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  1. #1
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    Default Ending the Relationship..?

    How did you know it was time to give up and stop trying to fix your relationship with your partner? I don't know what to do anymore. We are in each others face 24/7 atm, as he is not working. We have a 19mo ds and a 4week old ds2. We want different things he wants to move I don't. He is applying for jobs all over Aus except here. If he moves and if I was to move in with any family he reckons he will try and get full custody as I won't be in my own place and i have no job. We parent differently - he is extremely firm and strict whereas I'm more harmonious. All of the above is all his mothers influence, ever since she moved back here 6 months ago our relationship has gone downhill. His relationship with his mum has gone from barely there to can't go a few days without seeing her. He is far more loyal to his mother than me. Every thing is getting to me. We uaed to be so in love and I keep looking for that again but we constantly bicker at one another. I ask myself do I love him like I used to but I just feel numb... sorry this is so long just needed to vent. When did you finally get fed up and walk away?

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  2. #2
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I think that there is a lot going on there for both of you. Firstly the stress alone from a newborn can cause difficulties in any relationship. I think sometimes when you are in the situation you can get so snowed under and nothing makes sense and everything is a battle iykwim.

    I haven't ever actually broken up with anyone (since high school) so I probably can't help much with that. Except to say that there have been times where I have been truly frustrated with DH and seriously considered asking him to move out. I dealt with this by simply telling him how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way. I didn't do it in an argument way. I did it more in a I love you but I am really struggling with 'xyz' at the moment and I don't know how to fix it on my own...

    I guess I think that you should try every avenue available to you before ending your relationship because once the stress has died down it could be something you regret. Perhaps speak to him about seeking some couples counseling. Sometimes its easier to have a productive conversation if a counselor is present.

    As for the MIL maybe moving away for his work is a good idea MIL problem solved

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  4. #3
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    I think it's time to walk away when you unhappy the majority of the time.

    If your partner does move away, legally he won't have much of leg to stand on in regards to custody. If he opted to move from the area, they aren't going to uproot a child and move them potentially 1000's on kms away from you.

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    Maybe moving away from the MIL might be a good idea?

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    Sounds like he's threatening you by saying he'd fight for custody. I highly highly doubt he would ever win custody, unless you are abusive or a drug addict etc etc they prefer to leave children with their mother. I think it's time to leave when you are unhappy at least once a day, if you are fighting a battle you can't win and if he won't work with you to make things better. Have you tried seriously talking to him? Would he go to counseling?

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    His mothers moving in July about 6hr drive away. He wants us to move with her and live with them until he gets a job because her work is paying for the move. So it would be free. I said hell no, I could not do it. ( Our lease is up in august. ) He throws the whole "Don't you want your kids to have a good life etc if we stay here we will end up homeless and starving. We need to move to where the money is and save" Umm no. You were earning $1000 a week after tax. We both know there is work coming up. He absolutely refuses to call around and find work here. Apparently it's too expensive. We had months to save but excess food for him that he doesn't need and $22 on smokes a day is more important. We pay $300 a week rent and spend roughly $200 on food a week plus another $70 on nappies a f/n. a few other bills a month but nothing dramatic. I'm sick of it... he won't do couples counselling I've asked him before. I am only 19 he is 24- we have 2 kids (one of which is a newborn) and he tells me to shut up when I told him he wasn't doing all he can to look for work for our kids futures and he tells me I should start studying now and until then to shutup. He is ridiculous. It is the same argument over and over again.

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    OP it sounds like your relationship is becoming quite toxic for you both. If he refuses to see a counselor with you or listen to any of your ideas/thoughts etc perhaps it is time to consider moving on.... A relationship takes two people working at it who want to make it work, and unfortunately if one person doesn't want to come to the party there is not much you can do.

    I always think writing a pros and cons list for any big decision is a good idea (maybe corny but it helps )... Then you can see on paper the good and the bad and I think it sometimes help to reinforce what we might already know.

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    I'm far from abusive or a drug addict. I haven't had a drink for 2 1/2 years. I haven't been out since having my boys. My eldest has had 2 nights away from me since he was born when I was in hospital having ds2. I know for a fact I am a loving mother a kind hearted person. I struggle to hold grudges with anyone. Even dps mum! He is more aggressive and dominant person. I guess I am scared to leave as his mum used to work in child welfare services and she knows alot about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glittertg View Post
    I'm far from abusive or a drug addict. I haven't had a drink for 2 1/2 years. I haven't been out since having my boys. My eldest has had 2 nights away from me since he was born when I was in hospital having ds2. I know for a fact I am a loving mother a kind hearted person. I struggle to hold grudges with anyone. Even dps mum! He is more aggressive and dominant person. I guess I am scared to leave as his mum used to work in child welfare services and she knows alot about it.

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    Don't let your MIL intimidate you. If you are truely unhappy and in a relationship that sounds boderline abusive, it's probably time to leave.
    Don't let your age be a deterring factor either. They are plenty other young mums out there that are or have done it solo.

    Only you can decide what to do but seriously, if your happiness is in question, I think that says it all.
    Children will pick up on the unhappiness and toxicity of the relationship- I think that is something else to give consideration too.


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    Quote Originally Posted by glittertg View Post
    I'm far from abusive or a drug addict. I haven't had a drink for 2 1/2 years. I haven't been out since having my boys. My eldest has had 2 nights away from me since he was born when I was in hospital having ds2. I know for a fact I am a loving mother a kind hearted person. I struggle to hold grudges with anyone. Even dps mum! He is more aggressive and dominant person. I guess I am scared to leave as his mum used to work in child welfare services and she knows alot about it.

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    She may know about it, but does any of it apply to you?

    I hate to jump on the 'leave' him bandwagon but maybe a separation could help. I've done it before. Df realised he had to pull his socks up and grow up!

    Would this work for you maybe? Do you have people who could help you IRL?


 

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