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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013

    Default Pregnant and not sure what to do ....

    Hello all,

    I came across this website are researching and decided to make an account because I really need to discuss what is happening right now. I hope it isn't too long.

    I am 19 years old, working part time and living out of home paying my own way. My partner is 21 and doing the same. A week ago I began to get this feeling I was pregnant. I took a test and sure enough, a faint but positive result. The pill had failed (nothing is 100 percent).

    I called my partner in to talk about options and he said that he will support me in whatever choice I make but he would rather me terminate due to himself not being ready and us having plans to travel in the next year.

    I completely agree with his response, but I don't know if I would have an abortion and not regret it straight away. I know there is always a risk when having sex, but I always took steps to prevent it. I still have so much of my life that I want to do. I plan on studying in the next few months which takes 4 years to complete, I plan on traveling, starting a career, getting married, just everything I wanted to do before having a baby.

    I know they are all selfish reasons and it was my choice and I have to face the responsibilty but I'm scared and don't want to lose everything. I don't think I could abort, but I don't think I could raise a child and not regret my life before. Nor could I adopt for personal reasons. I shouldn't make a choice based on someone else, but knowing my partner does not want me to have the child makes the choice so much harder. I don't want to do something he isn't ready for, and nor am I for that reason but I know I'll live in regret if I abort.

    I really just need some support. I am crying all the time and so confused.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Im so sorry you are in such a though spot, unfortunately you are right nothing is 100%... well except for abstinence and even then look at Mary she got the immaculate conception!! JK
    It really sounds like you're not ready to make a decision just yet. Talk to your partner more, really lay it out there and tell him to be honest about his fears and feelings, you need to make this decision knowing what kind of support you can count on him giving you. You also should talk to your parents or anyone else who will be able to help and support you, I know its a difficult thing but you will need more than just your partner if you decide to keep the baby.
    From experience I can tell you that making a decision like this in a hurry and in fear will only make you have more regrets, give yourself time and 'wear' each decision for a few days. Try to relax and take time to thing about how each decision makes you feel, maybe talk to someone you know who has kids about the realities of being a mother.
    I dont think anyone makes the decision to terminate without feeling sorrow and regret, you need to know that you will have those feelings forever, things do get easier and life goes on, still you will have those feelings.
    Im really not trying to sway you either way, just letting you know some truths Ive learned from experience.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    I really feel for you Twitchy I think the best thing for you to do would be to talk to someone. See your Dr to get tested again and if it is positive then explain your feelings (as best you can!) and see if you can get the Dr to refer you to speak to a counsellor.

    Your feelings are totally understandable and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about wanting to travel and experience other things in life before having a baby. It's ok to want all of that.

    Please speak to a professional who can help you work through your feelings to come to a decision that you feel comfortable with.

    Also when you do decide, be strong and stand tall. Don't let anyone else tell you what you should do, it HAS to be your choice, no one else's.

    I wish you all the best.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I fell pregnant at 18 and had my son just after I turned 19 and while at times I miss being young and carefree the highs I get from experiencing joy with my children now surpasses any sadness I have felt.

    My partner also suggested that I abort at first, purely because he was scared. We weren't (still aren't) married and his parents are Muslim and I am not.

    You still have time to decide what you want to do and whether you continue on with this pregnancy it not I think you'll feel some sort of regret either way but if you want to be selfish (I mean that in the best way), then be selfish now rather than when your baby is born.

    Speak to your partner again and again and I would also speak to your parents and his parents also to see how they feel and to gauge what sort of support you would all have from them if you were to continue with the pregnancy.

    Either way I wish you all the best x

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hi, I was in a similar situation to you, only I was 22. I had just gone back to uni and planned to get my teaching degree and travel the world- which is all I'd ever wanted to do from a young age, but got lost for a couple of years there! I had been with my boyfriend (who was 18) for a couple of months when I got pregnant. Abortion was never an option for me but my boyfriend literally begged me to terminate as he had his own dreams that didn't really involve a child at such a young age. He also lived interstate (but was from the same town as me). I also lived on my own in a different town to my parents, and was working part time to support myself.

    Long story short, there have been many times its been hard, but more in terms of our relationship than anything else. I still plan to do all the things I missed out on (travelling mainly). I did go back to uni and finish my degree after my second (also unplanned but with the same man, who I am now married to), and am now part-way through another degree. I have never ever ever regretted having my baby (who is now 10). It literally brings tears to my eyes thinking about my life without her.

    I do feel sad I didn't get to do the 'young' travel thing, there were many times all my friends were heading out and I felt I had to stay home (by the same token, I did still keep having a pretty fun life after the first two, but its gotten harder the more I've had, and the older I've gotten!), I sometimes wish when I'm studying at 2 in the morning that I'd done this degree BEFORE I had kids.

    But I am so glad I have my daughter (and her brothers and sister) and wouldn't change it for the world

    Just wanted to offer this perspective as most people, except my closest friends and family, and my boyfriend's family were pretty straight out in their opinion that keeping the baby wasn't the best choice.

    Good luck


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