give you , just being aware of it is the first step. I love my Mum and she is a fantastic Nanny but her temper and abuse growing up is in my mind and she is aware of it as her Mum was much worse.

    I can just lose the plot over the most basic things - I try so hard to take a deep breath, but it is very hard when you are in the heat of the moment.

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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    You know I have a really short fuse, and a therapist once told me to take myself in a time out when I feel my anger rising. So what I do is go into my room, shut the door, scream and yell if I need to, throw a pillow around and have a good cry. Almost all of the time after doing this I feel MUCH better, and generally the first thing I want to do is go and give my kids a hug.

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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    Honestly OP I have never met a mother who feels they 'get it right' 100% of the time. I can relate to your feelings of frustration when things seem to get crazy. I have recently spoken to my psychologist about the same sort of feelings and she has suggested a mindfulness parenting course which I am going to try out. Don't punish yourself too much OP you are not alone in feeling that way. Reach out for support and see where you can get some help. I know there is a parent line, but not sure of their number maybe try finding how to contact them as a place to start?

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    Children are the most infuriating things ever! I think everyone has moments where they want to run away and scream. You just need to find a coping mechanism for when it all gets too much. I personally have a long bath

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    Quote Originally Posted by pheobe View Post
    Here is my problem 85% of the time is consider myself a pretty good mother I love my daughter she's usually a very happy little 9 month old girl. My problem is that sometimes when she gets really cranky and upset I tend to only be able to take so much and then feel like ripping my hair out/ smashing something feel like the world is going to end and then within 20 mins I've calmed myself down and then just feel like crying for reacting in that way in the first place. I've never hurt my daughter but the rage that I enter makes me fearful that someday I could.
    This sounds exactly like me. My daughter is 15 months old. A pp mentioned mindful parenting courses. What are they aLl about?

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    You know I just think parenting is hard... I am a really relaxed, take life as it comes person generally but sometimes I find myself raising my voice and getting frustrated with my 2yr old which surprises me but I just cant help it - sometimes her behaviour just puts me on edge.
    I think FearlessLeaders tip sounds like a good idea if you ever feel so mad you want to hit something - take a time out and hit a pillow, scream.

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    FL has the right idea. It's what I do.

    I'm not happy to admit this but this morning I actually felt like slapping ds1 across the face. He is 7 and has the worst attitude at the moment and can speak to me horribly.

    I hate that I thought that, to calm down though I removed myself, went to my room and shut the door and SCREAMED into my pillow. 5 minutes later I felt much more able to handle ds1.

    Parenting can be bl00dy tough! Be kind to yourself and know you are a good parent.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

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