Just saw your most recent post, I really think your DH has some serious confidence issues. It would be exhausting to deal with in your position. If you both struggle to have a calm conversation about these issues I highly recommend relationship counselling. It worked wonders for us.
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13-06-2013 12:22 #31
13-06-2013 12:29 #32
I don't expect dh to do any housework on the days he cares for P. I get everything ready for him and I clean up when I get home. The only thing he does on those days (other than look after P) is reheat dinner and serve it (I always have meals ready in the freezer for these days).
I'm just finding it extremely difficult to be sympathetic. I feel like dh thinks it's ok for him to lose it but if I complain about being tired I'm being a b!tch. Dh doesn't help overnight and rarely takes P in the mornings I don't work to let me have a sleep (6 times so far in 7 months - believe me, I know when I get more than 2 consecutive hours of sleep! )
I feel like such a whinger. Please tell me again that babies do grow up and eventually do sleep!
Dh does help with housework when we're both home - he does vacuum, mop and cook. He's not totally useless
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13-06-2013 12:40 #33
It sounds to me like you are both understandably tired and tetchy. I think he is interpreting you expressing tiredness as a criticism of him, probably because he is sensitive to the fact that you do all the overnight stuff. (I also do all the overnight stuff and am starting to really resent it.) Does P always need to feed when he wakes? If not, I don't see any reason why you can't split the night up and each get a block of sleep.
I am also just thinking... Can DH drive you to and from work? Is P ok in the car? I really hate you driving on such little sleep, and that way everyone gets out of the house every day.
13-06-2013 12:43 #34
It sounds like he's afraid of being judged in public as a bad parent if P starts crying or something.
I think playgroup and/or swimming/gymbaroo would help expose him to other babies doing the exact same thing as P, but he obviously is lacking confidence in his ability to handle bub when out.
13-06-2013 12:57 #35Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
It is really important to reconnect with your partner, but the fist year is def the hardest, equal contribution and equal balance is something that we have all had to strive and push for - its hard breaking the cycle that we have had pushed down our throats for 1000 years, but we get closer everyday, they need retraining - just as much as we do
13-06-2013 13:24 #36
I like Mrs Harvey's idea of your Dh driving you to work. Or maybe he can meet you for lunch?
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13-06-2013 14:17 #37
OP it sounds like your DH is having a hard time adjusting to his responsibilities as a stay at home parent. That's ok, but he needs to do something about it rather than letting it continue. He obviously needs to work on his anxiety about leaving the house with P.
You sounds like you are doing it really tough. SO much responsibility is falling on your lap and its not fair. I believe every coupld needs to find what works for their relationship. For me I am a SAHM and a full time student. DH is a shift worker and works crazy hours but we find a way to share the load around the house. It works for us (I am constantly told I am a lazy b*tch though cause my poor husband apparently shouldn't have to life a finger lol) he does heaps around here though and doesn't have a problem.
I think communication is the key here. You guys really need to keep the lines of communication open between you because it helps no one to bottle it up until you just lose it and scream/yell etc. Maybe drawing up a chore sheet would help? That way you can both see what each is expected to do and it would be easier to make sure it is split evenly so no one is expected to carry a bigger burden than the other?
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13-06-2013 14:37 #38
Like a few others have said, I worry about you driving to work on such little sleep......is there any way that your DH could help out overnight? Can he catch up on sleep during the day when P sleeps (assuming P sleeps during the day!)
It's such an adjustment having a baby and I think it's so common to put a strain on a relationship....throw in sleep deprivation, and trying to work long days and no wonder there are issues arising. I hope you can start to work towards a solution soon.
Oh, and you are definitely not a whinger, and P will eventually sleep (hopefully soon)!!
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13-06-2013 14:51 #39Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
I don't have much to suggest that hasn't already been said, but do you both have time off together with P? I was just thinking that you could do something (like Playgroup or similar) that could show your DH just how normal cranky babies are? Even on the weekend at our local mall it is full of people and cranky babies if you look hard enough lol. Having you there would alleviate any pressure but perhaps show hubby that, quite frankly the show must go on so to speak.
For what it's worth, if my DP did even half of what you do for your partner, I'd be so thankful. I think you really are doing the lions share here. Hugs xx
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