Follow on from my other thread.
What am I meant to tell my kids when they ask why dad lives with his other kid and not them? My daughter already ask why dad won't stay here.
Also did the relationship with your kids and his dad change?
I can see this going badly for my kids. I can see them getting into trouble for waking the sleeping baby, I can see him asking for the weekend off when the baby is brought home. Getting annoyed with DD wanting to hold the baby.
At the moment their dad comes over Christmas Eve to help me set up, he is then back at 6am till lunch. Can't tell me that won't change!
It's just not fair!
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20-05-2013 16:59 #1
How did your kids cope with their dad having and living with another child?
20-05-2013 21:38 #2
20-05-2013 22:00 #3
When i met my dh he had a child from a previous relationship. I'm not sure if I should be posting here or if even you really want my experience as its the single parents section but if you want an honest answer on how my dsd coped with her dad having another baby with me I'd be happy to share. It was tough at the start, there was the usual jealousy but that happens with siblings anyway. mostly my dsd has bonded amazingly with my dd and ds and loves them dearly. while she sometimes struggles with how her relationship should be with me, I can see she loves her sister and brother and whatever happens between her dad, mum and even me (though i stay out of it) all children are innocents in situations like this. she very much enjoys having special days out with her dad, dd and ds and loves being a big sister as she is the youngest in her mums family (her mum has another child).
I can see from a few posts how much pain your in and how hurt and angry you are and hope you find some peace and strength. Your ex sounds like a toss.... And you deserve better.
20-05-2013 22:32 #4
RipperRita - how old was your dsd when the new baby arrived?
And thanks for your perspective
21-05-2013 07:42 #5
She was 5 yrs old when i had my first baby Pesca. It was hard for us all at first. Ds slept in our room for the first 6 months and I know dsd felt left out sleeping in another room. We tried putting a mattress on the floor in our room but ds kept waking her up all night so dh slept in dsd's room. I was a first time mum and got PND and anxiety which was hard for dh and dsd. I used to worry if dsd came home sick. her mum was anti vax which I understood and was okay with but at the same time it was a really stressful with a newborn. Ds was born in the middle of winter in a swine flu and whooping cough epidemic and every time poor dsd came she was sick and I would have to keep her away from ds. I felt sorry for her because it wasn't her fault and she was dying for cuddles. Anyway.... Dd came along a year later when dsd was 6. I was more relaxed cause it was my second child and it wasn't in the middle of flu season so dsd got lots of cuddles and the full experience of having a little sister. .
Blended families are hard work as you will soon find out. But rest assured that your children are probably going to love their brother/sister regardless of how all the adults feel about each other and they are going to love them back. My children idolise dsd. Jealousy and feeling left out happens in most families when a new sibling comes along anyway. The step mother will never replace you and your ex's won't love your children any less because they have other children. I didn't love ds any less when dd came along... And neither did dh. It's the same thing. One thing I can recommend though is having time with just your ex and them one on one. My dsd loved one on one time with her dad when ds and dd were babies. Now they are older she likes to include them but leave me at home and I'm cool with that.
I understand my situation is a little different to yours. I cannot imagine how you guys feel... Your ex's sound like real douche bags. Be the stability and safe haven your children need.
21-05-2013 08:10 #6
Just read the rest of your other thread and Iam floored by the nerve of the guy
so he actually had s3x with you while his new gf is pregnant and after getting you to have a termination!!!! Cancel everything I said before. I thought I was talking about an adult man not a scum bag. You poor thing, your poor children and that poor baby that is going to be brought into all of this. He won't change the kind of person he is. You are better to move on. You can't change him, only yourself. Grieve for your children and yourself for the family that won't be but move on because you deserve so much more than this and you need to model what acceptable behaviour is to your children.
21-05-2013 10:32 #7
My exh had a child with his partner about 2 yrs ago. DD (who is now almost 7) is fine with it, they live 800km away and DD only goes for 1/2 of each school holidays. exh also has a step son living with him.
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