Wow, you are so much nicer than I would have been. I can't believe anybody would expect a 6 week Newby to be left at home...My brother and SIL had a no kids rule which was fine as it's their day and we were happy to organise babysitters months in advance and let them know that we would just have a 6week old with us. Then we got a text less than two weeks out from the wedding tell us that no babies allowed as they will cry loudly and ruin the video they were getting done which they were paying a lot of money for.
So...we thought about it before replying, then politely said that unfortunately we would not be able to attend (we also had to travel to get there). This of course caused unrest and so we went out of our way to go up and DH stayed with bubs while I attended the ceremony as bub wasn't allowed to put foot on the sand - ceremony took place on a windy beach (so the speakers were all crackly), beach goers everywhere, noise, boats, etc.
We then turned around and drove home, only to have to drive back again with our children the next day to please close family who had also driven a long way and were put out because they didn't get to see our kids.
And after all this, my brother and SIL were so ungrateful and didn't talk to us for a year. Their spin on it was that I should have been grateful to have been allowed to attend the ceremong still - what the? Meanwhile, we said nothing of it negatively to our family. I have no idea what others said to them though - I'd say this is probably what caused the problems.
So...after all that - I would recommend if you want both spouses there, then babes in arms be allowed, or do not get offended if they decline if you allow no babies. (If they are fed and cared for, I doubt they will interrupt, and even if they start getting grisly, if they have caring parents, then I'm sure they will go and pop them down for a rest, etc. when needed.
I think it's quite acceptable to have no kids at a wedding. Just as pp said - make out the invites specifically and also pop a note into the envelope or phone people to make sure they have made arrangements. I remember being 14 and not going to a cousin's wedding and an aunts wedding as I was considered a child - and it was fine. As long as there is consistency no one will be put out. Hope you have a lovely day and the whole kid thing goes smoothly for you.
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29-05-2013 12:46 #31
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29-05-2013 13:14 #32
The 'no kids' thing became a huge issue at our wedding. It started with the engagement party - we said no kids and DHs extended family all b!tched about it behind our backs and to his parent (who unfortunately don't seem to deal well with confrontation so just passed them on to us to deal with). One of the cousins called and complained to DH and he caved - I was so angry!
When it came to te wedding people had their backs up long before the invites went out because they knew from the engagement party that we would say no kids. Neither of us have any nieces or nephews and didn't have our own kids yet so we didn't see why we would have to invite them.
At another family wedding we actually had one of DHs uncles stand over DH and basically threaten him, insisting that we invite kids! DH and I were fuming. Inviting kids would have meant an extra 20-30 people to feed (his cousins have a lot of kids between them!) and we wouldn't have been able to use the reception venue we wanted. Also, I have a small family and noone ever invites cousins (let alone their kids) because generally people have small weddings with immediate family & friends with aunts and uncles invited as a courtesy. I was absolutely livid that DHs extended family thought they had the right to dictate what type of wedding we'd have. It was our wedding not their family reunion!!!
Anyway, we put something on the invite like "we'd love parents to let their hair down and enjoy the celebration so ask that children stay at home. The venue is not child friendly and numbers are limited so we appreciate your understanding". We did have a couple of people decline (like the cousin who insisted on bringing her kids to the engagement) but we didnt care.
It's such a juggling act with weddings, people always want it their way and often forget who's wedding it is!
29-05-2013 13:23 #33Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
Just to clarify, when I say no kids, I'm not at all against little babies being brought along if they are too little to be babysat. It's more the issue of having the kids running around out of control and not being properly supervised by their parents that worries me (for some reason, pretty much all the parents in our family seem to think they can just let their kids go wild and someone else will take care of it).
We did have people at our engagement party who bought randoms that we didn't even know who obviously weren't invited which is why I thought it might be a good idea to make it clear on the invite that it will be no children.
Thanks for everyone's advice and stories
29-05-2013 13:37 #34
We were invited to a friends wedding that required 6 hrs travel and I can't remember how she worded it but there was a little poem that said that children weren't invited but for the people who had to travel if they couldn't find a babysitter then it was ok to bring them. We didn't feel put out at all, we left ours with my Mum and enjoyed a wonderful weekend. Last year we travelled interstate so DH could be best man for a wedding that allowed children and it was great for us because we turned it into a big holiday and because I was seated alone with our children because DH was seated at the bridal table I made sure they were well entertained and didn't get unruly or loud but there were a few that weren't so polite with one 5 yr old yelling that the bride looked fat! So I can definitely see the benefit of no children invited.
29-05-2013 13:57 #35
We're going to a wedding in Italy in may (bride & groom live in London) our baby will be 10 months old. It's no kids. DH has said he'll just stay in the room with the baby during the ceremony and bring him out when appropriate (e.g. If bridal party off doing photos in between).
I think this bride is shooting herself in the foot as she wants us all there for her dream destination wedding, but she is one of the last of our extended group of friends to get married so most already have kids. She honestly thinks people have got baby sitters on hand to leave the kids at home in London for the 2-3 days they'll need to go to Italy for the wedding. When in reality most people are already saying they won't be going.
So I guess the moral of my story would be, if it impacts on the overall success of the wedding you want, then sometimes you need to suck it up and have the kids there.
But we had no kids at ours (was a daytime wedding and lunch so much easier to get a babysitter) and it was great!!
29-05-2013 14:13 #36Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
I did the almost exact same thing for my wedding.
On the invite we just wrote "strictly an adult affair".
We only 4 children - the flower girl and her brother, the ring bearer and his brother.
Everyone else was fine and organised babysitters.
However our wedding was local.
If it was a destination wedding then I would invite the children.
29-05-2013 14:14 #37
I have to agree. Saying "No kids" is fine, but you just have to accept that some parents can and will say no if they're unable to get a babysitter. It's happened to us and the couple got p!ssy because they're able to dump their child on family at a moment's notice.
We didn't have anyone close by that we trusted so one of us had to stay home. We were told if one didn't go then the other wasn't invited.
Guess which wedding we didn't show up to .
29-05-2013 14:21 #38Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
I had a child free wedding. I made it 'fair' by setting the bar at no one under 18yrs old...
Sure people had a whinge about baby sitters, some threatened not to attend.. Their loss..
It was my bill at the end of the night, not theirs and I had my reasons. To me, my wedding was a very formal event and that doesn't extend to children.
I was nice to people whom asked me to be clear about the kids thing. I even had people offer me their kids for the bridal party to bribe their way in!!
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29-05-2013 14:37 #39
We didn't have any friends with very young babies at the time, so the baby issue was a non-issue. However for the older kids we simply wrote at the bottom of our ceremony invite "All children welcome to attend" and at the bottom of our reception invite "Adults only" - it was crystal clear and no confusion.
A couple of people had to leave early(ish) to go and relieve babysitters, but everyone was able to make it for some time which was great.
29-05-2013 16:06 #40
People will et annoyed no matter how tactful you are about it lol but it's there problem, I tend to not want to take my daughter to events like that anyway as I realise she's a restless loud annoying person sometimes I however do get a bit miffed when she's not invited anyway. At the end of the day it's your wedding, just be honest and upfront day you don't want young children and be firm about it as people will no doubt say oh that means we can't come, too bad for them then, I once couldn't go to an engagement party that my daughter wasn't invited to (she was only 4 months at the time) because no kids were allowed and we didn't have a baby sitter, sometimes it works or that way. Enjoy your big day!!
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