Hi all. I have a 10 year old and am pregnant with my second. This baby is about as far from planned as it could possibly be. I became a sole parent by choice with my daughter when I had a near death experience and decided life's too short to wait around for things to happen. I also decided I really prefer to be alone, so why hook up with someone to have a baby when all I wanted was a baby?
Anyway, fast forward 10 years and we could not have been happier. I was working in a position I greatly enjoyed, bought a house that backed onto a hill about 7 years ago, and was settled well into the community, my work and my daughter's school community as well. We've both been actively involved in various causes from animal welfare to cancer fundraisers, raising awareness of SIDS and a variety of causes. We are also both involved in a number of sporting activities and love to explore. In short, everything was going great guns.
Then our area began to have more crime being committed from people stealing cars to people breaking into homes and taking belongings. Little Missy was always being told not to open the security screens, and if she did, close them again and make sure they're locked. She was not very good at this, and I became quite complacent thinking that the only houses that were targeted were those without dogs, and since we had 2 dogs, we'd be safe.
This one night, one dog was at the vet because he was given some medication for his arthritis, he's an old dog, and he had a bad reaction to it. The other dog was still there. It was very late at night, I was in the process of listing things for sale after having a huge clean up of our house and yard in preparation for my daughter turning 10 and needing some more age appropriate things. The neighbours over the back were fairly new to the area and tended to have loud parties every few weeks that went for a long time. So they started their party early that day and I didn't really think anything of it. I knew how it went by then, eventually they would start fighting, there would be yelling, they'd swear at each other then it would be finished with everyone leaving in a bad mood with each other. So I wasn't too concerned. My child sleeps through all that type of noise, we lived next to a pub with live music when she was a baby so she was cool with it.
There was a bit of yelling, then it went weird. I got that bad feeling that something was not right. Then I had someone try to open the front door. Then I had them try to open the security screen in the kitchen. I heard them out the back. I had no idea how many there were or what they wanted. I went into DD's room, saw that her security screen was open but her glass window was closed. I was scared by this time and stayed away from the window. I pulled her out of bed, took her into my room and told her to stay there, get under the bed if I told her to and pretend she wasn't home, no matter what happened, she was to hide and pretend she wasn't there at all.
No sooner had I shoved her in my room while telling her this, her window smashed. I'd called 000 to start with so was on the phone to them, but dropped the phone at some stage. They knew our names and address and that someone was trying to get in so I hoped they had everything they needed if it was disconnected. I heard someone out the back still smashing at the security door. I don't know exactly how things happened after that, but I was raped, in my hallway, with a knife to my throat. Another man came in and I was being strangled by one of them and can't remember exact details, it all got really blurry. My clothing was cut off, my skin cut in the process and there were 3 different men that I saw clearly. My head was slammed against the hallway floor. I have very blurred memories though from the time the second one started to choke me. Then police, 3 police cars initially with 2 officers in each one, then more turned up after that. My daughter said she was watching through the louvres. My bedroom had glass louvres to the hallway and she climbed on top of the wardrobe and could see them. She said she saw the reflection of the police lights and heard sirens and that's when they all ran. She said there might have been 5 men but maybe only 4, she was scared and didn't know what to do so did what I said and hid as best she could.
So here we are, a few months later, that house on the market and us living in a place 7 hours from where we were. Me unemployed thus far, taking the rest of the year off and seeing how I go after the baby before thinking about returning to work. The physical injuries have not yet healed, most of the cuts were minor but I have 2 cracked ribs and with all the morning sickness I can't see they will have a chance to heal for a long time.
So I guess this makes me a solo mum of 2 children, yeah?
What I'm after from here is some support to get through an unplanned pregnancy, and also advice on large age gaps. I always thought if I had 2 children they would be close in age, but had decided to have only 1 child, as well as 2 dogs. I guess I'm also after advice on how to survive what's happened and remain the best person I can be, the best parent I can be for my child.
Thanks for taking the time to read, and apologies for making this type of post straight up.
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16-06-2013 16:41 #1
Hi, Second pregnancy, 10 year gap, rape mentioned *trigger warning*
16-06-2013 16:47 #2
I don't have any advice, just
16-06-2013 16:48 #3
Hugs from here as well
16-06-2013 16:49 #4
I couldn't read and not say anything I am so sorry for what you and your daughter have gone through. I don't have any advice for you but I think you will find a wealth of information from the women on this forum. One major plus of having a large age gap is the help you will get from your daughter. I am sure she will be great with your baby and you won't have to feel nervous leaving her alone with baby whereas I will have a 3 year age gap and know my rough dd can't be trusted!
16-06-2013 16:51 #5
I agree I have absolutely no advice but massive enormous
Tank(mastiff x)+Echo(oz cattle)
16-06-2013 16:53 #6
No advice, just lots and lots of hugs x
16-06-2013 16:56 #7
I couldn't read and run. How absolutely horrific for you. I'm amazed at your strength and want to offer you hugs as that's all I can offer you. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me
16-06-2013 17:04 #8
You have all the support you need. If there is any question you want to ask...fire away. Did they find the persons responsible? Do you have family around your or nearby?
16-06-2013 17:10 #9
So many hugs
16-06-2013 17:19 #10
Im so sorry for what happened to you many hugs going your way
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