You sound amazingly strong and very brave. I cannot imagine the terror you have been through but it sounds like you are doing all you can to be a survivor and not a victim of this terrible crime. I can't offer any further advice but wish you, your DD and your new baby all the best.
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17-06-2013 08:11 #61
17-06-2013 08:16 #62
My mother: Well, you know it will be hard having 2 kids on your own, and you know you'll be completely alone don't you?
She said that when I was pregnant with my daughter too. I reminded her that this was path I have chosen and it will be fine, which is was. I can't tell her this is the chosen path, but I have told her that if I could do it with one, surely I can do it with 2.
My dad: Oh, another grandchild! You know, I have another one on the way right now, a very anticipated baby.
His step-daughter, who was 26 when he met her mother and living in Canada, is also pregnant. She's been married for about 5 years and they have decided to have a baby. He wasn't there for my daughter's birth, he wasn't there for my nephew's birth. He has 3 children and 2 of us have had one baby each that he missed. He has 4 step children, all were adults when he met their mother, and I bet he'll be there for every baby they produce. This is the first. She's 36. He sounds excited but in all honesty, he sees my daughter every 3 or 4 years but he started sending her books this year that I'm really happy about. Older type things like Asterix and Tintin and older adventure books, Treasure Island, 20 000 leagues under the sea, that type of book so that's really thoughtful of him. It would be nice if he visited occasionally though and actually read her a story or took her to the park or something. He moved 2 states away but even before that we never saw him. He was half an hour away when she was born but couldn't make it because he'd planned on having lunch with someone that day and she came 4 weeks early but he wouldn't change his plans, he saw his first grandchild after all other family, friends and work colleagues and sees no problem with that.
My grandmother is excited. Her third great-grandchild was born last month. She has 4 grandkids, the 3 of us and her daughter's only son. She was probably the only one accepting straight up of my choice to have a baby alone. The way she saw it was that I was emotionally ready, had stable employment, am resourceful enough to get through just about anything, and determined enough to make it work. I wish we saw more of her as well, but we see her most weeks which is nice.
Pretty much everyone else started saying that I can't keep the baby, I have to have an abortion, this is not the right way to bring a baby into the world. Now that I'm a little way in they've realised that won't happen and are really pushing with adoption, saying how many loving couples are dying to adopt and that the baby will go to a loving home. I know that would happen, people don't embark on the epic journey of adoption without being serious. When deciding to have my daughter, I did look at back-up options if I was unable to become pregnant. The journey is a long and stressful one, not for the light hearted. I know that my baby would go to a very caring family who would do their utmost to provide a good life for him/her. But I can't say for sure how I'd feel about that at the end of the pregnancy and after the birth. My brother and his girlfriend have said they want us to find a big house together. They have no kids but are both pretty hands-on with my little girl. I've not lived with other adults for a long time, but they are pretty laid back by nature like I am and they are both very clean like I am. It might work in a big enough house provided we had our own bathrooms. I bags the ensuite room! So there's that support which is probably going to be the biggest support. They don't babysit or anything, but they do play with her and they're not afraid to tell her off for things if she does the wrong thing and I don't see it. Earlier this year I was coaching a swim squad and she was playing on the other side. I saw them pull her out of the pool and sit her on the side. Turned out she was doing dangerous things that she knows not to do. I feel confident that they have eyes on her and act in her best interest without hesitation. They'll also come around and play a board game with her, they helped us all build a cubby last year. Worth a shot living with them, it's the only way they feel confident enough to move away from this town even though we're not moving far. At the same time, I know they will be there if I decide to go down the adoption route.
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17-06-2013 08:25 #63-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
You are such a strong woman!. I am so sorry you had to go through such a terrible thing to bring that strength out.
I am glad you are getting support in real life. The ladies on here will be a wonderful support for you too.
17-06-2013 08:59 #64
Hi there. May I just echo everyone here's heartbreak and support for you. I have also been assaulted, in nothing like as violent or terrifying circumstances, but a weapon was involved. It can take a long time to recover. You seem like an amazing woman, and a survivor. I agree that you have plenty of time to make your decision about whether or not to keep this baby. I understand exactly why you wouldn't feel bonded to this bubba you're carrying giving the circumstances of conception.
Remember though, that this baby is half you as well, and you seem like one hell of a woman - caring, resourceful, organised, motivated, strong and independent. I believe you could turn this horrific situation into a positive and raise a beautiful, happy child *if* you choose to do so. This is not anti-adoption by any means - if I were in your shoes I couldn't even carry this baby at all - and I also hope you would feel no guilt if you did choose to adopt your baby out.
You're probably aware, but there is a great forum here for survivors of rape where you ought to be able to find other women in a similar situation.
I don't believe that awful saying that you are only given what you can handle, but I do believe that with support and love we can handle most things. There will be lots of support for you here if you need it, and there are many of us thinking of you today.
17-06-2013 09:19 #65
17-06-2013 09:28 #66
17-06-2013 09:35 #67
17-06-2013 09:54 #68
What an incredibly horrible thing to go through ! Sending you lots of & I wish you & your daughter all the best in your healing & your future
In regards to the baby your carrying - I can't even imagine what your going through emotionally & physically so I won't pretend to, all I can do is give you my opinion & I hope I'm not flamed for this as I am not trying to sound insensitive or unsupportive in any way but I believe the best thing for the baby would be adoption at this point as I think it will do he/she a lot of harm emotionally & mentally when they are old enough to understand that they are the product of such a horrendous crime - I had a close family friend who was in the same situation & her daughter was told about her conception when she was old enough to understand & let's just say it didn't go well ...
However it is your decision & only you know what is best for your family so the best of luck in your decision
17-06-2013 10:07 #69
Definitely something I think about a lot. Thank you for sharing that. I've not put anything up on facebook really about it, only odd posts on the hard days that are then removed because it might upset people or something.
17-06-2013 10:25 #70
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