I found out yesterday that I have miscarried twins (this was my second pregnancy and I'm blessed with a beautiful 2 year old). It turns out the egg failed to separate properly and as a result they both died between 8-9 weeks.
I am absolutely devastated! 😓 It was a missed miscarriage as I had no signs or symptoms. I went to have a dating scan and that's how it was discovered.
I am booked in to have a D&C tomorrow morning.
I'm finding it hard to cope with it all. Can anyone share their experiences on dealing with loss?
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04-06-2013 13:24 #1
04-06-2013 14:15 #2Stary
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Hervey Bay
I'm so sorry for ur loss. Unfortunately I think it is only time that heals, I know I was a mess for a while, still having all those crazy hormones doesn't help either. Be kind to urself take it day by day and at some point ull come out the other side okay.
04-06-2013 14:18 #3
I'm so sorry about your loss, sending you lots of hugs.
Everyone grieves differently so take some time for yourself, don't be afraid to cry and lean on your partners shoulder. X
04-06-2013 14:26 #4
Really sorry for your loss
Remember it's ok to feel how ever you want, there is no right or wrong way to grieve and it's ok to ask for help if your not coping or need a shoulder to cry on.
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04-06-2013 14:43 #5
I am so sorry
I had a d&c back in April, also due to a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. It was awful. I am slowly accepting it, but struggle greatly with the idea of TTC again (like, I shouldn't have to, because I should be nearly 20 weeks already, iykwim).
It does get easier, though. Go easy on yourself and be selfish for a while. Allow yourself to grieve and ignore anything that you just don't have to/want to deal with for a while (I bailed on a lot of social events, etc.)
04-06-2013 16:41 #6
LJMsmum, so very sorry for your loss. I have had 3 MC's (2 I had D&C's for). Especially since you are going private ask your OB/Gyn to do your procedure guided by ultrasound or with hysteroscope to minimise any damage to your endometrium and protect your future fertility. Unfortunately I didn't know to ask for this at the time.
As others have said it takes time to heal from the disappointment and heartache that comes after a loss. Use your supports, close friends, your partner, your fellow BH's and be kind to yourself. Hope your situation is swiftly resolved and when you are ready your 2nd bub will follow.
04-06-2013 16:57 #7-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I don't have any experience with miscarriage but just wanted to pop in and say that Im so sorry for your loss xxx
04-06-2013 17:19 #8
So sorry to hear. This is just such a sad and difficult time.
I am by no means out of the woods yet (I lost my baby at 16 weeks on 1 May due to a stupid unrelated illness I contracted) but I found talking really has helped.
The first few times I would cry my eyes out and then it would gradually get better. The hospital assigned me a specialist social worker in this area and talking to her really helped. I would really recommend getting professional help. Well meaning friends/family can inadvertently say very hurtful things.
One of her strategies was to make sure you have things to be able to look forward - small wins in the medium term. We have booked tickets to the theate (we never usually do this) and are researching holidays for July. This has helped a lot as well.
For me the future was a place I didn't want to be anymore, as I only wanted the future that included my baby.this is also getting better as the weeks have gone by.
All the suggestions by PPs above are really valid. Do what feels right for you - and that can change moment to moment, day to day. And that's ok!
So sorry agaim that this has happened to you xx
04-06-2013 17:26 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
Sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage 3.5 weeks ago. I was nearly 10 weeks and it was my first pregnancy. I agree with so many ladies here. Let yourself grieve however you need to, and keep the lines of communication open with your DH. Mine was an amazing support and it helps to know you're not alone in your grief.
It also helped me to get through each day, by thinking that each day I got through was a day closer to feeling myself again, and to TTC again (important to us, but not for everyone). 3.5 weeks on, I can tell you that you don't forget but it really does get easier.
The other thing that helped me was to buy something to commemorate our baby. We bought a lovely teddy bear that we hope to give to our future children.
04-06-2013 17:32 #10
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost twins at the end of 2010 and still struggle to get through sometimes. My twins would of been 2 last month and I still think about them each and every day. I wont say you will get over it and everything happens for a reason because those were the things that were said to me and i hated it, because you never get over losing a child and even if there was a reason it doesn't make it alright. If you ever need to talk please feel free to pm me.
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